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DH wants to travel abroad 2 weeks before my due date - do I let him?

(61 Posts)
Bubbinsmakesthree Sat 27-Aug-16 13:24:02

DH normally goes away with a group of friends 2-3 times a year linked to a sport they participate in.

Their next trip is around an event in France, and turns out to be 2 weeks before my due date. He'd be away for long weekend.

We have a 2 year old already, expecting DC2. First pregnancy ended in my waters going at 40+1 and 2 days in hospital before I was induced.

DH is asking my permission to go - WWYD?

RNBrie Sat 27-Aug-16 13:27:09

The odds are that you won't go into labour at 38 weeks... But its possible.

How would he feel about cancelling at the last minute and losing the money if you were having health problems etc? Or having to come home in a hurry?

I don't think my dh would have done this and all of my pregnancies have gone to 41+ weeks.

Haggisfish Sat 27-Aug-16 13:30:07

Do you have other support around to have dc1 if you did go into labour? I probably would let him as I'd rather he went before the baby was born than in the six months after it was born! I'd make it clear if expect him to miss the next couple after baby was born. I'm

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Aug-16 13:30:16

I think it would be quite selfish of him to do that. It's common for a second baby to come earlier than the first, but in any case you should be resting, not having sole responsibility for a little child while he's off on his holidays.

And it shouldn't be him asking you for permission - he should just bloody well think about it and decide not to go!

FuzzyOwl Sat 27-Aug-16 13:30:20

I gave birth at 38 weeks.

What would happen if you are rushed into hospital though? Do you have emergency childcare lined up and are you happy to give birth alone or with a different person (mum/friend) by your side? Can you cope ok with being heavily pregnant and having a toddler - I know people manage when they have no choice, but you do have this choice.

MummaGiles Sat 27-Aug-16 13:31:25

Depends how you feel about it. You're well within your rights to say no. Do you have anyone around to help with DC1 when you're tired from being very pregnant or potentially giving birth? And how easy will it be for him to get back? You'll be full term so does he really want to risk missing the birth?

LynseyH Sat 27-Aug-16 13:31:51

Hmmm tough one. I guess I'd see how I was in myself? Do you feel ok and is pregnancy going smoothly? Do you have support around you if needed whilst he's away?

If you think it'll be ok for just those few days, I'd tell him to go ahead. It's good he's asking you and not just going because he usually does.

MrsJayy Sat 27-Aug-16 13:32:04

Dh should not be asking for your ok to go he should think oh im not going I wouldnt be giving him a yes or no tbh Imo he should just stay home so close to your due date

PacificOcean Sat 27-Aug-16 13:41:27

How would both of you feel if he ended up missing the birth? Do you have someone else (eg your mum) to support you if necessary? Second births are often a lot quicker than first births?

Bubbinsmakesthree Sat 27-Aug-16 13:43:42

this is quite a long way ahead as I've only recently found out I'm pregnant - they'd been planning the trip before we knew, and it needs to be booked soon. I think the pregnancy still feels a bit abstract for DH.

I could probably get MIL down for weekend to help with DC1 if I'm struggling chasing after a toddler by that stage, and we've got local friends who could pitch in in an emergency. But there is no-one else I'd want with me at the birth.

Branleuse Sat 27-Aug-16 13:45:20

if he already goes 2 or 3 times a year It wont hurt him to miss one. He shouldnt be putting you in the awkward position of him asking for permission, when if he does, he could end up not being there for the birth. All my 3 were born at different weeks gestation. 2 were early, one was overdue. Its not uncommon

AbbeyRoadCrossing Sat 27-Aug-16 13:48:28

Personally I'd say no. Just because your first was born on due date doesn't mean anything. My 1st was 35 weeks due to low lying placenta and my second was near due date. So you never know.
It was also hard for my older DS having a new baby and being a sibling. I wouldn't have wanted DH to be away also for that reason.
It's up to you though. If you have other birth partners and familiar childcare for your other child and you're happy?

divadee Sat 27-Aug-16 13:56:00

I agree with others that he shouldn't be asking you he should decide himself and any nice partner would be saying no. I just asked OH what he would do and he said he would just say no without even asking me as its not fair to put a pregnant woman in that situation. It's a no win scenario. He goes you spend the weekend seething and panicking about going into labour. You say no don't go and he spends the weekend in a sulk cos he couldn't go with his mates.

livinginabox Sat 27-Aug-16 14:00:15

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and completely reliant on DH at the moment. I'm huge, exhausted (so, so exhausted). Up in the night loads to pee, my hips hurt and I can't bend down at all. There's still lots of baby prep to be done.

DS is four so much easier but still requires lots of in put and tidying up after.

There's no way DH would leave me in this state, so if he does book it he may end up cancelling.

Bubbinsmakesthree Sat 27-Aug-16 14:07:44

Ha well my immediate response to him asking me what I thought he should do was to turn the question back on him!

The chances of me actually going into labour whilst he is away are probably pretty low - less than 5% I think.

Hmm, unsure! I think there's a pretty reasonable risk that if I say yes now that I might feel differently when I'm heavily pregnant!

Branleuse Sat 27-Aug-16 14:24:49

i think the chances of you going into labour while hes away are much higher than you think Bubbins. You'll be full term and it could be any day

BrollySmolly Sat 27-Aug-16 14:28:49

I'd say no.
Dd1 was born at 38 weeks.

Normandy144 Sat 27-Aug-16 14:35:22

In all honesty I would say no. The hardest thing about my second pregnancy was the later stages and having to cope with a 2.8 yr old - they don't let up. I really appreciated having my DH about. DD1 was clingy and always seemed to want to be carried and I just physically found it hard. So DH was the one able to do a lot of the running around and carrying DD1 where needed. So for me it wouldn't be so much the worry about going into labour as there is only a slim chance, but more to do with how you will be feeling at that stage.

DollyBarton Sat 27-Aug-16 14:37:31

For a work thing I would be very torn but for a jolly, definitely not. And I'm usually the one telling people not to be too precious. Plenty of babies come at 38 weeks. Plus he should be using his free time to take over more of the workload with the toddler at this stage.

PotteringAlong Sat 27-Aug-16 14:37:53

Are you / he happy for him to miss the birth? If not, then it's a no.

Spottyladybird Sat 27-Aug-16 14:38:14

Full term is 37-42 weeks. I'd say no.

NapQueen Sat 27-Aug-16 14:39:12

Is the date set in stone? Can't they arrange it a couple of weeks or more before the planned date?

MrsCampbellBlack Sat 27-Aug-16 14:39:55

Hmm, I had dc2 at 37 weeks. So I'd have been wary at my DH being away at 2 weeks before due date.

petalsandstars Sat 27-Aug-16 14:41:05

You could end up with complications / spd/ other heavily pregnant exhaustion and want him to cancel. No way would I have coped by myself with another DC to look after at that stage due to a mixture of the above. bed rest was nice

Bubbinsmakesthree Sat 27-Aug-16 14:41:09

Branleuse - out of curiosity (and because I like stats) I looked up some numbers. Most births happen in a window of 2 weeks either side of the due date - but the chances of it happening on any given day within that window are quite small. The chance of giving birth on your due date is apparently only 4%!

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