How do I stay positive?

[user1469543571]

I am 18 weeks pregnant and I don't know why I am posting really I just need a bit of moral support from somewhere. My marriage is in bits, we conceived this baby in one of the 3 times we have had sex in 18 months.

I can't stand the way my body is feeling - the spots, I feel so heavy and horrible.

I am terrified of childbirth - I can't stand vaginal examinations and I get very distressed. The thought of anyone touching me there or me tearing makes me feel faint. My midwife has referred me to the consultant midwife to discuss this.

I have no one to talk to and I feel so alone. Are any of these feelings normal?

[DanniAngelMummy]

Hey :)
I'm sorry to hear about your marriage - not much I can say part from I hope he steps up and the baby brings you closer.
As for the vaginal examination etc, before I had my first baby I was extremely private. I once had a hospital stay where my mum had to shower me in a towel!!! But when I was giving birth it's an out of body experience.. I genuinely didn't care, I just wanted baby here safe and sound. Your body takes over!
As for feeling yuck in pregnancy... I can empathise with that!! Bring on 8 weeks so I can get myself back!! Xx

[mikesh909]

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad OP.

I'm 27 weeks pregnant and I know exactly what you mean about feeling uncomfortable in your body. FWIW, I think this got better for me shortly after the stage you're at. At 18 weeks I just looked fat rather than pregnant but this does change. I know its a drop in the bucket in terms of symptoms but maybe you'll feel better when you look more obviously pregnant? There's also lots of advice about how your diet can help with other symptoms.

Re. your feelings on childbirth, I'm sure you know you're not alone there. Have you read anything? Take an open mind and read something (or better, a few things) on the topic. Whilst they all approach birth from different angles and suggest different coping techniques, one thing all the authors I've read so far [Juju Sundin, Sophie Fletcher, Marie Mongan, Ina May Gaskin] have in common is the way the explain where our negative messages about childbirth come from. Even if you think you want all the drugs, it's worth thinking about. At 18 weeks, you're not committing to any one approach but its not too soon to start thinking about what would work for you. One thing I have learned is that vaginal examinations are not a prerequisite. You are allowed to decline them if you so wish.

I don't know what to say about your marriage but that sounds tough on top of everything else. How does your husband feel about the pregnancy?

[zopeckham]

Hi sweetie,

Sorry to hear things feel a bit of a struggle at the moment. It sounds a lot to deal with, have you got friends or family to talk to? Maybe that might help you know you'll be supported by them through the pregnancy and after.

I suffer from chronic pelvic pain which makes internal examinations very uncomfortable/nerve wracking & also had a sad pregnancy loss a few years ago which left me quite fearful of hospitals. I found counselling really really helpful. I'm 11 weeks now and if all goes well with baby but any of those fears come back, I will def speak to a counsellor again. Maybe your GP might be able to recommend you a service to help, or you could ask your midwives about women's health counsellors? I've come across two hospitals in london who offer it x