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Does anyone else find that 'bump comments' really get to them?

(40 Posts)
Whatsername17 Sun 30-Oct-16 09:17:36

I'm on my third pregnancy. One dd aged 5, a mmc at 13 weeks, now 28+2. With dd and this time around I've found it a struggle to cope with the comments people make about my pregnancy size. I'm quite average when not pregnant- pear shaped, healthy bmi, size 10 top, 12 bottom. After years of ED, I'm generally happy with my figure and fairly body confident most of the time. Which is why I feel so pathetic, because I really struggle when people comment. My bump is measuring 27cm so in no way big, but everyone comments - some to talk about how 'huge' I am and some to say how neat it is. For as many 'are you sure there is only one in there?' Or 'Good grief! You've popped haven't you? It's going to be a big baby!' comments I've had, I've also had an equal number of 'Gosh, that's a tidy little bump isn't it?' Or 'you havent gained any weight any where else have you? Your all bump'. I know, rationally, that people just feel the need to make conversation. I know people do not mean any harm or to offend. I know I can't be both big and small so I should just ignore comments but I find it really hard. With dd I was measuring small at the end and people still commented the same way so the very fact that I'm even taking any notice this time is stupid. I feel so guilty to be bothered by it because, after my mmc, I know I'm so bloody lucky to be carrying this baby. I just feel like it's an endless stream of comments. My dh even said the other day that the women in the office at his school were saying what a neat bump I had. A compliment, but it still got to me that they had discussed my weight and then told my husband. I'm quite a private person and I hate being the centre of attention. Am I the only one who feels upset when people comment? I know I need to get over it and 'woman up' a bit. Any ideas how?

Trifleorbust Sun 30-Oct-16 09:28:00

For me, as long as such comments are well-meant and no-one touches me, it doesn't bother me. I can see why it might bother you, but you would probably offend people if you asked them not to comment at all. It's up to you whether you want to, but I don't see another option, realistically speaking...

Whatsername17 Sun 30-Oct-16 09:33:11

I'd never say anything. I just agree and smile. Whether its 'gosh you've popped, it's massive' or 'what a neat bump' I just smile and say 'I know!' Then feel a bit shit and, on a bad day, have a little cry.

Baz13 Sun 30-Oct-16 10:00:43

I really understand how your feeling, I have had this throughout all of my pregnancy! I was the same size as you pre-pregnancy. I have put on a lot weight (over 5 stone) but I did with my other children so I was expecting it, however the comments I have had have really hurt my feelings this time round, I've had all the same as you and even hurtful ones 'God you look hideous and disgusting' which just made me cry and feel awful- it got to the point the midwife referred me to the gp for anxiety as I didn't want to be seen in public; which is a big thing for me as i'm a massive social bumblebee.

Myy dh is really supportive and makes me feel great about myself as do my two children- I eventually just snapped myself out of it, with the help of my sister and realised I needed to cherish these moments being pregnant as it's going to be my last and has taken 2 years to get to this point after two miscarriages.

I am now 40 weeks (today..YAY!) and for the past 8 weeks I have just shrugged off the comments saying 'it's all doughnuts and cake, not a baby' and when people say is it twins, I just say ' who knows?' and laugh it off. I have to admit as my due date got closer, I couldn't care less what people said and just kept thinking in so many weeks I will have a baby!

It's all worth it in the end and I think it's completely normal to feel the way you do (these hormones have a lot to answer for!) I hope you feel better about yourself and can enjoy the precious moments of your pregnancy. Remember your body is doing a miraculous thing of growing a little human and everybody is different and carries differently flowers.

raviolidreaming Sun 30-Oct-16 10:15:10

I just agree and smile. Whether its 'gosh you've popped, it's massive' or 'what a neat bump' I just smile and say 'I know!' Then feel a bit shit and, on a bad day, have a little cry

