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Didn't want to announce pregnany to in-laws yet but they're visiting this weekend...! What to do?

(32 Posts)
Flingmoo Thu 06-Oct-16 14:51:41

This is frustrating.

I'm only 7 weeks pregnant. I have no intention of telling ANY family (apart from my own mother who I am very close to) until I've had the 12 week scan.

However, my in-laws are visiting from abroad this weekend and let me tell you, it's going to be impossible to hide it from them. Why? Because they are massive foodies and wine lovers. Literally any time we see them, we all drink lots of wine and eat lots of the kind of food that is forbidden for pregnant ladies... soft cheese, pate, shellfish, rare steak, etc. For me to decline all these things in one weekend is a massive giveaway as I would never normally decline wine blush

With my last pregnancy we went to visit my in-laws at around this stage and we had to tell them, because it was really obvious for the above reasons. MIL seemed a little bit judgmental that we announced it to them so early. I believe she once suffered a miscarriage so I can see why she feels this way, however it's not as though I really have any choice.

I can't see how I can hide it, but if I say 'no thanks' to the wine etc and don't tell them the truth, I can't stand the idea of them whispering in their room about how I must be pregnant again!

I really wish I didn't have to tell them though. I've been ill earlier this week with a high fever and I'm worried this might have affected the baby. I didn't really want to make any announcements before I know if the baby is developing well. I also find it a little bit unfair on my other family members, including my own dad, if I tell my in-laws but hide it from them for another 6 weeks. sad

Has anyone else had these sort of problems?

youvegottabekiddingme Thu 06-Oct-16 14:54:01

Be on a 'diet' for the time they're visiting. And be very strict about it.

WatchingFromTheWings Thu 06-Oct-16 14:57:52

Either say you're on a diet or blame an upset stomach on not being able to eat rich foods or drink wine.

puddock Thu 06-Oct-16 14:58:59

You do not have to tell them - you can say are having a Sober October and are on a diet. They may well speculate, that's out of your control. They may even ask you outright, you are allowed to say no you're not, or 'what a personal question'...

Congratulations!

curryandrice Thu 06-Oct-16 14:59:44

Even if I suspected someone was pregnant, I wouldn't comment or give an indication that I suspected. just feel very smug that I'd guessed correctly when the announcement was made

I hope you're feeling better now

Doublemint Thu 06-Oct-16 15:01:01

Try to eat pregnancy friendly food like tapas? Or have a Mexican night? Or cook them a special roast one evening?

And say your on antibiotics that you can't drink with and make up something or say you're just getting over something- use multivitamins if they are staying for long. You can get white ones.
Or you could buy posh fake wine from waitrose like my SIL did, once everyone's he a few maybe they won't notice?
Eat breakfast before or after them. Can't think of any more ideas but best of luck!

Doublemint Thu 06-Oct-16 15:01:35

* you're

And congratulations too!

Sunnydawn Thu 06-Oct-16 15:02:06

Tell them you've been ill, with a fever, and not feeling yourself.

Even if they guess, you can just be tactful and say you're not sure?

Justwondering79 Thu 06-Oct-16 15:04:10

Metronidazole for a nasty tooth abscess. No alcohol and not being able to chew steak is a bitchwink

EleanorofCastile Thu 06-Oct-16 15:04:13

Just tell them you are on a diet or still recovering from feeling unwell so being careful about what you eat/drink. Even if they have their suspicions it's polite to go along with it - as you say you want to be able tell everyone at the same time.
Seems like they would understand this given what you felt about MIL's reaction when you told them early last time?

everdene Thu 06-Oct-16 15:04:13

If you really can't get out of it, get your DH to ring ahead and say you've had a kidney infection this week.Then you can stick to bland food, no booze and definitely no conversation about what might be wrong with you as kidney infection is a bit embarrassing!

That is what I did and it worked a TREAT. grin

Justwondering79 Thu 06-Oct-16 15:04:24

Metronidazole for a nasty tooth abscess. No alcohol and not being able to chew steak is a bitchwink

TheABC Thu 06-Oct-16 15:11:31

Or, accept a glass of wine and pretend to sip it at regular intervals. Another trick for me was to say "no thanks to the wine - I am on orange and vodka", minus the vodka. And, although it's an old chestnut, you can always claim you can't drink due to antibiotics.

