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unplanned pregnancy with an abusive ex

(14 Posts)
papertown Sat 03-Sep-16 21:28:00

So cut a long story short, me and my ex were together for many years 10+ we bought a house together a few years ago planned a pregnancy for the following year (2014)engaged everything was perfect. End of 2014 comes round we discuss having a baby, both what we want perfect get pregnant! End of 2015 Baby is 3 months old he starts to turn into an arsehole (the ex not the baby!) fast forward to now, he's currently on bail for common assault ( on me) and criminal damage to our property, again arsehole! He's not allowed any contact with me, house is for sale and after the court I am hoping to get a restraining order put on him. My period doesn't come,put it down to stress, done a test today bloody pregnant totally unplanned total shock. Last period was 12 weeks ago I have a 1 year old wtf how am I going to cope. Termination just seems like an impossible decision to me I just don't think I could go through with it. Has anybody else been in a similar situation? Help me confused

papertown Sun 04-Sep-16 15:21:22

Thanks for the support ladies hmm

babbafishbabe Sun 04-Sep-16 15:26:09

Hmmmm if you don't want a termination then you are going to be single mum to two babies.

Congratulations on ditching the Ex !!!

Onedaftmonkey Sun 04-Sep-16 15:32:20

First well done for ditching the violent bastard. You deserve so much better. Second. Being a single mum is hard but not beyond the capabilities of us gals. I hope u have support from your family. As for the termination route thats between you and yourself. No-one can tell u what is right or wrong. Trust your instincts.
Good luck. brew flowerscake
Sorry I can't be of any real help. Be strong you've got this far.

GloriousSlug Sun 04-Sep-16 15:33:31

What will the age gap be between the two children? Do you have much of a support network?

In your situation I'd be strongly considering a termination (I have had children and had a termination and would say that the former is infinitely more difficult to deal with but I appreciate that it's a very personal decision!)

Does your ex have any contact with your baby?

papertown Sun 04-Sep-16 15:47:00

My child will be 18 months old when this one is due. He's seen him a couple of times in two months supervised by my mum but I've put papers in and now have a court date for a residency order and prohibited steps order. By no means do I wish to limit or stop contact but he's far to unpredictable and nasty to trust to see him on his own. I question my decisions everyday if I'm doing the right thing? This is going to be the hardest decision to make I just hope I don't regret what I decided? sad

Desmondo2016 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:04:44

I wonder if you may get more appropriate support and responses on a different forum, relatonships has a lot of traffic. The bottom line is that only you can decide. Breaking it down I guess it comes down to a) your stance on abortion (later abortion in particular ) and b) whether being a single mum to 2 is something you can manage/consider.

If you wanted my actual opinion (this is MN after all!!) Keep your gorgeous previous baby and although it will be tough you WILL manage and will have no regrets.

Desmondo2016 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:05:30

Arggghh lol keep your PRECIOUS baby lol. It goes without saying you'll keep the previous one !!! Sorry !!!

scaevola Sun 04-Sep-16 16:12:17

Yes, a different topic, such as 'Relationships' as suggested above, or 'Pregnancy Choices' if you want to discuss issues around deciding on a termination of pregnancy, might bring more posters with relevant knowledge/experience to support you. It indeed 'Lone Parents' if you want to ask about what it's like being single-handed with two.

Here, in Pregnancy, the most important advice is to go and see you GP and get a dating scan, but even before that start taking a supplement containing folic acid (even though you may be really late in the window for its protective effect)

papertown Sun 04-Sep-16 16:41:22

Thank you for your views! I wanted brutal honest opinions that's why I posted on mn! Definitely helped me thank you!!

43percentburnt Sun 04-Sep-16 16:51:33

Well done on ditching the ex and getting measures put in place. I highly recommend keeping a very in depth diary detailing any communications he tries to have with you in the meantime.

I guess the difficulty is regardless of whether you keep this baby your contact with your ex won't change as you already have one child together. What is happening regarding contact? Have you taken advice on the restraining order and if he has to be done quickly?

It's a very tough decision to make. Whats your working situation? Can you afford childcare for 2 children? What's your family support network like? Maintenance? I guess the answers to these questions will help you make a decision.

I hope everything gets better for you.

papertown Sun 04-Sep-16 18:28:23

Currently he's seeing our child when he can be bothered through my mum as a temporary measure until I can get official supervised visits in place, he's out on bail at the moment which states he can't come to the house or contact me in any way. What's really frustrating is he keeps sending nasty messages to my mum about me, he has no clue that he's the one that's created this situation and totally blames me for it all.
I work three long days a week just about managing to meet childcare costs but thinking of dropping a day as it's just too much to cope with on my own.
I have the support of a couple of close friends and my mum and sister which is great but I still feel a burden on them.
I think I need to think of my child I have now by putting him first and what's best for him, I don't know if I could manage with two young children on my own? It's hard enough with one, not the position I ever thought I would be in. Why do some men go off their sanity wagon after a child? Thanks mn's

hownottofuckup Sun 04-Sep-16 18:37:00

Hey OP, I was on a similar position last year, was a nightmare. I did keep the baby, I couldn't get my head around a termination and to be completely honest I kind of figured that as we already had DC it wasn't like this one would link me to him any more or less then the others.
I think with something like this you just have to go with your gut.

papertown Sun 04-Sep-16 18:55:03

Hey hownottofuckup how did you cope? I have the same thoughts we already have one so that wouldn't make a difference on things just me and my life. Did you have any regrets?

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