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How honest are you about pregnancy?

(36 Posts)
BabooshkaKate Wed 17-Aug-16 21:28:54

A friend has had a baby girl recently - throughout her pregnancy she insisted that her and DP didn't know the sex of the baby but she now says they knew all along, just didn't want to be harassed by people trying to get it out of them, which is fair enough.

I think if I was carrying twins (or more shock) I wouldn't mention it and then be like "surprise! We got two for one!"

Or deny being pregnant at all even whilst waddling about round as a house at 37 weeks I am immature and have too much time on my hands

I had another friend who whilst being teased by an older relative about her pregnancy ("haven't you heard of TV/a hobby for entertainment" etc etc) snapped "actually this baby was conceived through IVF"

Just wondered how open/honest/etc you were or plan to be with your pregnancy?

drinkyourmilk Wed 17-Aug-16 21:30:42

Can't keep anything to myself. If someone asks they'll be told the whole gory truth!

foxessocks Wed 17-Aug-16 21:33:45

I wanted to keep the sex of the baby to ourselves last time but didn't manage to get out of the hospital carpark without telling people blush

I keep potential names secret though! My friends keep asking for my short list of names this time round and I just say we have no idea yet when in reality we do have a couple of names ready.

loveulotslikejellytots Wed 17-Aug-16 21:44:54

We were purposefully vague about our name choices, we have some very opinionated family members grin. Presented our beautiful dd named xyz, they could hardly tell us that they didn't like it then! We didn't even include our serious ones in discussion with them.

Surf25 Wed 17-Aug-16 22:15:03

We have always kept our chosen name and sex if we knew if (first two babies) to ourselves however hard people tried to nosy the answers out of us!! Planning the same again this time. As pp said, names were well received when they were associated with a cute wee bundle of new baby rather than hearing all sorts of unwanted opinions before they had made their entry! This time have had a lot of you need to get a TV comments hmm

Mummyme87 Wed 17-Aug-16 22:18:08

We only discussed names with immediate family. Didn't know sex.

Was truthful about everything else.

I looked after a couple not so long ago that didn't tell anyone except close family that it was twins

UnicornPee Wed 17-Aug-16 22:21:22

I kept names secret both pregnancies but that's it.

This pregnant I am considering finding out sex but not telling anyone at all

Notso Wed 17-Aug-16 22:42:57

I lied and said DC4 planned. I couldn't bring myself to announce another unplanned child to my parents. Other than that was happy to discuss anything.
We didn't pick names until after the births but discussed all our choices. I'd rather know what people really think than have them all bitching behind our backs. I'd never change my mind because someone said they didn't like a name, it seems to be a big fear on MN. Nobody liked DC4's name, but they love him.
It's a bit wanky people make a big deal of knowing but not telling about sex/names. I think parents can easily overestimate how interested other people are in their offspring tbh.

Bellabelloo Wed 17-Aug-16 23:49:20

I am almost 17 weeks and haven't even told anyone I am pregnant. Getting large now though, so guess I'll have to soon. X

EreniTheFrog Thu 18-Aug-16 06:31:59

Mine is an extremely high-risk pregnancy, and I don't tell people that - I don't want to discuss the ethics or prudence of my choice in getting pregnant.

DollyBarton Thu 18-Aug-16 06:42:01

Totally open. I don't get people keeping the sex a surprise if they know, fine if they don't. With all the love I have for my friends and family I couldn't care a jot whether they are having a boy or girl so all this 'we're keeping it a surprise' makes me silently snort. Of course I'm massively excited for them but the sex of the baby is really only an exciting surprise for them. So keeping it a secret seems so silly and unnecessary.

To be honest though I answer any question I get openly and honestly, even to strangers and without any hesitation or anger at them for their question. I'm pretty straight up.

jimijack Thu 18-Aug-16 07:09:35

I kept it to myself for a long time because I was quite embarrassed and to be honest, tired of everything.
I knew it would all go wrong and just wanted it to do so in private, just me & dh.
I had suffered 7 miscarriages, the 7th had been weeks before, so after feeling very unwell I assumed that I had retained some of the previous pregnancy so went for a scan to look for the "retained products" as they call it.

Anyway, turns out I was sick & I'll because I was 7 weeks pregnant.

"Here we go again" I thought, naturally knew I would miscarry this one too.

So didn't tell anyone.
However, it kept going this pregnancy. Just kept going, 8 weeks,10 week's, 12 weeks, 16 weeks, 20 weeks, so then really, it was going to be ok.

So I told people.
We didn't know the sex, this was going to be a surprise to the end.

EreniTheFrog Thu 18-Aug-16 08:51:25

jim flowers cake

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble Thu 18-Aug-16 09:02:05

I think we have been too open with previous pregnancies , if we were to have another we would keep it to ourselves , ds1 has disabilities and lots of our friends and family avoid us so why should they get to come around cooing over a newborn when they dont bother with our wonderful ds

notinagreatplace Thu 18-Aug-16 09:12:14

Depends on the thing - happy to share that we know that it's a boy. Not planning to share potential baby names - just think that's inviting trouble.

