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Having first child at 40....would you do it again?

(21 Posts)
SecretPeanut Tue 27-Sep-16 14:37:07

As the title really, how many have had their first child and 40 or older?
Would you do it again?

I don't currently have any DC, i'm 38 now and am planning my first for when i reach 40.

LHReturns Tue 27-Sep-16 16:10:26

Hi OP - I had my DC at 38, and am now 40, and exactly 4.5 weeks pregnant with my second. This one was IVF, and obviously I have a LONG way to go before we know of it is healthy and viable.

I waited because I hadn't met the right man, and my career was all consuming.

Have you had some fertility checks to see what your ovarian reserve and other hormone levels look like? Having a child older is the best thing I ever did, but I certainly didn't assume it would be easy to conceive and deliver a healthy baby at that age. Maybe you already know your fertility is in good shape?

Good luck!

EreniTheFrog Tue 27-Sep-16 16:50:01

I'm not able to answer your question as I had my first at 31 and am currently pregnant with my last at 39. However.. as much as the statistics do show that the average TTC and average pregnancy are usually harder at 40 than 30, don't lose sight of your own personal circumstances. Some women are in much better health at 40 - perhaps drinking less, healthier weight, fitter etc - than they were earlier. And health does ultimately matter more than age.

LHReturns Tue 27-Sep-16 17:06:34

Ereni, while some of what you say may be true, that simply isn't true in cases of dimished ovarian reserve or poor egg quality. As the OP has not yet had a baby, unless she had had some fertility tests done, she won't know how easy it will be to both create a pregnancy and hold on to a pregnancy until she tries.

It is scientific fact that a far greater proportion of an older woman's eggs are abnormal, and unable to create a normal embryo and pregnancy. Whether she is fit and healthy has little to do with the quantity and quality of eggs in her ovaries, and the quality of her uterus lining.

bibbitybobbityyhat Tue 27-Sep-16 17:10:17

I had my children at 38 and almost 41 and have no regrets, except that in a way I wish I had had them at around the age of 35. Not because I felt too old or struggled to conceive, it has more to do with the age I will be when they leave home! But it's a small thing really.

I wouldn't delay though, if I were you, op.

NellysKnickers Tue 27-Sep-16 17:17:20

I will be completely honest and say no. I'm 40 now. Had my first at 28 and second at 34. It's the sleepless nights that would put me off another, if I could afford a night-time nanny, I may be persuaded.

BeardMinge Tue 27-Sep-16 18:52:59

I got pregnant at 39, complete surprise, but had a mmc. Then conceived again at 40 and had an amazing daughter (and relatively straightforward pregnancy). Currently trying again at almost 43, but not getting my hopes up.

Would I do it again? Well it wasn't really planned, but yes, my daughter brings me am absolutely immense amount of joy and fulfilment.

However, it is tiring, and I find myself worrying about my own mortality rather more than I would like. I do feel very sad about the fact that she is unlikely to have any siblings, and that my parents (who had me at a similar age) are unlikely to be around to enjoy her for much longer. Worrying about a pair of eighty somethings, and a toddler can be exhausting at times, and they can't be as much practical help as they would like to be.

In an ideal world I would have had my children early-mid thirties, unfortunately my ex had other ideas!

NameChange30 Tue 27-Sep-16 18:56:02

Why do you want to wait another 2 years, OP?

I think it would be better to start TTC now if you can.

Churchillian Tue 27-Sep-16 19:05:57

Had mine at 41 and 43 - no issues conceiving. I am knackered though, but not sure that's entirely age related? I wasn't in the right place/hadn't met the right person until then. It's just the way it worked out for me, do what's right for you. I would have been a disastrous parent in my 20's and early 30's.

Oly5 Tue 27-Sep-16 19:35:27

Why on earth would you wait? The chances of having a baby are much less at 40 than 38. Your being naive if you think it doesn't matter

Oysterbabe Tue 27-Sep-16 19:38:05

I'm sure I saw on that fertility program that was on the other day that the miscarriage rate over 40 is close to 50% I'd crack on if you can.

