Advanced search

Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

Antenatal depression or normal feelings? Advice please!

(25 Posts)
Icecreamandsprinkles Wed 24-Aug-16 07:33:31

Morning, have name changed for this and posted here as there is more traffic than on the ante/postnatal depression boards. I know nobody can diagnose but just looking for some views/opinions/advice. Here we go:

I live a long way from the place I was born. I only have a couple of friends here and they aren't close friends. I wouldn't, for example, just pop in on them and we don't meet or speak regularly. They are mostly ex work colleagues or wives of OH's friends. The last few weeks I've been feeling very isolated and not at all myself. I feel like all everyone wants to talk about it is my pregnancy and that I no longer matter, that I'm no longer 'me'. I've lost all motivation to do anything. And I mean anything. I'm not interested in socialising or being out in public, can't bring myself to cook or clean, not interested in my OH and haven't been to work this week as the thought of it is just too overwhelming. I'm also in a position where I've been trying to pay off old debts and haven't seemed to make a dent despite skinting myself every month with it. From March next year I will be on SMP which won't even touch the sides. My OH has offered to help me but I can't bear the thought of being reliant on someone else. I'm not excited about the pregnancy and can't feel anything other than anxiety and sadness. I cry in secret everyday at the smallest of things but I'm worried it might be indicative of something bigger.

I'm not sure I've explained myself well or whether I've just rambled so apologies if the latter.

Hopefully someone can be honest and tell me what they think-even if that's just to get on with it and stop being pathetic!

DianaMitford Wed 24-Aug-16 07:38:12

Sounds very much like depression. Get yourself to your GP and explain as you did above.

I suffered badly with antenatal depression and had no idea until years later. Stupidly I thought there couldn't be anything wrong with me because I was pregnant.

There will be help out there for you - take it.

Icecreamandsprinkles Wed 24-Aug-16 07:44:52

Thanks Diana. I just feel a bit moany and stupid. I know my OH won't understand as he doesn't believe depression is a real thing. I also don't want to let work down.

DianaMitford Wed 24-Aug-16 08:01:32

Ignore him and see your GP. Honestly - get on top of this straight away or it will get worse. You're not moany - you are genuinely struggling and there's nothing wrong with asking for help.

Icecreamandsprinkles Wed 24-Aug-16 08:46:50

I'm not very good at asking for help, never have been! I'll phone when the doctor opens. Will likely have to wait three weeks for an appointments hmm

PippaRose Wed 24-Aug-16 08:52:55

Sorry you are feeling this way, I agree about going to see your gp as the sooner you speak up the sooner you can start getting the right support.

I had a few weeks like this at the beginning of my pregnancy and looking back it was due to insecurity about where we would be living but have sorted that now.

Maybe consider letting your oh help money wise, you are a team and there's nothing wrong on him supporting you whilst you take time out to look after baby.

Hope things get better soon.

DianaMitford Wed 24-Aug-16 09:50:35

Tell them it's urgent for today and they will have to give you an appointment. If they ask why, as I'm sure they will, tell them it's mental health related and you're only comfortable disclosing to a Dr

(Ex DP is a GP so I know the ropes!)

Icecreamandsprinkles Wed 24-Aug-16 10:02:53

Phoned the GP to be told no bookable appointments until next week. Told to phone back at 9a.m tomorrow to try for one then. Snapped at the woman that that is exactly what I'd done today and needed to see someone. She said nothing she can do so am resigned to trying again tomorrow. Came upstairs for a cry and a OH followed me, think he's worried but doesn't know what to say/do and will probably keep his distance now. Don't even know what to say to him without sounding ridiculous.

Can the midwife help or would doctor be a better option? I'm going to have to go back to work tomorrow or Friday as can't self-cert for too much longer and don't want people to think I'm on the skive.

DianaMitford Wed 24-Aug-16 12:19:52

Phone back and tell them it's urgent and you need to see someone today. Insist. They WILL have appointments

Jodie1982 Wed 24-Aug-16 19:43:04

MW can help you. Call her and explain how your feeling and that gp isn't available. I have been refered to the Perinatal Mental health team for depression and ptsd. 1st appt tomorrow. Don't ignore it. Good luck.

Icecreamandsprinkles Wed 24-Aug-16 19:47:25

Thanks everyone. I didn't phone back but will be more forceful when I phone in the morning. If I can't get the GP I'll speak to my midwife and hopefully she can help. Had a horrible afternoon, lots of tears. Went to bed and slept for a few hours and still exhausted sad

Jodie good luck with your appointment tomorrow. Do you mind me asking what the process was after you spoke to your mw?

Jodie1982 Wed 24-Aug-16 19:53:36

I think as I have a history of depression and anxiety she just felt it was best to get referred. It took a little wait for my appt, not too long at all. I'm grateful as I'm really down in the dumps and struggling, I have a spinal disorder which is tipping me over the edge right now. I usually just plod along and do my best to just cope. But ignoring it is the wrong thing to do as later on we just explode. Good luck. Let us know if you get some help tomorrow.

