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I hate my partner.

(17 Posts)
JillyCooper2015 Wed 17-Aug-16 12:52:58

Am I the only one?

Am 23 weeks pregnant and I hate him.

I don't love him, I don't like him, I can't touch him or look at him and frankly put he's only here because I'm not sure I can manage the latter stages of pregnancy / the baby on my own - I have no family in London, there is really only my Dad and he's flaky as hell and my close friends live on the other side of London and have their own lives.

I'm in this completely on my own. I've found pregnancy incredibly isolating and am not particularly enjoying the experience. I am looking forward (I think) to being a mother and raising a child, I don't know at this point.

I reached a point where I had had enough and felt ready to end the relationship, I cancelled our wedding and a day later found out I was pregnant - he promised to make a load of changes to our lives and has made none of them and it's now all too late and I absolutely hate him for the situation I now find myself in.

PotteringAlong Wed 17-Aug-16 12:54:42

If you wanted to end it then you need to end it. You're going to split up one way or another if you feel like that about him. It's not going to improve with a baby to look after.

AnotherEmma Wed 17-Aug-16 12:56:30

Love, if you don't even like him, let alone love him, you should end the relationship now. Baby or not, you will clearly be happier without him.

Can I also suggest that you get this thread moved to relationships? I'll think you'll get good advice there.

Whatsername17 Wed 17-Aug-16 14:21:32

I'd agree with pp. A baby can challenge even the strongest relationships. You have time to split, get yourselves sorted and learn how to co parent. Good luck to you.

Mummytobe83 Wed 17-Aug-16 15:47:14

What a difficult situation to be in. Think about everyone's happiness and wellbeing you will be find with your baby and he can support you while you live your separate life's. Loads of hugs x

LottieL Wed 17-Aug-16 19:11:15

It's not fair on him only to stay with him because you can't handle a baby on your own. Presumably you liked him enough at some point to get pregnant in the first place and you haven't said he's mean or abusive so I have to admit I feel a bit sorry for him.

AnotherEmma Wed 17-Aug-16 19:18:48

"you haven't said he's mean or abusive so I have to admit I feel a bit sorry for him." hmm

Oh FFS. Just because the OP hasn't gone into the reasons, doesn't mean there are none. I would say there are probably very good reasons for a woman to call off a wedding and say that she "hates" the father of her child.

In any case, the reasons are not essential, the fact is that she doesn't love him and should therefore leave.

Spare your judgement and criticism.

(OP this is why you need to get the thread moved to relationships!)

VoldysGoneMouldy Wed 17-Aug-16 19:26:38

"you haven't said he's mean or abusive so I have to admit I feel a bit sorry for him."

Biggest eye roll ever here. Just because someone isn't abusive doesn't mean they're a great person. What kind of standard are we setting if we say someone is either abusive or you have to stay?

OP - if you felt this way before pregnancy as well, this obviously isn't a new thing. You called off your wedding, you don't even like him. Don't stay with someone you don't like or love just because you're having their child, that's no foundation for happiness, and you deserve to be happy.

LottieL Wed 17-Aug-16 19:42:15

I'm not saying she has to stay, far from it! I'm saying she should leave but proclaiming to hate someone you have shared a life and now share a pregnancy with, and not telling them and not leaving out of convenience is extremely mean, if he has truly no idea that's the only reason she hangs around. That's what I was trying to say.

JillyCooper2015 Wed 17-Aug-16 21:03:34

Thanks.

I've stayed with him since finding out I was pregnant because I hoped he would come good / I would get past the issues that meant I fell out of love with him in the first place.

The hate and resentment I feel towards him have only grown and eclipsed any good feeling I've had, I've kept trying to make it work for the sake of the baby and it's making me a hateful and bitter and angry person and that's no good for baby or me.

He's left our home and will be moving out permanently. I don't want to see him again. Any access will be discussed at a later date but limited.

I need to figure out now where I live and what I do and try and get the anger out and look after myself and baby.

It's going to be a long road.

AnotherEmma Wed 17-Aug-16 21:05:33

I'm glad he's moved out, sounds like it's definitely for the best.

Do you have anyone to talk to in real life? It sounds like you could do with it. You might even benefit from some counselling?

JillyCooper2015 Wed 17-Aug-16 21:41:47

I've spoken to my dad and a close friend.

I'm not comfortable with engaging any more widely about it because it's not the easiest of topics I guess and until the dust has settled and I've made some concrete decisions I don't want to involve anyone - I'm not as close with my friends as I was as we moved about a year ago so very isolated where we live now.

I should have ended the relationship a long time ago, but I loved him and I wanted to believe in him - who doesn't want their partner to be a good man and show them that they are true to their word.

I didn't anticipate that we would quite end up here, but I could feel myself becoming nastier and nastier by the day and more than I hate him, I hate me for being like this - I feel like I don't know myself anymore and I need to have my mind straight to be a good mother.

AnotherEmma Wed 17-Aug-16 21:46:06

Do you want to tell us about why you feel the way you do? Do you want to talk about what he did (or didn't do) to make you feel this way about him?

No worries if you don't want to go into it, just wanted to let you know we're here if you do.

Smile150 Wed 17-Aug-16 22:20:09

I feel exactly the same as you about my partner. I'm with him because we have a daughter and expecting another child and because he said what happened in the past between us has changed him and he would be better all the usual lies and I wanted to believe him but it was just lies but because Im stupid I guess I stayEd and I'm the same as you I hate him and feel hate when I look at him and just think why do I bother. He treats me like rubbish and prefers come home have a drink and sleep rather than spend time with me or purchase daughter. He tells me all the time I'm not right and I'm moody and I have issues he doesn't understand that I'm finding this pregnancy hard and more so because I'm with a extremely energetic two year old all day and tired and he won't even watch her so I can have some peace when he gets in. I'm not aloud to be moody or say anything I'm just here to clean up after him cook his tea and wash his clothes and then be someone for him to sleep with. I feel rubbish and really unappreciated and his words make me feel so small like I'm an awful mother. Yet I stay with him because I'm scared and last time we split up he turned everyone against me so he would be all i have..

JillyCooper2015 Wed 17-Aug-16 22:27:12

It would be pages and pages of rambling !

The long and the short: there was something he knew that made me desperately unhappy that he did that he could change, he promised to change it - so I agreed to marry him, I waited a year to book the wedding because he wasn't sorting it, he said he would so we booked it, it became clear he wouldn't, I cancelled, next day - pregnant (we'd just Started trying) he moved out, made promises to get the issue sorted, moved back in, by 18 weeks became clear had no intention of sorting it, hate and resentment kick in from me and now by 23 weeks I mostly (and yes, am aware am furious and letting out years of rage and resentment) want him to die a slow and painful death at my hands.

JillyCooper2015 Wed 17-Aug-16 22:30:46

I hear you smile.

My partner isn't a terrible man, in some respects he's a very good man, but the areas of weakness are too fundamental to me and the rot has really set in.

I feel so foolish for letting it all get out of hand and not trusting my very sage instincts and following through with ending it previously.

Smile150 Thu 18-Aug-16 03:05:08

I just feel stupid full stop and he brings out the worst in me that I find myself acting crazy and saying stupid things and then start to think maybe it is all my fault. He treats me like he does not wrong and it's all my head.

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