Talk

Advanced search

Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

Third child

(6 Posts)
Jessicaaa0x Sun 28-Aug-16 01:40:53

I currently have a 7 month old and a 2&1/2 year old with my ex partner he was my world and we were together 4&1/2 years, however he left me just before I had my second child and I was heartbroken, I moved on quickly to a family friend who I've always had a little something with and I've recently found out I'm pregnant, he immediately said to me f****ng get rid, he already has a little boy and said he would never wAnt another unless it was with the same woman, the night I found out I went out and got blind drunk I was so scared I dont know what to do, any advice would be great fully received thank you Jess. Xx

Jessicaaa0x Sun 28-Aug-16 01:43:41

I currently have a 7 month old and a 2&1/2 year old with my ex partner he was my world and we were together 4&1/2 years, however he left me just before I had my second child and I was heartbroken, I moved on quickly to a family friend who I've always had a little something with and I've recently found out I'm pregnant, he immediately said to me f****ng get rid, he already has a little boy and said he would never wAnt another unless it was with the same woman, the night I found out I went out and got blind drunk I was so scared I dont know what to do, any advice would be great fully received thank you Jess xx

pontificationcentral Sun 28-Aug-16 01:47:16

No one can advise you on whether to have an abortion or not. Entirely your choice. Clearly you are not going to be supported by your rebound partner, so you will be going it alone if you choose to keep the baby.
You don't mention the father of your other children - is this new pregnancy likely to make a difference to any support he currently provides to them? It may be difficult further down the line if the oldest two happily trip off to their dad's but the third is not in that position?
Ultimately the choice is yours. I know when a previous partner gave me that ultimatum, it cemented the fact that I no longer wanted anything to do with him.
Good luck whatever you choose, but it is possibly time to take some time out from relationships and be secure in your own ability to look after yourself and your children. Rebound relationships, especially with tiny babies in the mix, aren't a great plan.

EreniTheFrog Sun 28-Aug-16 06:59:22

Good advice from PP - poor you, you sound so scared flowers. Do you have a good HV or GP you could speak to? Are there any pregnancy advice centres locally?

One thing I will say at this stage - don't drink whilst pregnant, or if you do, don't drink during the first twelve weeks and don't ever get drunk. Am sure you know the harm that can cause.

Jessicaaa0x Sun 28-Aug-16 07:23:30

I can't imagine it would make any difference to my girls relationship with their dad he is an amazing dad and I can't fault him at all, and I know if I was to have this baby this father would see and support the child as he does with his son now. I have no idea what to do, I struggle now with my girls they are hard work, so to think I could potentially have 3 and be on my own scares me so much!

pontificationcentral Sun 28-Aug-16 16:53:45

Honey, he told you to 'fucking get rid'. How does this equate with a loving relationship with his existing son, who he has already told you he would only want to have a sibling from the same mother? <ie, not you?>
I don't think you can compare it to his existing relationship with his child and assume it will be the same... you do have to be prepared to do this on your own.
Even if he did agree to an ongoing relationship with the child, you would be stuck in a long term agreement with a man who you had told to abort in no uncertain terms. This is a man you would have to be dealing with until the child is 18, and then presumably for family occasions thereafter. Whether you keep the baby or not, can you continue to engage with this man knowing that he really only wanted a child with his previous relationship and wanted nothing to do with yours? This isn't happily ever after, however much he loves his existing son.
Leave the deeply unpleasant sperm donor out of the equation, and consider yourself if you want a third child, if you can cope with a third child (possibly before your second child is walking) and work out what you would need to do to support your new family - do your existing circumstances (housing, car, work situation) allow for three children, three car seats, three lots of childcare etc. My third was brain damaged by a birth injury, but even without that sort of event, having three children is a big step.
It is absolutely possible for you to parent three children if you want to. But please don't be hanging your hopes on a guy as a rescuer who has already told you he does not want children with you. Plan to do it without him if you plan to do it at all.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now