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Mother in law

(22 Posts)
Clgx Sat 22-Oct-16 13:43:26

Hi,
Wondering if any of you can offer me some advice. I'm really struggling with my mother in law. She is so over powering and I cannot deal with it. She loves drama and loves picking fights and then playing the victim. I'm 23 weeks pregnant with her sons child and she is stressing me out so much. She always twists my words and it's upsetting, I'm not doing anything wrong. I need her to back off me and let me enjoy being pregnant. Me and my boyfriend never argue and if we do it's over his mum. She never apologises to me and I can keep sweeping it under the carpet. HELP

Trifleorbust Sat 22-Oct-16 13:55:54

How much time do you spend with her and why?

babymomma93 Sat 22-Oct-16 14:05:56

We see her about 3-4 times a week. Iv lived myself for years so my parents are used to me not being around the house. But this is my boyfriends first time living alone or with me and she is not happy. I try to keep the peace but right not its not happening. She is so full on and attached.

Trifleorbust Sat 22-Oct-16 14:08:15

You need to cut it down. Make yourself less available to her.

YokoUhOh Sat 22-Oct-16 14:19:39

Your DP needs to deal with her. You need to see less, far less, of her and improve your boundaries.

She's toxic and narcissistic. Stop being nice, let her cry and have histrionics, don't chase after her to apologise.

When your baby arrives, she will get worse (bitter experience). The baby will become 'her' baby and she will insist that her way is the best way. You and DP need a plan of action now.

Heirhelp Sat 22-Oct-16 14:24:53

You need to massively cut down the amount of time you see her. Do you snd your partner live together?

Stormwhale Sat 22-Oct-16 14:32:18

Just don't see or speak to her. Cut her out of your life if she cannot behave in a decent way. Don't stop your dp from seeing her, but just have nothing to do with her yourself.

haveacupoftea Sat 22-Oct-16 14:34:39

Does she just call round to your house or do you go to her?

babymomma93 Sat 22-Oct-16 14:40:45

Yeah we do live together. She comes down with out calling, we work full time and I can't think of anything worse than that. It's so annoying. She thinks there's an open door policy here and that's not the case. I see my own family once a week or even less. I'm totally fed up with her. She knows exactly what she's doing, she hates that I'm now his 1st priority and I'm worried for when the baby is here. She already says to people 'WE are due in feb' WE'RE not due. I am. I'm worried it's going to get worse, she needs to let him go, to be an adult.

Trifleorbust Sat 22-Oct-16 14:43:25

'WE are due in feb'

😂

babymomma93 Sat 22-Oct-16 14:52:25

I know right! Sometimes I'm just like hmmhmmhmmhmm what the f**k!!!!!

YokoUhOh Sat 22-Oct-16 14:59:01

Some parents are incapable of an adult relationship with their offspring, your MIL is one of them.

She will undoubtedly be unbearable when baby arrives.

Can you and your partner put some physical distance between you and MIL? Move away?

babymomma93 Sat 22-Oct-16 15:08:21

I wish we could honestly! We only moved here because both of us work here, it just so happens his mum lives 5 minutes away. She is so unbearable. She turned up at my house unannounced and I went for a bath and left them too it. Then she leaves because she feels unwelcome and unwanted, because i went for a bath! This is the kinda level it's at. I'm at my wits end. My own mum and full family are the complete opposite!

ElspethFlashman Sat 22-Oct-16 15:16:02

Yeah, but she did leave then. So you got a win.

It may have been wrapped in an almighty huff, but it was a win.

Think of it this way - she is always going to have a huff on. That's her method of control. So expect the huff, embrace the huff.....and just big fat do your own fucking thing!

And when your partner says "Mum was insulated that....." , whatever you do don't be drawn into it. Just toss your hair, tinkly laugh and "well I'm sure you put her straight".

Don't be drawn in. See her as little as possible, take lots of baths ("for my back"), and tell her nothing of your plans i.e. baby names etc.

Yes she will start to feel unwelcome and get snotty. But if the end result is less popping in, then it's a result.

If you have to be unpopular to get your house back and get your autonomy back, then it's totally worth it.

sweetchilli77 Sat 22-Oct-16 19:22:26

who is the OP for this tread, I'm confused haha are they the same person?

DavidPuddy Sat 22-Oct-16 19:36:17

Clgx changed to babymomma93 after the first post. Nothing more complicated than that.

Hope it works out for you babymomma. Congrats on your baby.

RaeSkywalker Sat 22-Oct-16 19:43:57

I think that there are a few thins you could do- the bath is a great idea. Also when she turns up saying "oh, what a shame you didn't call, I'm now going out..."

I really sympathise, my MIL is very similar. Unfortunately the only thing that fixed it was DH telling her to back off (she didn't listen, we are now NC).

babymomma93 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:50:15

It's me sorry I just changed my user name after I posted haha! I'm hoping she backs down because really it's her own loss, she's pushing me away

Mamadelou Mon 24-Oct-16 10:52:12

It is so important for you to nip this in the bud!

You need to talk to her and establish your boundaries. If you can take a neutral person with you, not your partner, it would be better.

It is vital you do this soon as it can become a horrible stand of.

The hardest thing is to be able to explain to her how she makes you feel. You will feel empowered if you can ask her if it is her intention to make you feel (inadequate)...

Stand up for yourself. Stay calm (so hard to do) and be ultra polite but stick to your guns.

Heirhelp Mon 24-Oct-16 10:54:46

When you are on maternity leave making sure you keep the door locked and switch off the door bell and house phone. If she has a key leave yours in the lock.

ahsan Mon 24-Oct-16 12:48:24

Could have written this post myself, AVOID AVOID AVOID. Worse in my situation as my so called partner makes out I'm wrong and she's right 😒. A massive get rid.

Redken24 Mon 24-Oct-16 13:23:56

Just ignore her, do your baths - challenge her crap comments too

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