Early pregnancy practicalities

[Blueskyrain]

Hello waves

I found out yesterday in pregnant (1st). We were trying (me somewhat reluctantly if I'm honest), so it shouldn't be a surprise, but I'm quite unprepared.

I think I'm pleased, though actually I think I'm a mixture of emotions. I'm happily married, in a decent house, we've both got decent jobs, family live nearby etc, which is why we thought the timing was good, I've just never been very maternal, and have lots of issues relating to anxiety about medical thing and needles, which has made me delay trying to get pregnant.

But here I am, and 3 tests show very clearly that I am pregnant (the clearblue says 2-3 weeks post conception, which makes sense, which fits with my last period being 4 weeks ago.

I only tested yesterday because I'd had a really vivid dream about getting a pregnant result, the night before!!

My current thinking is that I don't do anything (other than take the vits, and be nice to myself), for about a week and retest, in case I miscarry very early, but if all is well by next weekend, then I need to get my butt into gear.

I currently don't have a gp, so I'll need to sign up to one- shall I tell them when booking appointment that I'm a very, very nervous newly pregnant woman? Last time I saw a doctor, I burst into tears just being in the room. This pregnancy malarkey is going to be HARD.

I'm getting period type cramps, with occasional sharp pains if I twist or something. The internet says they are normal so I'm trusting in that for now.

When will morning sickness start? I'm not good with vomiting (having done it only twice in 15 years).

I was also thinking, do I need to buy some pajamas, so.that if I end up in hospital with a miscarriage, or something else, I have something to wear - I literally don't have anything at present.

My best friend is 6 months pregnant, I should probably talk to her...

[Blueskyrain]

Sorry, I'm mostly just ranting and worrying really. I think because I haven't told anyone apart from husband in real life, I'm just wanting to talk it through if that's ok.

[nolly3]

Hallo blue and congrats on your bfp! It's totally normal to feel ambivalent, or at least have a complicated reaction. It's such a weird process, pregnancy, and t changes all the time, but believe me it does eventually get real! I started feeling the baby move at 16 weeks- that's when I first clicked that there was a small person in there.

Fx that all will be well, but in answer to your q no you don't need to buy anything for hospital visits, and what I would do is wait a week or so and refer yourself directly to community midwives (usually bit of googling via local maternity services at hospital). And def get a gp. If you go into the reception and explain a bit, they might be able to put you with someone nice

good luck!

[nolly3]

Cramps = normal, and morning sickness not until 6w probably (although varies). Mine was 6-9+3 and then disappeared overnight. Scared the crap out of me but all was ok.

[everdene]

Firstly, congratulations!

Secondly, prioritise getting a doctor over everything else - there is specialised help for anxiety during pregnancy.

Thirdly, it's up to you but it really isn't necessary to buy pyjamas in case you miscarry. That is the anxiety talking (I have also struggled for years). Weirdly I found my anxiety has greatly improved in every area of my life since about week eight of pregnancy.

Talk to your friend, but be mindful that she will have some of the same fears and is equally vulnerable at this time. Do you have any friends/family with young children who can reassure you having been through the entire process?

In all honesty I'm not sure I could personally take on another's pregnancy worries at this time as I'm also worried from time to time about losing my unborn baby, but once the baby was born I'd be in a more distant position. Good luck

[Angelik]

Congratulations!

You're clearly anxious but I can't tell if it's because you're not pleased with your pregnancy (you mention miscarriage several times) or nervous about bring pregnant.

Whether planned or not, being pregnant for the first time is an intense jumble of emotions, which you recognise. You mention getting your butt into gear. You don't. You need time to adjust and yes, to look after yourself. You are right to sort out a GP. They should be giving you extra support to help you through.

You ask about morning sickness. Each pregnancy is different. You might get it, you might not. Take each day and symptom at a time.

[Blueskyrain]

Thank you for all your responses.
I'm a bit of a control freak, which when coupled with the anxiety over this, means I'm probably going to be the patient from hell for the poor doctor and midwife.

I agree that its not a good idea tbh to offload onto my friend about my worries - and she went through a very traumatic misscarriage last year(maybe why I have it at the forefront of my mind that it may happen to me). I was going to talk to her more for a bit of general support over some cake really. I don't know if two really nervous pregnant people are better together or not!!

I feel very cold about the whole thing at the moment - sort of detached. I think I'll need to see it, or hear the heartbeat before I actually feel any sort of bond.

I feel a fair amount like throwing up this morning, but I think its probably more in my head, after tossing and turning all night, and then having to get up at half 6.

