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OMG - first pregnancy at 46

(63 Posts)
JustJaneForNow Sun 09-Oct-16 09:16:14

Hi there

The title says it all. We have just found out I am pregnant at 46, and I have never had children before (long story). My OH has two adult sons from his first marriage.

Needless to say it wasn't planned! We (mostly I) am in a huge amount of turmoil - he, bless him, is being very calm, is thinking ahead very logically about how to adapt, what to do, how we will work things out.

I have always wanted children but it just didn't happen. He knows this. I had decided that at my great age, it was never meant to be, and made my peace with it. I was on Cerazette, and took it as I should, without fail - and yet here we are.

I so want this baby, now that I am pregnant. Yet I'm terrified. I know nothing about parenting, I am very worried about the health risks to the baby, the greater potential for miscarriage - everything that goes with being so old (in pregnancy terms). I also have no idea how far along I am, as I wasn't having any periods on the pill (I found out about the pregnancy because I would take a test every now and again just to be sure I wasn't pregnant, but I can't remember when I took the last test!).

He has been wonderful - I'm under no pressure from him, and I think secretly he is delighted, despite all the obstacles and the massive upheaval this will bring if we decide to go ahead. I haven't told him that I 100% want to - it's the medical issues that are really scaring me. If I were younger, I'd be in no doubt at all.

Does anyone have any advice, please?

nephrofox Sun 09-Oct-16 09:26:05

Congratulations.

You can't control the medical issues, likelihood is all will be fine. Get yourself in for a scan to see how far along you are and take it from there. If you want the amnio to check the baby is chromosomally healthy then you will be able to have it if you're at the appropriate stage of pregnancy. If not, well the chances are the baby will be fine anyway, and even if it's not you will still love it regardless

Oysterbabe Sun 09-Oct-16 09:43:37

Congratulations on your wonderful news. Try and stay calm, speak to your Dr about a scan, get on the folic acid straight away.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 09-Oct-16 09:45:50

Enjoy every day!!
I am so envious - ttc again at 45!!
Congratulations!!
It will be wonderful!!

JustJaneForNow Sun 09-Oct-16 09:48:34

Thank you, nephrofox. I'm a natural worrier, whereas thankfully my OH is not. I guess I feel a little bit foolish for not knowing anything about anything to do with pregnancy by now! I know there are tests, I do feel like I'm on a massive learning curve (I've been reading posts in here like crazy!). And yes, even if our baby would be born with challenges, we will still love it.

It's more the worst case scenario that concerns me, but you're right, I can't control any of that. Just keep popping the folic acid and vitamin D...

JustJaneForNow Sun 09-Oct-16 09:50:21

Mybeardeddragon - oh gosh I wish you so much luck with TTC again. I'm certainly not complaining about our surprise - I know so many people who are actively trying for a baby. He/she will be loved to the moon and back.

Temporaryanonymity Sun 09-Oct-16 09:51:59

Congratulations!

JustJaneForNow Sun 09-Oct-16 09:53:03

Oysterbabe - I saw the GP at the end of the week - he was lovely and could see that I was in overwhelm. I'm going back next week to talk to him about midwife, next steps etc (he suggested this to give us a little breathing room - at that stage I'd only known for less than a day, so was panicking like mad).

But yes, he said to start the folic acid right now. So I have.

JustJaneForNow Sun 09-Oct-16 09:53:45

Thank you, Temporary

HalfStar Sun 09-Oct-16 09:55:20

That's really exciting flowers how are you feeling?

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive Sun 09-Oct-16 09:55:52

Congratulations. Is your torso any bigger than normal? I found with my first pregnancy I started to show around nine/ten weeks, though everyone is different.

JustJaneForNow Sun 09-Oct-16 09:58:52

Hi HalfStar - exhausted! I had an afternoon nap yesterday and that's really not like me! Food tastes different, boobs are SORE! and my tummy is twingy - but every now and again I want to do a little happy dance!

Despite all the challenges which I can barely get my head around, I am like a kid in a sweetie shop!

JustJaneForNow Sun 09-Oct-16 10:00:37

Room101 - I feel and look bloated, but I don't think anyone else can see it, apart from my OH. I don't wear figure hugging clothes, thankfully!

