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One of my babies died

(37 Posts)
MrsChrisPratt Sun 21-Aug-16 14:33:12

We found out on Thursday, had some spotting and am extremely anxious so was sent to EPU for a scan. I was supposed to be 9 weeks with twins, having had 2 scan already each showing two heartbeats, but only one was still alive. The other stopped growing at 8 weeks and had no heartbeat. I've been signed off for two weeks and been told to wait to miscarry and hope it doesn't take the other one with it.

I feel like I'm drowning, it's so hard to breathe. This is our first pregnancy after 4 highly eventful rounds of IVF, including 2 hospital stays,an incident where I nearly lost an ovary and a few months worth of drug induced depression sad

WindInThePussyWillows Sun 21-Aug-16 14:35:26

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope and pray for you that you will be able to celebrate a new life at the end of all of this, a life that you will have worked so hard for and cherish so dearly.

I hope you have a great support system around you.

Try and rest.


Hopelass Sun 21-Aug-16 14:35:29

Oh OP I'm so sorry for your loss flowers be kind to yourself and fingers and toes crossed the surviving twin hangs on in there for the duration.

BrioLover Sun 21-Aug-16 14:37:13

So so sorry for this flowers

This happened to a wonderful friend of mine. She had her son early this year after a similar journey - his twin also died at around the same time in pregnancy. Sending strength and an un-mumsnetty hug

Frecklesfrecklesfreckles4 Sun 21-Aug-16 14:44:41

So sorry to hear of your loss OP, I've gone through multiple miscarriages so know how heartbreaking it is.
I just wanted to say though, my SIL went through exactly the same scenario with IVF twins(4th attempt too) but never miscarried the one that died at 8 weeks gestation, the pregnancy progressed normally without complications and her DD is now a healthy toddler.
I hope the situation will be the same for you, though I know you'll never forget the little one you lost xxx

LillianFullStop Sun 21-Aug-16 14:44:41

So sorry to hear OP flowers - hope you have lots of support IRL. Try to keep up your strength and heart for your other little one still with you. Hope all goes well for your other baby.

MrsChrisPratt Sun 21-Aug-16 14:59:05

Thankyou. Its so hard to stay positive and think we will have a good outcome when everything that could possibly go wrong has done, over the past few years. To be honest, I want to throttle people in real life who keep googling and trying to tell me statistics about our chances, amd how I must stay positive and spinning me old wives tales about how to increase our chances. I know they mean well but it's not happening to them and they have no idea what we have really been through, what we've tried and statistics mean nothing when you're constantly on the wrong side of them.

Thankfully DH is being brilliant as usual. I dont know what I'd do without him.

SweepTheHalls Sun 21-Aug-16 15:11:29

I am so sorry for your loss. flowers

twinmamma2b Sun 21-Aug-16 15:27:39

So so sorry OP flowers.

We had the same thing happen - 2 strong heartbeats at 7 weeks and then just the 1 at 9 weeks (3rd round of IUI).

Have your clinic said that you will definitely miscarry? With me, the twin was 'absorbed' in, which I don't quite understand but just had to accept. I know it is so hard to stay positive when you have that fear hanging over you but you can do it. star We're here for you anytime.

TheEagle Sun 21-Aug-16 15:29:40

So sorry for your loss OP flowers

Wishing you every strength for the days and weeks ahead and that your second baby continues to grow and develop.

You are strong, you can do this star

Catinthecorner Sun 21-Aug-16 15:41:38

I am so sorry for your loss. Would it help you to do something to say goodbye? Perhaps plant a rose or something that symbolises your feelings for that child?

