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Pregnancy and depression

(7 Posts)
TinyHumanJan17 Sat 27-Aug-16 21:01:49

Not sure how many people are in the same boat as me but just wondering if theres any other ladies who are dealing with depression whilst being pregnant? Im 21 weeks today and my meds have been reduced from 150mg per day to 50mg per day.

Up until this last couple of weeks iv felt like iv been coping well with it all but my down days have started to become more frequent and im struggling to keep things in check.

My best friend thinks i should go see my go about raising my dose a little again but i really dont want to if i can help it, the thought of doing that makes me feel like a bit of a failure which i already do enough.

Everyone goes on about how amazing pregnancy is but i am really not enjoying it which again makes me feel like im letting myself down.

My work are being total arses to me whether they mean to or not, i work in retail and have basically just been shoved behind a till and forgotten about, i arent allowed to do anything, i arent involved in anything that goes on despite my best efforts and before falling pregnant i was on team leader training but iv since been taken off it 'for my own benefit' i bascally go to work, do a 4 hour shift and then go home again, iv had my hours cut down to mt contracted 12 a week so i no longer qualify for company maternity and am also losing a fair wedge of money at present since before all this i was getting a minimum 16 a week but up to 30.

Im also the last one of my family to have a baby and so basically noone really cares about it at all. I asked my sister to be my birthing partner when i first found out but she basically has no interest in my pregnancy at all and is terrible at replyig to phone calls or txts so im wonderin whether shed even answer when i do go into labour or even want to be there.

Dh has barely any interest, my friends husband gave him a pregnancy book that he found invaluable and he hasnt even bothered to open it. He barely makes any attempts to try and feel the baby move or talk to him.

I just literally feel like im on my own in every sense of the word atm and its really getting to me.

Thankyou for the rant

biscuiteer Sat 27-Aug-16 22:46:49

You are not on your own. Many people have to deal with pregnancy in very stressful circumstances or while dealing with physical or mental health conditions and there is no shame or failure in that at all.

I am 20 weeks pregnant and still on low dose antidepressants. In my first pregnancy I didn't talk about my depression as I didn't know I was in a bad way until after the baby was born. I felt very alone and looking back, didn't dare talk about it for fear of being a failure and wanting to be a perfect mum/ mum to be.,. Instead I had severe PND and had to get help at crisis point 3/4 months after I had my baby.

Please go to your doctor and be honest so that they can help you get back on an even keel. If you put your head in the sand you isolate yourself and feel worse while pretending you are ok, which doesn't work.

I had CBT ( cognitive behavioural therapy) and anti depressants to help me through and now for this pregnancy, a few years down the line, I've been looked after and have great support from my midwife, doctor and consultant.

Everyone will want the best for you and your baby, please speak to your midwife or doctor and tell them everything as soon as possible.

biscuiteer Sat 27-Aug-16 23:03:10

For some reason only half your message showed up on laptop.

Tell your husband how you feel. Mine didn't bother with books but as I got bigger, he would talk to bump, feel for kicks and does this time too.
Maybe you could join an ante natal class together and try to get him more involved that way.

Explain that you want to feel looked after and a bit more special. Will he not be your birthing partner?

I'm so angry on your behalf that work have done this to you. Ask for a meeting this week and to have your hours increased back to what they were as there is no medical reason to shorten them. You can carry out your normal work duties as long as work ensure you are safe and you can take a rest from standing up when you need to. Did they do a risk assessment with you yet? I would look into your rights and put up a fight about this. Good luck.

TinyHumanJan17 Sat 27-Aug-16 23:25:20

Hes also my birthing partner but youre allowed 2 at my local hospital and oh is not always the best when im ill or anything so i wanted someone else there too.

Theyv done a risk assessment and basically have told me that all i can do is tills and fitting room, maybe some tidying providing im not bending or stretching. Its so frustrating cos before all this i was part of the delivery team and was obv training to be a manager. Theyre saying that i would have to redo the training when i came back off maternity and that they need someone who is willing to step up and do the job over xmas but ill be on maternity then. In all honesty i feel like atm im just biding my time before going off. Im going off earlier than i would have liked really, 34 weeks but have 2 weeks hol booked so will actually be going at 32 weeks.

I had cbt a couple of years ago and i found it really helped so i have been considering going back to that.

As for dh i know i will have to talk to him eventually but i dont know if i have the courage too tbh. My friend suggested an antenatal class too but i dont think they start them while around 28 weeks where i live so thats a couple months away yet :-(

Thankyou for posting back to me

EreniTheFrog Sun 28-Aug-16 06:52:39

Hi there. I struggled with depression throughout my first two pregnancies, and am now fighting hard to keep it at bay from my third. I have found that healthy food, plenty of water, fresh air and exercise help, but that there's sadly no real magic bullet.

Your work situation sounds awful.. very unkind and probably amounting to illegal discrimination. I think it would get anyone down, so pleare don't feel guilty for getting angry with it.

You mention being the last of your family to get pregnant. I was the last of my group of friends at the time, and I recognise that nobody-making-a-fuss-any-more feeling. But you mention a best friend. Is she supportive?

Your DP sounds a bit crap, too. Can you talk to him? Does he need to bit more direction in how to help?

TinyHumanJan17 Sun 28-Aug-16 08:17:46

My best friend is very supportive shes also pregnant atm too which is really nice. Makes me feel like i arent totally alone and insane.

I honestly dont know wat dh needs, i spoke to him about antenatal classes last night and he said hell come with me and stuff. I dont know if maybe hes worried and feeling out of his depth or scared abiut becoming a dad or what but im hoping as we get further along hell be more involved.

Thankyou for replying homestly mesns so much to know im not the only one thats going/gone through this i was really starting to feel like a failure

biscuiteer Mon 29-Aug-16 19:24:51

Glad posting has made you feel better. Do still tell the doctor how you are doing as well and remember you are not a failure in any way.

Your dh will no doubt be going through a whole rollercoaster of emotions too but won't want to show it!
Keep talking and take a few steps forward together. Don't let him presume you are fine and this is all a natural process for women! We need support when we are pregnant, let him see that you are in it together and tell him he's got to prepare too, he's going to be a dad and needs to give himself a shake!
Hope it gets better for you.

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