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I am a surrogate and just been diagnosed as bipolar...(5 Posts)
Sorry if it's the wrong place to post, but I didn't know where else to put this.
This is my first time being a surrogate mother and im 15 weeks pregnant with their child. I am a traditional surrogate so the baby has been made with my own egg and the husbands sperm. They're a truly lovely couple and cervical cancer meant she is unable to get pregnant.
Already have two kids of my own (2 and 3) surrogacy is always something i wanted to do so after chatting with my partner, we agreed and the couple made contact with me. I have been through various medical tests and assessments that gave me the all clear to go ahead with this but i withdrew some of the truth from them (about how im feeling) I previously had no history of mental health but I have always felt this was (just didn't go to the doctors)
Me and my partner separated a month ago due to illnesses effects. I've had to sign off work sick and my ex partner has taken two weeks of work to have the kids because I can not handle them in the state im in. The doctor has suggested im in an extremely depressed stage of my bipolar. I am just laying in bed all day.
A few days ago I was diagnosed as bipolar. I was put on medication that is safe for the baby, there is other medication (that will probably help me more) but it has danger for the baby so I have refused them for now. The medication im having is not helping.
I haven't told the couple any of this currently. We meet once a week and they come to all my appointments etc. They know ive broken up with my partner but they think its for other reasons. Obviously, at my next appointment im going to have to tell the midwife this so they will find out.
I am just really worried. Because I am bipolar my children have an increased risk of also being bipolar (my mum is also bipolar) and since this baby is biologically mine, the couple may worry that this baby could be bipolar. I am also concerned that if I can't take the stronger meds (because im pregnant) then my children will suffer for it as I will be in this state.
Im now also worried about the impact giving the baby away is going to have on me. Right now i have no connection with this baby, i am simply growing this baby for them im not its mother. But i cant help worrying that after, it will have mental impacts on me.
I really don't know what to do. I don't want to think of the alternative because how can I abort a baby that is so wanted and will have a good life and everything it needs and wants with an amazing couple who will be amazing parents.
but i withdrew some of the truth from them
I think you need to start being honest now.
Not having a pop, but if you knew you were withholding your true feelings - surely that gave you alarm bells in first place before going ahead with it?
Those questions/tests are there for everyone's safety and health, not to pick and choose
You know you have done wrong in not being honest with them but now that is done you need to think about how to sort things out.
You need to be honest with the parents as soon as is possible and in my opinion you need counselling individually and with the parents if possible in order to keep things on track. You will need to work through the options together and while you may not come to agreement it would be best to have a third party with you to try to help get things sorted as best you can.
You must feel so pulled apart at the moment with all you are going through so try to be kind to yourself, I hope others are kind to you too through the pregnancy and birth and you get support after as well to try to come to terms with your diagnosis and your break-up.
Dlah: I understand what you're saying, but I didn't believe there was an issue. I knew I felt strange in the past but in the mood I was in when I did it (manic) I did not believe there was a problem. I was happy (maybe a bit too much so) with my life and I was excited for the future, I felt good. One of the horrible things about bipolar. When I am depressed (like now) I feel like there is something wrong with me, but when I get over the depression and in to mania or hypo mania, I believe that I am fine and was over reacting. I should have told them about my feelings but at the time I truely felt it was insignificant.
I spoke to the mother on the phone just now and I have told her. She seemed sympathetic and told me if I ever needed to talk to anyone then phone her and she will support me through this process and after if I needed her too. It feels like a big weight has been taking from my shoulders. I am going to see the doctor tomorrow and find out the risks taking the medication will have then weigh up the pros and cons and discuss with the parents if I should take them.
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