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Had booking in appointment - didn't go well

(204 Posts)
Difficultyear2015 Sat 29-Oct-16 10:15:05

I came off the pill in July and had a withdrawal bleed.

Didn't have any period since other than 1 day of light spotting 6 weeks later. I had taken a test a day before that which was negative.
I have PCOS so don't have typical cycles and have gone years without a period before.
I took a test beginning of October that was a strong positive.
I took the test because I had stopped fitting into my clothes and was feeling tired all the time and having weird dreams about being pregnant.

I went to doctors and explained I had no idea how far along I was. He weighed me and dismissed it and said he will refer me to midwife for booking in and I will hear from them soon.

So 3 weeks went by and I had heard nothing. I started calling around the doctors trying to get hold of the midwife team to see where my referral was, finally spoke to midwife who said it sounds like I'm a lot further along and will get me booked in asap and will get me a dating scan urgently.

3 days later I have my booking in appointment.
I explained all of the above to the midwife.
I was in there for hours. She was questioning why it had taken me so long to have a booking in appointment and I said it wasn't without trying.
She then asked my weight and height which I told her the figures that the doctor said in the appointment I had with him 3 weeks prior, and straight away she told me I was overweight as I had a bmi of 26 and started asking if I do exercise.
I explained that only 3 months ago I had an endocrinology appointment where I was weighed at 65k and was under 25bmi and explained I have put on weight to the point I can't fit into my clothes (poasibly vloayibg / water retention / baby further along etc.
She made me feel like I was telling lies and that I am just fat and trying to get an early scan.

She tried to book me in for a scan there and then but the hospital scan department she spoke to told her they would go off the date I took the positive pregnancy test meaning I may not hear back for a scan appointment until another 6-8 weeks time. At which point I started crying as I know I'm further along than that and not just fat and if I wait for that scan to come through I could well be 20 weeks or further.

She then asked why I wanted a scan anyway and that I should just enjoy being pregnant.
I explained I want to know that there's a heartbeat for a start and how do I know it's all ok.

Because I was crying she then said she would refer me to a special midwife team who deal with women with additional mental and emotional needs.

I don't think I'm abnormal, this is all just very stressful.

She went on to say that there were pregnant ladies who bleed and need urgent scans and people like me can't take up emergency appointments like that.
I explained I'm happy to get a private scan if that was the case and I don't want someone who has more of a need than me to miss out on a scan.

After all this when I went to leave she gave me a hug and told me to cheer up and have a chocolate bar.

I was so distraught after all this that I went back to work in tears, grabbed my laptop and went home in tears.

I just feel like I am just a fat person and it's all in my head.

Maybe I will find at a scan appointment in 8 weeks time that I'm only 12 weeks then, but what if I'm further?

I'm feeling so fed up. I'm waiting for the scan so I can tell people some happy news but instead I'm now having to continually avoid people as I have an obvious bump and don't want to tell people before I know it's all ok.

Is the midwife right? Am I just fat and neurotic?

Difficultyear2015 Sat 29-Oct-16 10:15:19

Sorry for how long that was

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Sat 29-Oct-16 10:19:28

Just book a private scan to put yourself out this misery

WhatsGoingOnEh Sat 29-Oct-16 10:20:05

Oh, you poor thing!

Someone cleverer than me will be along with lovely advice in a minute, I'm sure. But in the meantime, have a huge hug from me.

Is this your first baby?

HariboFrenzy Sat 29-Oct-16 10:20:20

If you can afford a private scan I would book one asap. Round here they do them at mothercare. flowers

Heirhelp Sat 29-Oct-16 10:20:57

No you are not fat and neurotic. Accept the appointment with the specialist midwife as they will be kind and the more support you get in pregnancy the better. You should get a referral letter or a phone call from the specialist team soon, let them know immediately your concerns. If you are financially able to I would think about having a private scan.

If you are not happy with your community midwife then you can request a different one.

Icantstopeatinglol Sat 29-Oct-16 10:21:19

Oh op that's awful! She should have listened to you and booked you in for a scan asap so they can work out how far along you are! Maybe ring back and speak to your gp and let him/her know youve been dismissed by the midwife and you're still no further forward about when you're due. Some midwives are amazing, some are crap simple as that. Hope you get sorted swap flowers

booellesmum Sat 29-Oct-16 10:21:43

No,
You are not being neurotic and your care so far sounds awful.
I would have expected them to do a dating scan as you are so unsure.
If you can I would book a private scan just so you can be reassured.
Referring you to a special team just because you cried, really? It's normal to cry a lot when pregnant even if you are feeling supported - let alone if you are not and have an awful midwife.
I hope you get your scan soon and that all is well.