Icecreamandsprinkles Thu 25-Aug-16 08:44:31

I hope you get the help you need/want today Jodie. I'm ready with the GP on speed dial. They open at 9...wish me luck.

I actually don't feel quite as bad today but know I can't just ignore it as it will come back.

MotherOfGlob Thu 25-Aug-16 09:03:50

Hope you have some luck with the GP today, if not be sure to phone your MW, mine always checked on my state of mind, they genuinely want to help.

Icecreamandsprinkles Thu 25-Aug-16 09:14:22

Thanks Mother. Managed to book an appointment for this afternoon. I'm planning on writing everything down as I'm just rubbish at remembering what I want to say. Doesn't help that I feel like a bit of a fraud as I feel a bit better today. I always end up rambling on at the doctors and so rarely get the help I need blush

MotherOfGlob Thu 25-Aug-16 09:52:12

Yes, writing it down is a good idea, if you get really stuck, just pass the list to the GP.

I was exactly the same when I was expecting DS1 but never did anything about it. In hindsight I think I did have depression and would have benefitted from speaking to someone.

Just remember, GPs and MWs are completely used to seeing this and really want to help. Having one day when you feel slightly better doesn't mean you don't still need the support flowers

Best of luck today, I'm sure you'll feel more positive once you have a plan of action in place.

Icecreamandsprinkles Thu 25-Aug-16 10:42:26

Thanks again for your words of support Mother. I'm glad I'm going on a day I feel a little better as I would have been a blubbering mess yesterday and would have had no chance at getting my points across! I'm hoping I get a different doctor to the last time I went worrying about my state of mind; they totally dismissed me with "well it sounds like you need to get a new job and then you'll feel better." Right, helpful, thanks angry

MotherOfGlob Thu 25-Aug-16 14:17:21

If the GP is dismissive, do contact your midwife. Hope the doctor is helpful though.

Jodie1982 Thu 25-Aug-16 14:55:14

Hope your appt went well and your receiving support?
Mine went okay. It was the 1st meeting where MW took all my depression history, and what is going on in my life right now (lots of worrying stuff happening) and I cried, I tried so hard not too. But everything is over flowing now, so am just waiting for my nxt appt now.

Icecreamandsprinkles Thu 25-Aug-16 15:18:32

Jodie, I hope your MW was supportive and listened and gave you some helpful advice. Do you have someone at home you can be with if you're feeling upset?

I'm just back from my appointment. I saw a lovely doctor who is also pregnant so was very understanding. She let me ramble on and listened, properly listened, to everything I said. I wasn't quite as eloquent as I was hoping for and I don't know that I got my points across fully but I got the main ones there. She gave me a depression questionnaire to fill in which I came out moderate on. She explained that part of what I'm feeling is down to normal pregnancy hormones but that I seemed overwhelmed by everything and needed to take some time to process my emotions. She has given me a sick note for 2 weeks but said I don't have to use it if I feel up to work (I asked, reluctant to be off for 2 more weeks) so now I have to deliver that good news to work. I doubt it will go down well at all. I've to go back in two weeks and see her again.

Thanks again for the support. Jodie please keep posting so I know how you are doing.

MotherOfGlob Thu 25-Aug-16 18:22:22

Glad you have both got the ball rolling. Also, from what I remember, pregnancy related absence cannot be taken into account on your sickness/attendance record?

flowers for you both.

Icecreamandsprinkles Thu 25-Aug-16 18:31:29

That's right, it's not counted in with regular sickness absences. I'm on a temporary contract due to end in March but going on maternity at Xmas so doubt they'd bother chasing up absences anyway. I feel so much better for having spoken to someone.

MotherOfGlob Thu 25-Aug-16 21:51:48


Jodie1982 Thu 25-Aug-16 22:37:09

Thank you. The MH MW I saw was absolutely lovely and sympathetic. I also have a lovely DP looking after me and children. I'm lucky. 😊
Some days I feel so guilty feeling so down. But I can't help it. I saw my sister get killed in a hit n run bk in 1997, and haven't gotten over it, had 2 sessions of cbt that didn't help at all.
So glad you started the ball rolling icecreamandsprinkles

Dustpan Thu 25-Aug-16 22:58:15

Well done ice cream for seeing GP. Thank goodness she was a proper listener. Do take the fortnight off, and definitely keep the follow up appoint to see her in 2 weeks.

If you hadn't mentioned the money issues I would have suggested calling a few counsellors in your area & getting s feel for whether you click with one of them. I had an amazing counsellor who I saw when I was pregnant with DC1 and it was a vital safety valve in my week. I also latterly had a good MW who knew what the score was. Just sharing the load with them was a huge help. Can GP refer you for counselling without cost?

And ....... Accept the £ sharing from your DP!!!! You're carrying & will be looking after a human being who is 50% his genes and 50% yours - let the finances be as equally shared!

Best wishes

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now