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Anyone else not feeling connected to baby?

(40 Posts)
onecrazycook Sun 18-Sep-16 16:58:48

I'm just past 9 weeks pregnant and feeling absolutely nothing for my baby. I'm really concerned that this isn't normal. I do want it, despite my husband being less than keen, but I'm finding it hard to feel any connection.

Anyone else? Or should I be worried? sad

Elllicam Sun 18-Sep-16 16:59:33

Have you had a scan yet? I generally feel more connected after I see the baby.

Dlah Sun 18-Sep-16 17:06:56

I felt similar.

I wanted to get pregnant/have a child yet when I fell pregnant I expected these overwhelming feelings of joy and happiness when in reality I felt no different whatsoever.

It's only really been since she's moved and we've got the nursery ready I've now got past that point tbf

I'm sure you'll feel it in time

onecrazycook Sun 18-Sep-16 17:21:43

Ellicam no not yet. My first midwife appointment is Wednesday. I just kind of feel like it's not happening. It's very strange

UnicornPee Sun 18-Sep-16 17:22:15

Just wait til your 12 week scan and the magic will happen.

RaeSkywalker Sun 18-Sep-16 17:35:07

I didn't feel very connected until about 16 weeks, when I felt it move. I was really sick with HG, so the first trimester in particular was really hard. I think the way you feel is totally normal! It's surreal being pregnant, particularly when the only 'evidence' is a positive test. Lots of people feel better after the dating scan.

For the record- now at 31 weeks, I find myself chatting away to it all the time!

Trifleorbust Sun 18-Sep-16 17:38:48

Very early days, don't worry!

OhtoblazeswithElvira Sun 18-Sep-16 17:40:04

Hi OP. I think your feelings are very usual. It's very early on, you are probably not showing, your due date is sooooo far away... and your baby is so tiny in there. The connection will come as you have scans, your bump grows and baby starts kicking and wriggling I am not jealous at all smile

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Crystal15 Sun 18-Sep-16 17:40:34

Some people don't. It's normal. My friend never when pregnant and when mine were born it took me a while to feel the joy of parenting. We are sold this big fib of parenting been blissful. Pregnancy is tiring, painful and hormonal! Having a new baby is tiring, scary and takes time to adjust. Don't judge yourself. I'm on my 3rd pregnancy now and only now after knowing what lies ahead and some experience of motherhood I can relax and feel excitement. Just go with however you feel, your love will come. It always does, it's just fear of not feeling what you think is expected smile

OvariesForgotHerPassword Sun 18-Sep-16 17:44:02

It's really normal. I didn't feel connected to the baby until I was 36 weeks, in hospital being induced! In fairness this was due to unplanned pregnancy, young and unprepared etc - but DD is now two and my best friend, and the rush of love after birth was immediate.

Really normal, honestly. It could kick in for you after the scan smile

MadrigalElectromotive Sun 18-Sep-16 17:49:41

I didn't feel connected all the way through. It was a tough pregnancy with HG and other complications.

She's now 4 months and I am totally and completely smitten. It happened as soon as I saw her after she was born. smile

onecrazycook Sun 18-Sep-16 17:53:17

Thanks guys. This is reassuring. I honestly thought I was going to end up not loving my child I feel so ...meh...about it all. I'm sure it's not being helped by DH's attitude to it though. I think once I've had the scan and can tell some people I'll feel a bit more mummy-like

RaeSkywalker Sun 18-Sep-16 17:56:47

one is your DH being supportive? It doesn't sound like it from your posts sad

CeCeBloomer Sun 18-Sep-16 18:00:03

I haven't felt connected until birth really! Totally normal - don't even give it a second thought

onecrazycook Sun 18-Sep-16 18:06:42

Rae no, not really. It's a bit of a long story really, but we are "older". I'm 39 and he's 40. He's very wrapped up in his own social life- going to the football with his single mates etc and his primary concern is that he might have to stop that. This is a whole other thread though....

skyyequake Sun 18-Sep-16 18:14:15

I never felt overly connected, I loved feeling her wriggle around (less so during the night time!) but couldn't quite make it reality in my head that this was my baby... It didn't even happen after birth, but I think that was due to traumatic birth... I didn't really make a "bond" with her till she was around 3-4 weeks... I felt horrible, and of course i cared about her and looked after her, but it was only after this time that I felt she was mine and we had that special mother-baby bond... She's now 14mo and I love her so much it hurts sometimes and we have a fantastic bond, which I cherish so much

You'll be fine, you might feel it when you see the first scan, or the second, or after birth, or when they crack their first smile, but you will definitely feel it flowers

bobcat85 Sun 18-Sep-16 18:51:52

I'm nearly 32 weeks and not feeling connected at all to the baby. I think it's because it feels so unreal and until baby arrives I probably won't have any real connection. Even the scans have not made me feel connected at all. I've read that you should talk to bump but I really can't bring myself to do it as it feels so weird.

Don't worry at all, some people don't and you shouldn't feel bad about it.

Lookinatu Sun 18-Sep-16 18:54:24

I didn't feel connected until they were both born. I think it was a coping mechanism for me and to make sure they were real. Seems a bit odd but I seemed to do it with both pregnancies.

LuchiMangsho Sun 18-Sep-16 18:59:49

I never felt connected to a baby bump. Having a real baby felt v abstract. Then DS was born and I loved him but I wasn't starry eyed. We have a fabulous bond now. And I cannot imagine life without him. I am pregnant again (after some losses) and I am much more connected to this bump because the end product, ie a baby and what it entails is more real to me.

BettyOBarley Sun 18-Sep-16 19:00:01

I didn't feel connected to my DD until she was born really and even then I didn't have that 'rush' of love people talk about...

I'm now 39.5 weeks with DC2 and feel the same again, I haven't felt any real excitement yet (will just be relieved when baby is here safe and well is my main feeling)

GlitteryFluff Sun 18-Sep-16 19:00:55

I didn't feel connected at all throughout my pregnancy (all 42 weeks and a day of it). It didn't feel real. We planned and wanted him, we were excited and bought everything, but it just didn't feel real. He was born via c section and I didn't get that rush of love either (his birth or afterwards). It took time to connect once he was here too. My dm was welling up every time she saw him, saying her heart hurt with so much love, and I was just like 'okayyy..' - I didn't get it. And he was an easy baby. It was so weird. He's 2 now and he's amazing (and a pain) but all the pregnancy and first few weeks i felt in a daze almost. Like I knew it was happening and it was to me but it still didn't feel right. I dunno, I'm rambling now.

LuchiMangsho Sun 18-Sep-16 19:01:19

I never talked to the bump. What on earth would I say? I talked non stop to DS from when he was born though and now he talks non stop at me. He has a cold and a cough and would recover much quicker if only he stopped talking and let his throat rest. Argh.

AristotlesTrousers Sun 18-Sep-16 19:01:56

I never did, with either of mine, not until they were born, and even then it took a few hours to bond.

skyyequake Sun 18-Sep-16 19:20:33

GlitteryFluff I feel like we experienced almost the exact same thing (different birth circumstances) but the daze, feeling like it wasn't really happening, the whole lot... To be honest when I look back it still doesn't feel like it happened to me, its like I slipped into an alternate universe for like a month or two

wayway13 Sun 18-Sep-16 19:33:35

Don't worry OP, I'm just starting to connect with this pregnancy and I'm 37 weeks (this is my 2nd DC). I've been too ill and busy with PFB to bond.

You will love your child! Maybe not now or during pregnancy or even immediately after birth (took me a few days with DD) but you will.

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