Did you guys tell your mums early on? There's a bit of me that would like to, though if I wait until 12 weeks (fingers crossed), then I could surprise them with a scan at Christmas! Maybe the support would be good (she lives 2 miles from me, and we talk most days). I'm almost embarrased to be pregnant, which is stupid, because I'm in my mid 30's and married. She'd be so excited to be a grandmother :-)

[JosephineMaynard]

Congratulations, and hope all goes well.

I'd prioritise sorting out registering with a GP ASAP. Aside from it being useful to already be registered if things don't go totally smoothly, where I live, the standard practice is for the GP surgery to confirm pregnancy, refer you onto the midwives, and the community midwife sees pregnant women at the GP surgery.

Morning sickness also isn't inevitable. I didn't get any sickness or nausea in my first 2 pregnancies (and both pregnancies ended with a live baby).

[MissClimpsonsTypingBureau]

Congratulations!

I could have written your post at any time in the first 12 weeks or so. You're not unusual and you're not a bad person for feeling like that. Detached is exactly how I described how I felt.

Now 20 weeks and just starting to feel excited. Still feel a bit detached but as I start to feel more movement and stuff I think that's improving.

Yes - talk to people. I didn't tell my mum until 11 weeks but there are no rules! Do whatever you think will make you feel least alone and most supported. I found that as I felt better I felt more able to tell people about my mixed feelings - and their responses were usually really affirming of mixed feelings. I'd spent ages feeling guilty for not being completely over the moon, and it really helped to talk to people who already have children and said they had felt similarly.

And yes - definitely get GP sorted out ASAP. Everything else can wait.

[NickyEds]

Congratulations op.

I wasn't registered with a gp when I became pregnant- I just went along, filled in a form and they referred me to the mw (I didn't actually see a doctor). In my area the mw won't book you in before 8 weeks and arrange your first scan then, give them a call they will be able to advise you.

I didn't get any sickness with ds (my first), just felt a bit tired. Dd the nausea and sickness started at 4-5 weeks (I knew I was pregnant before the test because of this!)and went on until 12 weeks.

With our first we told no one until after our 12 week scan, so nearer 13 weeks. With dd I told my best mate very early because we were meeting for a drink and I didn't have any wine! She knew we were trying and guessed! When I got my scan dates and realised I wouldn't have my scan until after Christmas I just told people as and when I saw them- there was no way I would make it through Christmas not drinking and didn't want to do the whole 'I'm on anti biotics' thing.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel...detached. It's a big thing to get your head around.

[Pistachiois50pmore]

Congratulations! And yes totally normal for your first reaction to think "blimey".

I didn't test until a week after my period was due. I booked a doctor's appointment because that's what people do on telly but actually you can skip this and go straight to hospital if you prefer - but I like my GP and it was good to get her to go over the next steps. I only told my mum, my partner and two close friends at the beginning - but anyone who you'd like to support you if it goes wrong is a good rule of thumb.

Booking in appointment is usually around 8-10weeks (so not for another month - you're 4 weeks pregnant, ignore Clear Blue's weird phrasing) although it's not a disaster if you do it later. I booked in the day before my first scan at 13 weeks and it was totally fine. After the first scan at 12 weeks or thereabout people often start to share the news more widely.

Symptom wise, I think pregnancy is a random list of symptoms (e.g. nausea, vomiting, tiredness, food cravings, muscle fatigue, joint pain, SPD, mood swings, insomnia) - which most people get some of, but there's no way of telling which symptoms you might get. Personally I had mild nausea around 6-9 weeks but no vomiting, although I did get very tired.

If you find yourself starting to worry about risk and what you can and can't do, Expecting Better by Emily Oster is a good book.

[Sara107]

My nausea started after 11 days, I can be precise because it was IVF. Please don't spend too much time worrying about miscarriages and trying to plan for all eventualities, you'll just get stressed. If something horrible happened and you wound up in hospital (most miscarriages don't) your dh could sort out the PJs for you. Being pregnant, even planned is a big emotional adjustment so I would just spend some time keeping the news between you and dh and getting used to the idea. Take the vits which you're presumably doing anyway, cut down (or out) alcohol and find yourself a gp which is a good idea regardless. And otherwise just continue life as normal!

[Janubub]

Congratulations! My nausea started at 6 weeks. I ate enough crackers between then and 16 weeks to never want to see a cracker again. Buy lots. Peppermint tea is also your friend.

I was very anxious to start. I didn't believe I was truly pregnant until the 20w scan.

[Blueskyrain]

Crikey, I've just woken up after being asleep for 2 1/2 hours. I guess that's the tiredness coming in then :-)

[Kokapetl]

Congratulations!