Womble75 Tue 27-Sep-16 19:42:58

I had my first at 37 now 14 weeks pregnant with no2 at 41. 4 mc's inbetween.
Both conceived naturally. Reason for lateness was meeting the right man and I was adamant I wasn't ever going to have children until I met my DH.
If you are certain you want children I would in all honesty start trying now. It can take awhile and personally I wouldn't wait another couple of years. I know I was very lucky with DD1 but this time has taken awhile with the added trauma of mc's. Ironically I had given up trying for no2 when it happened but it's still been a tense time.

Northernlurker Tue 27-Sep-16 22:19:45

Planning to wait till you are forty means you are effectively planning to wait whilst your chance of conception goes down and your chance of miscarriage and complications goes up. Not a good idea.

I'm 39 now and I finished my baby producing years nearly a decade ago. Don't hang around op. Time is eggs and you don't know how many you've got left.

slightlyglitterbrained Tue 27-Sep-16 22:27:52

Had DS at 40. Now 45 and no luck with a sibling. I suspect we squeezed DS in just in time.

Bear in mind that if you are 40 rather than 39, it will affect your treatment during pregnancy/childbirth - e.g. I was consultant care because the single risk factor of being 40 (nothing else, blood pressure, BMI, etc all boringly normal) meant I was automatically assigned to a consultant. Had I gone overdue then induction would have been offered straight away rather than letting me get to a week over, and so on.

SecretPeanut Wed 28-Sep-16 12:01:31

Thanks all.

The reason im not considering it now is because of career and other committments. Come 40 i will be in a much better position to raise a child.

They may be an issue with fertility as ive been having the depo injection for the last 19 years. (im aware of the risks!!).

This i am taking into account and trying to make a decision based on the complications of the depo and my age. I appreciate its all kind of going against me

stumblymonkey Wed 28-Sep-16 12:30:58

Personally even though now is not the ideal time for me be pregnant/have a child (wedding, career, finances) I'm still going ahead and not putting it off.

All of those other things can be brought back onto track at a later date...I can't say the same for my fertility.

NameChange30 Wed 28-Sep-16 12:32:20

Perhaps you could get a fertility check now, then you'll have a better idea of whether you absolutely must start TTC now or whether you can afford to take the risk of waiting.

How important is it to you to have a biological child? If you would regret not having one, I suggest making it a priority sooner rather than later. But if it's not as important to you as other things, perhaps you'd be more comfortable with the possibility of not being able to have one.

2catsandadog Wed 28-Sep-16 12:55:29

I have never been pregnant, but adopted a little one when I was 41.

Oh my goodness. The sleep deprivation, carrying him around, playing on the floor, playgroups where I am old enough to be the other Mothers mother... It is H A R D.

Would I change it? Not on your nelly, but it is hard. Harder than it looks.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 28-Sep-16 15:11:03

43 and 13w preg with first baby

Personally would have preferred to be younger but Mother Nature didn't play ball

Hopefully you will get preg easily but I didn't. Ttc 10yrs and finally got preg in 5th private ivf

I was lucky and have good eggs for my age - maybe get amh and fsh levels ch eked so you know you are are up against

If not then would you use donor eggs? Would you do this alone or a partner about?

Had friends who fell easily /thought was menopause and over 40 do can happen

Personally I wouldn't leave it another year or two due to age

saminus Wed 28-Sep-16 17:15:37

Really useful reading this thread - am 42 and (I think) about 8.5 wks pregnant. Unplanned and very unexpected. Never been pregnant before - no mc and no kids.
Worried and nervous as a younger pal has just had a mc.
Feel less alone to know there are others out there.

chloechloe Wed 28-Sep-16 18:55:30

I had my first at 35 and am expecting my second now at 37. My DH and I have been together for 17 years but put off having kids to focus on our careers amongst other things. Fortunately all worked out well for us, but knowing what I know now I think maybe it was risky to leave it late. It was only when I was pregnant that I learnt just how much the risks of having a disabled child increase with age. Then there is the fact that fertility does decline with age (though not as much as the Daily Mail would have you believe). The risk of miscarriage also increases. Looking back now I probably should have made a more informed decision.

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