I could have written this. I am getting so tired of the running commentary that I'm now actively avoiding social situations. On the same day last week I was told I was all bump; that I STILL LOOK NORMAL FROM THE BACK!!; my bump is so neat; 'well, actually, I measured big at my last midwife appointment which I'm quite anxious about' to cries of "your midwife is wrong" - as well as how I've "popped" "are you sure there's only one in there?" "You've put a lot of weight on at the back, so it could still be a girl!" This is before at least two people a day tell me I look pale and start quizzing me on what I'm eating / if I'm taking my vitamins. It's like being public property and I am completely and utterly fed up with it. sad

I also don't think my reaction is hormonal. I can't think of any other time when I would find a commentary on my appearance acceptable or anything other than rage-inducing.

panad317 Sun 30-Oct-16 10:20:02

Just keep agreeing like you do now. I had DC2 last month so I know what you mean by feeling a bit upset by the comments. At first my reaction to everyone was "do you think?!" Which resulted in more comments so I just said "I know!" And that was it.
Some of the other things they said especially by the end were worse for me. "Oh you must be fed up, you look tired" etc. So I felt like I had to make a big effort every day to look presentable to avoid those comments.
Everyone carries differently so they are only comparing your bump to theirs, although a lot of women who haven't had a baby will say something too!!
As long as you know the pregnancy is going well, you don't need to worry. Tell your midwife that you sometimes cry over it though. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy.

Wonderflonium Sun 30-Oct-16 10:21:40

I feel the same! I know they mean no harm but I wish they'd shut the fuck up.

WalrusGumboot Sun 30-Oct-16 10:30:02

No they never bothered me at all. I thought it was nice of people to show an interest, and chatting about bump was always a nice thing to talk about. Not as if people can miss it! Plus I had other more important things to worry about. But everyone's different smile

Bella1985 Sun 30-Oct-16 10:41:43

My bump starts really high (it's lucky I don't have hardly any boobs as the bump comes out from where they should be!) so everyone keeps saying I'm having a girl because I'm carrying so high. This annoys the sh**t out of me because baby's head has engaged and my nether regions feel like they could explode so the bump is just my intestines being squished up high, so everytime someone says it I reply with "really? But the baby's down here, (points down below) i can feel the head pushing on my fanjo right now" which they don't normally have a reply for... I'm normally very demure and quiet so to hear me say such a thing shocks them and I LOVE it Pregnancy rage takes hold sometimes.

I feel a little bad because they mean well ond don't want to purposefuly annoy us, its just so bizzare how a womans body becomes public ownership because there's a baby inside! Chin up, have some replies at the ready, and if its work colleagues, or people you see often, why not let them in on the secret that you hate it when people comment on the size of your bump and I'm sure they'll make an effort not to do it anymore.

UnicornPee Sun 30-Oct-16 10:56:38

Bump comments don't bother me at all. I know that after the pregnancy I will miss the bump so I will bask in the attention.

What DOES bother me is people saying "you must be mental"
What? For having a 3rd child at 34? Oh yeh I'm totally crazy....? Grrr

Whatsername17 Sun 30-Oct-16 10:57:54

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I think the reason it irritates me so much is because it doesn't feel like people are 'interested'. It feels more like they find it entertaining. I don't know. I'll keep trying to ignore. I do have more important things to worry about. I might say that actually. 'Gosh your huge!' I know but I have more important things to worry about x

raviolidreaming Sun 30-Oct-16 11:00:33

I think the reason it irritates me so much is because it doesn't feel like people are 'interested'. It feels more like they find it entertaining

We are the same person! I could have written this too!

MalbecAndLindt Sun 30-Oct-16 11:14:40

No, bump comments don't bother me but I can understand how they would bother others. The only one that has slightly irked me is when the woman who runs the hobby /class I attend after not going for a few weeks said, "come on then, let's see how fat you've gotten" hmm

What does annoy me to no end is when woman think because they allegedly worked in a tough job all day, went home to climb Mount Everest and make a 10 course banquet every night (slight exaggeration!) That everyone else should and if not, you're a lazy lump who'll end up with a grizzly baby!!