EreniTheFrog Sun 21-Aug-16 16:06:31

I am so sorry, OP flowers

KayTee87 Sun 21-Aug-16 16:24:23

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers it must be one of the worst things that could happen xx

DirtyDancing Sun 21-Aug-16 16:51:10

MrsChris sorry to hear what you are going through. I've just joined thus thread is supporting me at the moment and may help you during this difficult time


Whatsername17 Sun 21-Aug-16 17:11:17

I'm so sorry. There are no words. I lost my baby at 13 weeks after discovering at 11 weeks that I'd had a mmc. He died at 8 weeks. I was forced to have a natural miscarriage because it was Christmas abd they didn't have enough staff to give me medical management or a d&c. I dont know what you have been told to expect and I'm certainly not going to push my experience on you but if you want to ask any questions please do. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that your other baby stays safe x

MrsChrisPratt Sun 21-Aug-16 17:24:00

Thanks for the good wishes for the second baby. I have no idea what to expect really-anything from no bleeding and the baby will be absorbed through to a full miscarriage with cramps and heavy bleeding, taking the second one with it. Nothing that can be done other than wait and see...It's awful waiting, I am on edge all the time waiting for the worst to happen, I just don't know what I will when it does, I feel like I can't take anymore after everything that's happened in the last few years, it's like a nightmare I'm never waking up from.

KittyandTeal Sun 21-Aug-16 17:29:23

I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your baby and that you are facing a terrible wait.

It might be worth contacting sands or the miscarriage association. They both will have accurate information or just someone to talk to who won't read you stats, tell you to think positively and a whole bunch or other well meaning but unhelpful advice.

Take each day at a time, be kind to yourself and do whatever you need to to get through.

Have the hospital given you a time frame of when you might be 'safe' from miscarrying your other baby?

MrsChrisPratt Sun 21-Aug-16 17:32:43

No, I've not been given a time frame as to when I might be safe, but they've made an appointment for a further scan on the 1st September to see what has happened at that stage. I wasn't really given any info, just told I may absorb or I may miscarry, and if I miscarry there is a chance the other one will go too sad

Hooleywhipper Sun 21-Aug-16 17:36:54

So sorry for your loss OP. Be kind to yourself flowers

HughLauriesStubble Sun 21-Aug-16 18:09:15

Oh OP you poor thing I'm so sorry. Sending positive wishes for your other baby. Take care of yourself flowers

KittyandTeal Sun 21-Aug-16 18:25:18

It sounds like you've not been told much at all.

I'm not sure what you're like but for me I definitely feel better the more information I have.

I'd definitely try the miscarriage association or arc may be able to help (they usually deal with antenatal diagnoses but they may have some experience of the impact of loosing a twin in pregnancy)

Otherwise your hospitals screening midwife might be able to help. They may also have a bereavement midwife who you could speak to, I know some people don't feel they want or need to or that an 'early' loss means they feel they cannot access that service but I'm sure you could. Sometimes a person who understands but is removed from the situation is a great person to talk to.

It's such a shit situation to be in. I'm so sorry.

Sweetheartyparty76 Mon 22-Aug-16 06:43:51

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby.
I'm currently 30 weeks with a little girl and we lost her twin at about 7 weeks. We had undergone ivf too and we were so anxious when we found out that we would likely miscarry one of the twins. I had bright red bleeding on occasions but it wasn't caused by the miscarriage but by a bleed site. In the end, my body absorbed the twin.
I was told by my ivf consultant that the loss of one twin shouldn't impact the other even if I were to miscarry. Thankfully in my case it didn't but it was such a stressful time.
Take care of yourself and try to rest as much as you can x

aimees75 Mon 22-Aug-16 22:05:12

MrsChrisPratt am so sorry to hear this. I had the same thing happen to me, after IVF. I was expecting triplets and two stopped growing at 10.5 weeks. There was no bleeding, they were just reabsorbed and the third one stayed put is now a 3 year old! Hang in there, twins from separate embryos can do this, I.e. has anomalies and one doesn't.
Best of luck over the coming weeks flowers

MrsChrisPratt Mon 22-Aug-16 22:38:32

Thank you so much to those who are still posting, it is so comforting to hear that this can still end in a healthy baby. That is what I am holding onto for now.

CalmYaTits Mon 22-Aug-16 22:50:31

I'm so sorry OPflowers

My mum lost my twin at 13 weeks, unfortunately with un-identical twins it's quite common to miscarry the physically weaker baby. Such a devastating situation. Please look after yourself and baby flowers

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