Terrified of not loving my son :((9 Posts)
I have this horrible fear of not loving him and how much my life will change and that I will never be myself again. I got with my ex around this time last year and moved in quite quick I was so in love with him he wasn't the best person as he had issues but I was in love and would of done anything for him. We both really wanted a baby and started trying in January and I was pregnant by March. When he found out I was pregnant he got scared and things changed it was like he didn't love me anymore. Anyway I ended up leaving him as he was messaging girls and he got in a new relationship two weeks after. He's now moved her in and there living together they've been on holiday he didn't even have a passport until I sorted it out for him and paid for it ( I sound bitter I know) it's just been so hard for me to find out all this out and go through this pregnancy alone. I didn't think he would just cut us out his life and never speak to us again but he has. I have greats friends and my mum is very supportive. But this isn't how I planned to do it now my due date is getting closer 22nd November I'm scared I won't love him and that I will have ruined my life. I just want to be a good mum and love him unconditionally but still be able to have my life. I never get emotional I never cry I've been strong this whole time im just scared of giving birth and them placing him on me and not feeling anything towards him.
Am I just being stupid? I really hope this is just normal.
You aren't stupid. Your ex is a massive shit but he is not a reflection on you. I can only speak from my own experience, but the love I felt for my dd when she was born was overwhelming. I was worried about all of the things that you are, even though I was married and planned the baby. Now, I can't remember my old life, except to think it must have been so boring before I had dd. Good luck to you x
Thank you I really hope this will be the case and I will love him when he is here. X
Honestly, you're human! The vast majority of us have felt this during pregnancy if only for a moment so don't be so hard on yourself! I know I worried about this, especially as my due date got closer but believe me when you have your son you'll be so overwhelmed with love you won't believe it. I look at my little boy and almost cry with the love and happiness he has bought me.
YOU WIL BE FINE!!
Hello, Sophie. Just popping on to say how sorry I am you have had such a painful time of it. Please don't put yourself under pressure like this. You may feel love for your child instantly. You may not, and it will grow slowly over time, with every decision you make to care for his needs even when you don't feel like it. Actually, especially when you don't feel like it. Both are fine.
So sorry about how you have been treated.
Just to say that something very similar happened with a friend, he left her in the final week of her pregnancy and got engaged to someone else a couple of months later. However she and her (now one year old) baby have been just fine, and bonded well. You will be ok, and in fact better off without someone like that.
I didn't love my ds immediately, not everyone does, and that is totally normal and not anything to be concerned about. Love will develop over a few weeks and you will eventually love them more than anything. No one told me that I might not love him straight away and I felt terrible about it.
Please don't believe people who say that you will definitely love them the moment they are born, because it will make you feel bad if you don't.
Don't panic if you don't feel some overwhelming immediate rush of love - that everyone does is a total myth - and don't be too quick to see it as a side-effect of your ex being a monumental shit. (I had a much-wanted baby in a stable, longterm relationship with a committed, hands-on man, and I found the early months difficult.) Be very kind and gentle with yourself, accept all the help you will be offered by family and good friends, and best wishes. You've had a very hard time.
My love for my baby was absolutely not instant. He's 7 months old now and I've loved him more and more over time.
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