I found that eating before I got out of bed really helped with morning sickness. I felt as if I was hungover but without the headache about half the time for weeks 6-14ish but was only actually sick twice the first time and about 5 times the second time. It was usually triggered by smelling bad (as in gone off- eg emptying the compost bin) food! So that's another thing to avoid.

I work at a general practice and would say it is definately worth giving them that information when registering. Also if the practice has personal lists, maybe have a think about what kind of doctor (male, female, young, old, personality type) might suit you best. Although, as others have said, you don't actually need to see a doctor about pregnancy. I was just booked to see the midwife at my local practice, when I phoned for an appointment! You will need to have a GP for your postnatal checks, and for the baby so it's a good idea to register.

I did tell my Mum as soon as possible both times. I also told some friends who already had kids quite early on because I wanted their advice. I didn't tell work until after the first scan.

I didn't feel maternal or broody until I was about 7 months pregnant with my first when I suddenly noticed babies everywhere and found them adorable! Before that I was a bit indifferent towards them TBH.

[Flingmoo]

It's pretty much just a bunch of cells/teeny blob at the moment so its not unusual to not feel any bonding yet! Nothing to bond with really yet, just a biological process.

Not saying it wouldn't be sad to miscarry at this stage, I'm also in my first trimester right now, just saying its not weird to feel detached at this point.

During my first pregnancy the emotions really hit me at the first scan. I think deep down I was expecting it to be an unidentifiable blob, so it was a shock to see an actual baby on the screen - a real baby-looking baby with little head, arms, kicking legs etc!

I told my mum straight away the second time round, only managed to wait a week or two the first time round. There's no real reason not to tell your mother/whatever relative is closest to you. Especially if she's someone you'd tell if you did miscarry.

Also, try not to keep thinking about miscarriage... It does cross my mind pretty often but I don't think it does much good to dwell on it. I wouldn't make hospital plans etc for miscarriage... I did skim through an MN thread yesterday on 'what to expect' when you miscarry, only so I knew the essentials, but once I knew the basics I closed the thread and didn't read all the responses as it's really not an ideal time to be reading material that just adds to my existing anxiety.

When you visit your GP for the first time literally nothing happens other than the GP tapping a few things into their computer. Honestly, that first appointment is nothing to worry about! They will fire off a referral to the hospital for your scan, and to the midwives. You will then get a call from the midwives for an appointment, or you can just ring your local midwives yourself and make an appointment right away.

Then you'll have your first midwife appointment. This is really long and boring. It's mostly just taking down all your personal details. You can mention your anxiety at this point and they will make sure you get the right support.

Usually at the booking appointment you will get a blood test as well. I know blood tests are not pleasant but most of it is psychological. I really hate blood tests but I have to have them once or twice a year due to an underactive thyroid. I know the problem is mostly in my head as the actual physical pain is fairly minor. I would recommend asking if you can lie down for the blood test - I always ask to lie down and they are always happy for me to do so. I just find it easier to relax my body/arm, and look away when I lie down, and it feels more stable as well, it takes away the fear that I might pass out or suddenly jerk my arm etc!

Try to enjoy the pregnancy and let the experience wash over you rather than obsessing over all your anxieties. I know it's easier said than done... Some little things I find helpful: I try and "fake it til you make it" - I pretend to myself that I'm really chilled and relaxed about the whole thing, even if I'm secretly shitting myself. And when I have negative thoughts, I try to distract myself or counter those thoughts with positive ones.

I had CBT for an unrelated anxiety/phobia so I am trying to use some of the tricks I learnt there to help me relax more during pregnancy.

[Flingmoo]

Are you due in June by the way? There is already a June 2017 thread on the antenatal clubs board - you can join and share you thoughts/worries/excitement/symptoms with other ladies who are due around the same time as you!

[PerspicaciaTick]

Check your local hospital's website for maternity services in your area. For example, at my local hospital, women can self-refer themselves to the midwifery team to start the ball-rolling with booking-in and scan appointments.

[SaltedCaramelEverything]

If you think it will help, tell your mum. As much as a surprise at Christmas will be lovely, you may need her before then. Having no one know can be lonely. So if you need the support tell her now (you could still do it in a fun way) and then you'll have telling other people to look forward to too. Congratulations

[Blueskyrain]

Thanks for all your support guys. For the first time today, I'm actually feeling really positive and a bit excited, rather than just terrified (even though I only had 2 hours sleep last night).

I'm sure the terror will return soon enough, but right now I'm just going to enjoy being pregnant and keep my fingers crossed.