INeedNewShoes Sun 09-Oct-16 10:00:45

You could do a Clearblue digital test to give you some idea of how far along you are or even better an HCG blood test would give some indication as your HCG doubles every couple of days in early pregnancy.

Trinny74 Sun 09-Oct-16 10:01:38

I'm 42 and 16+2 weeks. My advise would be to stop reading all the articles. I drove myself crazy with statistics and found every article had a 'but' about over 40's. The best advise came when I saw the midwife who said she sees loads of older mum's now having happy healthy pregnancies. Arm yourself with the knowledge you need - then try to enjoy this amazing time.
Congratulations!

DailyMailPenisPieces Sun 09-Oct-16 10:04:01

Oh how exciting. I hope all goes well - this will be the best unplanned thing you've ever done!

VinoTime Sun 09-Oct-16 10:04:16

Oh congratulations to you both, OP! How wonderful!

My surprise came along when I was (barely) 20, so I was a little younger smile It's a massive shock and I can assure you, there is no right time to have a baby. It'll rock your world whatever age you are so don't focus on the 'number'. Keep happy and healthy, and just enjoy the journey!

Congratulations again flowers

ConvincingLiar Sun 09-Oct-16 11:25:13

No one knows anything about parenting, even those who think they do. If you want a baby then you should go for it. If there are problems along the way you can cross that bridge when you come to it. Glad you have a supportive partner.

JustJaneForNow Sun 09-Oct-16 11:30:27

Thank you, everyone.

Trinny - yes, I think you're right! I seem to have got the Dr Google bug... which is silly, because I've always resisted that temptation with other medical things. Thank you for the voice of reason - and congratulations to you!

sluj Sun 09-Oct-16 11:48:14

Congratulations!

Your life will change for sure but the good bits will far outweigh the bad bits. Remember when you are tired and worn out with your baby that the 20 somethings mothers are feeling exactly the same.

In my school there is s huge range of parents ages and you won't be by yourself

Now is the time to rush out and buy "What to expect when you are expecting" and as many baby magazines as you can find. Perfect for lying on the sofa with during these early weeks when you are tired. flowers

JustJaneForNow Sun 09-Oct-16 13:32:54

Thank you, sluj. Yes, you're right - all mothers no matter what their age will be feeling just as shattered!. I suppose i had slipped into that mindset where I felt I knew a fair amount... now I feel like a complete and utter novice! Thank you for the book recommendation smile

mayhew Sun 09-Oct-16 13:36:33

In my trust, you would be advised to start on low dose aspirin by 12 weeks. This is to promote healthy placental development.

Honeybee79 Sun 09-Oct-16 14:20:43

Congratulations! That is something that is so exciting and lovely esp as it sounds like you thought it would just wasn't meant to be for you. I thought that too, but because I have fertility problems - and now I have a DS and am 32 weeks with a DD so v pleased for you.

I know a fair few women who have had babies in their mid forties recently - you def won't be the only one. It will be a big adjustment but it is at any age!
And with a supportive other half you'll be fine.

Just remember that the anxiety, exhaustion etc is pretty common at any age. They may keep a closer eye on you due to age (not sure though tbh) but odds are you'll be fine, as will baby.

Good luck with the pregnancy!

JustJaneForNow Sun 09-Oct-16 14:26:18

Thank you, mayhew, for that information. I had heard about that, but didn't know why.

Thank you Honeybee79 - and congratulations to you on your second soon to be! I suppose at least, since I haven't been pregnant before, I don't have the tiredness I feel to compare to the last time - so ignorance is bliss!

I do keep flipping from utterly serene to OMG though!

ButtMuncher Sun 09-Oct-16 14:31:40

Congratulations, how wonderful! Definitely do not give into Dr Google - if you have any concerns, ask your midwife, or ask your DH to look up for you - I had to implement this when I kept looking for rational advice but ended up down the rabbit hole of scary stories.

You're going to be pregnant at a good time of the year - the winter months when you can wrap up warm; I had a summer pregnancy, and was beyond difficult!

Take it easy - enjoy it if you can. If you're overly concerned about genetic or medical issues, you can pay to have a Harmony test (I think before 11w) which is non-invasive and reliable. They aren't cheap, but they may put your mind at rest to enjoy your pregnancy smile

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