And the biggie... haven't told anyone other than my PIL that the baby has a cleft lip/palate - basically because I think it's going to get tedious enough talking about it as it is without having to spend most of my pregnancy taking questions about it. My mother will assume it is my fault for not eating whatever weird thing she read about recently in a magazine or not praying enough or something and I just can't be bothered with it. We'll tell my parents at about 35 weeks, I think.

nervoussam Thu 18-Aug-16 09:25:34

Saying to keep the sex a secret is silly is a bit judgy IMO. Each couple should feel that they can share or not share as much as they want. They made the baby after all. And in a lot of examples, mine included, it's such a long hard struggle to even get pregnant that you feel very precious about the whole thing and want to keep a lot of that specialness to yourselves. I don't think that's selfish, each to their own!

Only a few close people know the struggle we had to get pregnant and I've not been one to go on about the sickness/tiredness etc. It's our 20 scan next week and we will be finding out the sex but not telling people (people think we're just not finding out). We were undecided and this was the compromise as DH wants that moment of telling people the sex after the birth. Also not discussing names, people offer their opinion to freely, again on something very personal and up to the mum and dad. Plus my mum is a headteacher so has a horror story for most names going which I don't want to hear! PIL also have awful taste!!

sentia Thu 18-Aug-16 09:53:10

It doesn't matter what you share or don't share, you still have to have the same tedious conversation about 500 times a day:

"when are you due?"

"oh you look bigger/smaller than that" / "wow you're big, are you sure it's not twins" (fuck off why do people insist on commenting on pregnant women's size all the time, it's just rude)

"not long to go now then" (I disagree, 15 weeks when pregnant is a lifetime, I can't ever get comfortable and nothing fits me)

"do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"<insert some kind of outdated sexist nonsense about whether boys or girls are easier to raise>"

"have you chosen a name"

Over and over and over again. It's very boring. I know people are trying to make polite small talk and for them it's probably the only conversation like this they will have in months but honestly I really am more than just "pregnant", can we just talk about the weather please???

LondonGirl83 Thu 18-Aug-16 10:23:38

Besides close friends and family I'm not even telling people I'm pregnant. I kind of only want to share the news with people who I know will be genuinely happy for me. I'm married and 33 so there isn't anything controversial about this pregnancy (its our first). Everyone else will find out when its become blatantly obvious because I'm so big!

Notso Thu 18-Aug-16 10:32:13

It's not the keeping it to yourselves part that I find silly nervoussam it's when it is "we no but we're not telling anyone" said as if the world is holding its breath waiting for the grand announcement.
I have a good friend who found out but didn't say a word about it, fine.
SIL used to beg people to guess then say "ha it's a secwet you'll have to wait", annoying and silly. Yes she really did say secwet.

moggle Thu 18-Aug-16 10:32:42

This reminds me of that show that Tamsin grieg, stephen mangan and Matt leblanc were in on the BBC... what was it called? Anyway in the US TV network's office there's this woman who is obviously massively pregnant but she hasn't officially told anyone at work, and they are all scared to mention it in case she accuses them of harrassment or something, or in case somehow she actually isn't pregnant despite having this huge belly... and then I think she's off for a couple of weeks and comes back all slim and still no-one says anything...

nervoussam Thu 18-Aug-16 10:35:18

Ha ha notso "secwet" seriously?! Yeah, that's silly!

LBNM19 Thu 18-Aug-16 11:13:01

I'm very open and if someone asks I don't mind telling them. We had genetic testing as my oldest son is severely disabled and we tested this baby he is free from the condtion but is a carrier. I haven't made it public knowledge he carries the same mutation as he's dad but I will be open it someone asks. It won't affect him in anyway apart from when he's having children he will need to be referred to a genetic counselling.

I don't mind telling people potential names and that it's a boy. It's my 3rd boy which a few people have been negative about.

Northernlight22 Thu 18-Aug-16 11:17:49

I've shared the sex and that's about it. I didn't really tell too many people I was pregnant, just let them find out from others once we told the people we wanted to if that makes sense?! Haven't shared names, kept due date vague except for friends / family.

MilkyMamma Thu 18-Aug-16 11:56:12

We are planning on finding out the sex at 20 week scan (I'm 17 weeks) and we aren't going to tell anyone.

My reasons? I'm already sick of people asking me if we'll try for a 3rd/be disappointed if this one isn't a girl (already have a boy and I probably will be disappointed for a little while ) and hope figure people maybe won't be so rude once baby is here.

I'm pretty open and honest about most things though, although I'm yet to do a Facebook announcement this time round. I've told everyone I wanted to tell in person, everyone else will know in time.

thecatsarecrazy Thu 18-Aug-16 12:06:51

my manager knows im pregnant but everyone else thinks i have a bad back. thats my excuse for getting out of lifting

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