I am 19 weeks and 3 days with a much wanted, long awaited pregnancy. It took us 4 rounds of IVF to achieve pregnancy, across 3.5 years of trying. During that period of trying I was admitted to hospital twice, once with ovarian torsion and once with pretty bad ohss, both as a result of the ivf.
Since getting pregnant we had scans at 6 weeks (due to bleeding) and 7 weeks (standard for ivf) and saw two heartbeats amd were told basically this is it,twins are on the way, you'd be really unlucky for anything to go wrong now.
At 9 weeks I had some slight bleeding and another scan and found out one of the babies had died. At 11 weeks another scan, second baby fine. Good scan at 12 weeks. Bleeding and pain at 13 weeks and 14 weeks, scanned both times due to history and baby fine. Private scan at 16 weeks, baby fine.
This week have had a huge increase in watery discharge which has been making me paranoid about my waters, then last night more bleeding and referred to a and e by triage midwife as too early for maternity. As you can imagine on a Friday night it was absolute carnage, took over 5.5 hours for someone to stick a doppler on me and confirm baby still has heartbeat, thank God.
At no stage have I been made to feel like I've wasted anyone's time, or shouldn't be seeking help. Without exception all the hcps I've seen and spoken to have been very supportive and understanding of the worries I have due to the history and the symptoms.
But I just feel like I'm going slowly mad. I've never done anything so stressful and everytime I start to relax something happens to worry me-bleeding, pain or discharge It's just so hard and not how I imagined or hoped my pregnancy would be. I am very anxious and particularly before scans (20 week scan coming up this week) the anxiety builds up and can literally keep me awake at night the few days before. I can rationalise why I feel this way and I think separate out genuine worrying symptoms which need to be checked/are worth worrying about vs general anxiety which needs to be controlled and to an extent, ignored as unfounded.
Is this normal? Do I sound normal? I just worry that I am being OTT and attention seeking. But on the other side of the coin, I think, unfortunately at every instance (fertility issues, number of IVFs needed to get pregnant, complications from IVF, losing a twin) we have been in the wrong side of the stats so it's not really surprising that I'm worried.
I think it's also hard as in the last year we have friends have a still birth and a loss at 18 weeks so we know that regardless of stage, things can go wrong.
Has anyone else experienced similar? How did you cope? Do I sound OK? I think I am, and the feelings I have are a normal reaction to a very hard situation but an outside perspective might be useful.
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Is this normal?
14 replies
MrsChrisPratt · 29/10/2016 11:12
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