Regarding the diet, you may be able to steer that one with some meal planning or a trip to the restaurant. A cheeseboard with hard and soft cheeses so you can join in, baked fish instead of seafood, etc. Another option is to do some in-season dishes, all of which are open to pregnant ladies. Wild mushrooms, game and root vegetables are all good. Truffle risotto, anyone?

Teaspoon74 Thu 06-Oct-16 19:01:17

Puddock - I decided to do Stoptober when I realised I was 6wks with busy social drinking nights coming up. Best. Get out. Ever!
Plus I'm raising money for a charity I care deeply about!
#doublewin

Oysterbabe Fri 07-Oct-16 07:01:46

Just accept the wine, pretend to sip it, put the glass next to your husbands so that he can pick it up and sip from it. People really don't pay that much attention. My DH did end up tipsy on double wine though.
Are they coming to yours or are you going out? Seems simple enough to cook something you can have or order safe foods.

bobcat85 Fri 07-Oct-16 08:18:10

I never really understand these kind of situations. Surely even if someone guessed you don't need to confirm or deny that you're pregnant.
Just announce it when you're ready and if they do guess then you don't have to answer or just deny it.

doodlejump1980 Fri 07-Oct-16 08:26:52

Is there some alcohol free wine you can hide in the kitchen to refill your own glass? / fill a carafe with so it's on the table?

positivity123 Fri 07-Oct-16 08:46:43

Something similar happened to me. I had a miscarriage last year at 12 weeks so didn't want to tell anyone I was pregnant this time until.the 12 weeks scan. We had a family gathering at 7 weeks with wine, parma ham and I had bad morning sickness. I just pretended to drink wine and avoided the foods I couldn't eat and nobody said anything. When I announced I was pregnant my family said they thought that I might be but they had been too polite to say and they were all delighted for us. I think saying antibiotics is a dead giveaway. My advice would be to accept that people might talk about it but that's no bad thing. Huge congratulations on your pregnancy

haveacupoftea Fri 07-Oct-16 17:48:07

They're visiting you, just dont buy in anything you cant eat but lots of nice treats that can you and enthuse over how youre really getting into tapas or whatever.

PippaRose Fri 07-Oct-16 18:27:52

I had a big family lunch at my Mum's with the inlaws and hid elderflower cordial in my old room and used water to make the colour similar to wine. As I was helping her host no one noticed.

When staying with other family I just said I wasn't drinking, no one said anything but of course confessed they guessed once we had announced!

ConvincingLiar Fri 07-Oct-16 19:38:31

I'd hope they wouldn't be rude enough to speculate publicly. I'd go with something bland like you're just getting over a virus.

WordGetsAround Fri 07-Oct-16 19:45:00

I always find it very amusing when people say emphatically that they are not telling 'ANY' family...followed by '...except my mum...'!

wilfrhodes Fri 07-Oct-16 19:46:26

i had a weekend at the ILs at the same stage. upon arrival, they greeted us with rum punch, which i politely declined. my dh said i was getting over a stomach upset. i am by no means an alcoholic lush but i felt my mil sussed, as she stopped offering me wine for the rest of the weekend.

weeks followed and when we eventually rang to tell them, after our first scan, mil said they had guessed that weekend, but when so much time had passed since they had come to the conclusion they must have been mistaken!

anyway, they did not care a jot - they were just delighted at our news. yours will be too. smile

Flingmoo Fri 07-Oct-16 21:14:33

Thanks for the ideas! I really am just getting over a virus so that wouldn't actually be a lie... we'll see how it goes. I think DH just wants to tell them so we don't have to faff around trying to hide it.

WordGetsAround Well, mums are special and different aren't they! Apart from DH who would hopefully be by my side, the first person I'd call if I miscarried would be my own mum. So from that side of things she might as well know about the pregnancy at an earlier stage than everyone else because at least that way I have her to confide in about pregnancy stuff. Everyone else I'd rather wait until there's less chance of something going wrong as I wouldn't want to have to announce bad news to lots of different friends and relatives.

I'd like to think if I ever have a daughter she would be able to tell me 'secrets' too smile

supercaliforniasurfer Fri 07-Oct-16 21:20:58

But on the flip side of that, what if you had a son. Would you want him to tell you too?

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