ALongTimeComing Sat 29-Oct-16 10:22:22

Private scans are really pretty cheap now. Ignore her and book yourself in for a private scan. Depending on what that says you can then ask to change midwife.

WhatsGoingOnEh Sat 29-Oct-16 10:22:41

She then asked why I wanted a scan anyway and that I should just enjoy being pregnant.

This is a very weird and worrying comment for a midwife to make. It'd be nice if you could have a different midwife next time. This one sounds absolutely rubbish.

Heirhelp Sat 29-Oct-16 10:23:36

Just for perspective my bmi was top of the overweight range at 29. Throughout my whole pregnancy it was never mentioned at all.

WhatsGoingOnEh Sat 29-Oct-16 10:23:53

How does someone book a private scan?

thenewaveragebear1983 Sat 29-Oct-16 10:24:47

Do they not do 'dating scans' these days- you need to know your dates because of certain tests being done at certain time points (doesn't neuchal fold have to be done at a certain time for example?) - I would ask your gp to refer you for a dating scan as you don't know the date of your last period. Or if you can, just arrange one yourself for peace of mind.
flowers
Congratulations and try not to worry

Aquasport Sat 29-Oct-16 10:25:20

You just google local scan places, had them with both of mine of mine for reassurance - 70 pounds each

Crystal15 Sat 29-Oct-16 10:25:40

Wow that midwife sounds awful. I was in a similar situation to you and my scan was 2 days after my booking in appointment. Has anybody felt for your uterus yet? If you are further along they can usually tell by feeling after 12 weeks. A private scan in my area varies from £50 to £70. I'd go ahead with that asap if I was you smile

Heirhelp Sat 29-Oct-16 10:26:11

Just google private baby scan. There are a number of medical facilities that offer it, baby bond is one.

Heirhelp Sat 29-Oct-16 10:26:34

I suggested google as you want to find one close to you.

DartmoorDoughnut Sat 29-Oct-16 10:26:44

Christ that horrible!! You poor thing sad flowers

I'd def try and get a private scan if you can afford it. Failing that maybe try and get the contact number for your EPU (early pregnancy unit)?

AyeAmarok Sat 29-Oct-16 10:28:13

Oh my. I cannot understand why she would be so unhelpful.

Private scans are usually less than £100, could you afford one? I'd suggest you get one if you can because there are some tests that need to be done before 14 weeks so if you are further along then you want to know.

BoinkAlongQuietly Sat 29-Oct-16 10:29:03

You aren't being neurotic at all. That's appalling treatment. Please do book a private scan if you are able.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. flowers

OhTheRoses Sat 29-Oct-16 10:29:21

I'd go to your GP and explain this and also write what you have written here in concise letter form and address it to the director of midwifery (call PALS) for the correct title. However far along you are, you shouldn't be made to feel you are obese and/or stupid. A BMI of 26 isn't obese anyway. Did she examine you or listen for a heartbeat? If not ask for an appointment with one of the obstetricians for reassurance/2nd opinion. You have a complex gynae history so should get expert care in any event in my opinion.

Women shouldn't have to labour with midwives they don't connect with and midwives should have more empathy.

Congratulations btw.

maybethedayafter Sat 29-Oct-16 10:32:31

I'd look into the private scan as that's likely to be quicker. But that doesn't mean to say that you should have to go down that route, I think the care you've had so far is awful and I would highlight it to the relevant people. I know the NHS are stretched but it is important to know your dates, for them as well, so that your care and follow up appointments can be properly planned.

I'm not sure how quickly you can get a private scan but I imagine it would be soon and they're likely to be much nicer as you're paying them!

ImAMoving Sat 29-Oct-16 10:34:35

Any local private IVF place will offer early/dating scans, or lots of other places too. Some private clinics will get you a same day appointment with consultant and a scan to check/date.

Of course you need to know how far pregnant you are as it will affect your antenatal care.

Pay the (average) of £75 for a private scan for your piece of mind then phone back midwife team.

You were not overweight before getting pregnant and any pregnant woman is likely to go out of BMI range whilst pregnant and the majority wouldn't even be at a 26 pre pregnancy!

Difficultyear2015 Sat 29-Oct-16 10:35:13

She didn't examin me. She said she didn't want to listen for a heartbeat as you only hear one after 16 weeks and if I don't hear one that will be distressing for me.

ImAMoving Sat 29-Oct-16 10:35:39

P.s. Congratulations!

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