Worried i won't be a good mum(14 Posts)
Hiya. So i'm 26 weeks pregnant and i can't wait till my little girl is born but i'm worried i won't be a good mum. I know i will love her with all my heart but as far as experience goes,i've had none. I've never even changed a nappy in my life. I do read books and watch videos online but i feel i will just get it all wrong. Am i the only one feeling like this?
I have a 16 week old. Having a baby is such a step learning curve. I suspect having experience as a parent would give you confidence but every baby/child is different. The fact that you are worried about this suggests you will be a good Mum. If you think you are over worried speak to your midwife.
I was surprised by how much of parenting is guess work and just winging it.
Good luck, OP. I think the ones who have real problems are the ones who think they have it all figured out. I used to say when I was pregnant that if I felt that I couldn't be a good mother when my baby was born, I would give her to someone who could be a good mother. All my friends thought I was being ridiculous and as it turned out I could never have given my dd away.
However the least of your worries is changing nappies, you learn that in a couple of days.
And don't ever follow any method 100%. I also got all the manuals
As pp said, the fact your worried is actually a positive sign that you'll be just great.
I had no experience when my eldest was born but the minute he arrived, I wanted to learn everything super quick so I knew how to do it. Ask the midwife for pointers. An invaluable piece of advice mine gave me was how to hold baby in the bath, safely, in one hand whilst using the other hand to wash. I hadn't even a clue how to make a bottle up. You learn quick!!
Never be scared to ask for advice, that's what they are there for xx
Everybody has never changed a nappy or fed a baby at some point in their lives, it's fine.
Anyway, every baby has their little quirks so it's hardly ever a one size fits all thing. I'm sure that the fact you're worried and that you've been looking things up is a good sine, I'm sure you'll both be fine.
Are you going to go to antenatal classes as the midwives go through things like this. It's normal to worry!
You're definitely not the only one who feels like that!!
I'm pregnant with my second at the moment, and I'm quickly realising that my Dd was the "trial and error child" they don't come with instructions, you have to work it out for yourself....and as scary as it seems, it's really not when it comes down to it! You learn what works and what doesn't through trial and error, and the mistakes you inevitably make don't matter in the long run
You'll do great OP
I had never changed a nappy either. Nor had DH actually.
We went to antenatal classes and they had dolls to put nappies on and that was our first time!
Then when the baby came home I literally had the newborn in one hand and my phone in the other and googled every question that came into my head "How.long do newborns nap for?" "How often do newborns poo?" "Is my newborn hungry?" (The answer to that one is always YES)
No matter what question I asked, I found someone had asked the exact same thing on a forum somewhere. Or on here. The day I realised I could ask the same questions in the search box here was a good day.
I often say that Google taught me how to parent!
Seems to have worked out well though!
You'll be find. Because you care.
There will be days when everything goes to plan and you dare to think that you're not doing terribly. And there will be days when despite your best intentions it all goes wrong, things don't work out, kids play up and you snap more than you meant to.
But each day is a fresh start and your building a relationship not passing a test. The cumulative love and care that you pour into them acts as a bit of grace for the days when things don't quite go well. And when they are old enough I'm a big believer in being prepared to apologise if you make a mistake.
You will be fine. It will be a roller coaster, but there's nothing like it and watching your child unfurl like a flower blossoming is the most amazing privilege and adventure.
The worry you're feeling is a perfectly normal thing. In some ways it's a good thing.
It's the people who don't give a toss who are bad parents.
No book can really prepare you, trust your gut, ask a million questions if you have to and the answer to almost anything can be found on mumsnet.
Don't get nervous. When I was pregnant, I had same issue. My mother helped me a lot. Now, I think I am a perfect MOM. I am sure same thing will happen with you too. Watching videos can help you a lot.
I feel very much the same as you. Don't despair, there are parent craft classes and great midwives. I'm almost 20 weeks now and literally have changed one nappy on my niece. I had to get my mum to help as she's a wriggler and I realised I had no clue how to even stick it together.
My family and friends that have had children say it's very much learn on the job and instinct. Good luck x
Before I had my little girl I actually disliked kids, to the point that people were shocked when I announved my pregnancy. She is now 1 and a half and I am due to give birth with my second any day now. I had never fed a baby or changed a nappy before DD was born but so many people commented that I took to motherhood so well. You will know what to do and if you don't you will learn so quickly you will surprise yourself. Good luck with your baby, I am sure that the fact that you are worries about being a good Mum means you will be a great one xx
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.