Desmondo2016 Sun 30-Oct-16 11:14:46

You need to put your thick skin on now because for some reason pregnancy and babies turns others into interfering fuckwits! I'm measuring 4 weeks ahead and 2 people this week have told me I've got a tiny bump. I've had people ask me if it was planned (I replied ''no I'm going to leave it in a shop doorway after it's born) and don't even get me started on after it's born. 'Is it good?' Good??? FFS it's 3 days old. "No shes naughty and i have grounded her and taken away her phone'. Lol. Just chill. People are general dicks but well meaning dicks.

haveacupoftea Sun 30-Oct-16 14:05:36

Not the same as I am still early but one of my friends commented when i told her i had heartburn 'oh baby's being a little shit then' angry my first experience of motherly fury lol

Stacestoke Wed 02-Nov-16 16:54:56

This annoys me too. People keep telling me this week that my bump has popped out. Almost like they didn't believe me up until now! I'm 22 weeks btw. One lady at work keeps telling me that my face has changed. She sayd it all the time and that it means I am having a girl. I have never heard that in my life. We haven't found out what the baby is so will have to wait and see if she is right.

I never though that mentioning a lady's bump was rude before but now it's me and I just don't get what gives them the right to comment on my belly, bum, face, waist etc. It's my body - keep your comments to yourself!!

DoubleCarrick Wed 02-Nov-16 17:03:12

Hope you're ok whatser. I try to think of it as people being excited about a new baby coming. Doesn't help that everyone says I'm looking really small still and have been pretty ill throughout. Weirdly baby is measuring big.

Kittenrush Wed 02-Nov-16 17:06:31

It's horrible isn't it, I get conflicting comments all the time too. I've got a lot of oedema in my legs and ankles and sometimes people comment and say I haven't put on any weight (I've gained 3 stone) and I just think, I clearly have so why do you need to lie or comment at all? Unfortunately people feel the need comment. I'm sick of all of it to be honest, the comments, the bump touching, the 'have you got a name?', the 'isn't she here yet?' (I'm due today) all of it. I want everyone to shut up and go away. Then I feel guilty because I know everyone is just trying to be nice. Even so, I hate them all :D

MouseLove Wed 02-Nov-16 18:13:18

Reply with "way to make a girl feel conscious" and walk away. They will get the hint.

I'll probably be the opposite if when I hopefully fall pregnant because the idea of a bump fascinates me.

It's funny as EVERY pregnant women (I'm guessing at everyone here) has been told that their bump is either very big 'my god are you having twins' or very small 'are you sure you're that far along'. I got asked every day (no exaggeration) from 26 weeks if I was having twins or my bump was big (ended up that I was carrying 2st of water weight grin

AudreyBradshaw Wed 02-Nov-16 20:41:42

I'm convinced that, apart from midwives, people don't spend enough time around a multitude of pregnant women to formulate any kind of accurate opinion about bumps.

Once I'd decided this at about 26 weeks, (when in the same day I had "you'd never know you're expecting" and "what are you, about 38 weeks?" In the space of about 45 minutes) I decided balls to everyone with a negative comment, and have ignored it/any/all comments which weren't "well, aren't you gorgeous/blooming/carrying it well etc"

Whatsername17 Wed 02-Nov-16 21:06:32

Im glad im not the only one! I know people are generally talking rubbish and have no clue what they are talking about. I think its that appraisal part that really upsets me. The fact that they tell me what they think about my size makes me feel like they are judging. Im pretty sure it is as much my issue as it is them being annoying. I will ignore it. For the next 11 weeks. However, once I get to full term I may kill someone. grin

AudreyBradshaw Wed 02-Nov-16 21:45:16

However, once I get to full term I may kill someone

I'm 37 weeks, I'm tired, grumpy, uncomfortable and walrus proportion. If I could move fast enough, I'd totally do some murders. grin

pyjamapyjama Fri 04-Nov-16 18:02:46

I feel like this too!!

Last night DP's sister told me my bump looked "fake" confused

I try to shrug it off when people make comments because they'll just be making conversation, what I hate even more is when people grab your bump as soon as they see you!!

Kittenrush Fri 04-Nov-16 18:27:46

Are you serious?! 😂 Oh pyjama have you just been sticking pillows up your top and pretending!?!! You attention seeker you!

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