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Pregnancy

Under Dr's orders to slow down

13 replies

chloechloe · 30/10/2016 20:35

Am currently 32w with no. 2. A scan a couple of weeks ago showed the baby was dropping below the 10th% and the Dr said they might have to deliver her early if it continues. I was told I need to make the time to lie down for half an hour twice a day - easier said than done when I work 30hours over 5 days with a 2.5 hour round commute and a toddler!

DH's response was to book me in for a pregnancy massage which was lovely but doesn't put dinner on the table or clean clothes in the wardrobe! He already does a lot around the house and is amazing with DD1 but I do a hell of a lot more! I'm so frustrated by the fact that he doesn't realise what needs doing unless I actually tell him and even then he just doesn't get why things need doing - let's face it men generally have different standards!

I know the health of the baby is the most important thing but I can't face living in a pig sty! Is anyone else struggling to put their feet up and just let things slide?

OP posts:

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Pestilence13610 · 30/10/2016 20:41

There is a middle ground between putting your baby's health at risk and pigsty, now might be a good time to explore it.
Tell DH to have dinner ready 30 mins after you get home and get a bloody cleaner.

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Trifleorbust · 30/10/2016 21:09

He needs you to tell him what you need him to do and when. I know this isn't ideal, but it's the only way you will get the rest you need.

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MouseLove · 30/10/2016 23:05

Be his mother for the next few months, make lists and explain what he needs to do on each day, make him a rota. For the sake of your baby. A few weeks in and he will get it. Good luck!!!!

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RaeSkywalker · 30/10/2016 23:26

I'm really, really struggling with this too OP- I'm 37 weeks (DC1 though, so no toddler to care for).

I've massively overdone it with work the last week or so. Problem is that DH and I work at the same place, are both under pressure for the same reason, and have both worked a 65 hour week as a result. He's trying hard to take over cooking etc, but the house is a right state and it'a stressing me out.

Do you have any support locally for childcare?

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hopeful31yrs · 31/10/2016 01:20

Exactly the same situation DD who is 3 and DS on the way. Both of us work very long hours and commute. He is however excellent with DD and the amount of time he puts in with her is immense. Has taken a lot of jobs on himself as I had a major bleed around week 8 after being laid up after IVF and then early finish due to contractions starting at 34 weeks. He has been brill and got me a cleaner who comes once a week also and keeps things turning over. My issue is that he's never seen things as being essential in the whole of our relationship and to a certain extent unless it was obviously gross to leave a task would be telling me I was fussing pre children. It frustrated me immensely and I'd stress over an untidy house with things left all over the place - and then I had to leave it. When I had the bleed I had to re-evaluate what was essential to do or not. Things have worked themselves out - it got to a point DH realised that yes, occasionally things get untidy to a point you can't function in the house and so will clean up after him and DD/make her clean up. I realised DD will be DD and make a mess and it's ok to a certain extent - that's our new life. DH will leave random things in random places and whilst that annoys me we fail to be able to see each other's point in why it does and doesn't matter - but sometimes it's not worth the angst. I used to think DH was doing it on purpose but I genuinely think now he just can't see the 'mess' I perceive at all.

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TheFlyingFauxPas · 31/10/2016 01:45

I'd start maternity leave now if I were you.

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chloechloe · 03/11/2016 16:28

Rae - I don't know how you manage a 65 hour week at this stage!

Sorry to hear about the scare you had hopeful. I have the same issue as you in that DH's concept of a mess and level of tolerance is not the same as mine!

We had a chat and apparently I have to tell him what to do and he will do it! Which I hate doing as then I feel like he's a second child, but needs must I guess!

OP posts:

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FruitCider · 03/11/2016 16:32

Why not just go off sick with pregnancy related illness or start your maternity leave?

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Whatsername17 · 03/11/2016 18:54

Write a daily list of 'his and hers' chores and stick them to the fridge. Your dh is clearly willing if not proactive. Mine is the same, but tell him what to do and he does it. It frustrates me but I think I'm just more of a neat freak than he is.

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gratesnakes · 03/11/2016 18:59

I think you should stop work asap but keep your toddler in childcare. This is a potentially serious health concern for your new baby.

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haveacupoftea · 03/11/2016 19:16

No point ranting about it, you need to tame action. Take early maternity, tell dh exactly what to do and lower your standards a bit. Having a tidy house is not as important as having a healthy child.

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itlypocerka · 03/11/2016 20:51

Cleaner & temp nanny. Now.

Just stop doing the things. They are not worth it and the danger to your baby's health is real.

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chloechloe · 03/11/2016 21:14

I'll be going on mat leave at the end of next week.

I don't want to go off sick as we have a really small but close-knit team at work which is totally overloaded at the moment as another colleague is on mat leave. My boss has been great though, letting me work from home this week and we've reschuffled my workload so it's less stressful.