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I'm gonna be a mum, but how do I please mine?

(10 Posts)
Farfromhome28 Mon 15-Aug-16 11:25:27

I don't live local... I know that's always been a bit of a problem. But now I'm expecting my first, everything's getting harder. The in laws are great and want to do as much as possible, I would never dream of turning down their support and traditions. But how do I stop my mum being jealous? How do I get her to understand that it is hard to please everyone and offend no one. Please help!

JeanGenie23 Mon 15-Aug-16 11:32:04

You can't please everyone, so I would start by doing what's best for you and your baby.

I don't live by my mom or in laws but we see them a couple of times a month. My partner and I have found our own traditions over the years and we do things our way. It can be hard, especially in the first few months but you have to say no and just do what's right for you.

Not much use I am sorry, parenting takes a lot of learning, there isn't just one answer

Heirhelp Mon 15-Aug-16 11:32:53

You don't. Jealously is your Mum's emotional response that you have no control over. You can help her feel more involved by asking for advice, even if you don't need it or follow it.

SpeakNoWords Mon 15-Aug-16 11:32:56

I don't think you can be responsible for whether your mum gets jealous or not, as you're not responsible for her emotions. You live further away, which can't be helped, so seeing your in-laws more frequently can't really be avoided. Are you concerned about how she might behave towards you if she does get jealous?

divadee Mon 15-Aug-16 12:25:24

I have this issue with my mother in law. She lives 4 hours away my mum lives 15 mins away. The problem I have is mil doesn't like to travel much (she can travel just chooses and prefers everyone to go to her house) so we are always expected to go to hers. When her first grandchild arrives I am waiting for the comments etc.... I'm also expecting something about this Xmas as I have said I probably won't travel 4+ hours with only a few weeks to go.

There is no easy way. All you can do is what's best for you and baby.

Whatsername17 Mon 15-Aug-16 13:36:54

Don't even try to please everyone. Do what is right for you. That includes your inlaws- you are allowed to say no if it all gets too much.

cheekstime Wed 17-Aug-16 18:46:09

I think this is a tough one because albeit wonderful its a sensitive time and you could do without the stress of this. I am trying it out myself putting whats right for my new family by forming my own values adn traditions, everyone else will just have to get used it, if I won't to do whats best for my my family, goodluck x

raviolidreaming Thu 18-Aug-16 19:42:05

I'm a 9 hour drive from my mum. I've told her that she'll be 'Holiday Granny' and memories with her will always be happy ones... it's placating her so far!

DoubleCarrick Thu 18-Aug-16 19:44:49

I keep quiet to my mum how much I see the in laws. I'm becoming closer to mil than I am to dm but it's less hassle if dm doesn't realise

Kmoggy Sun 21-Aug-16 18:22:50

My mum is terribly jealous f my mil and family/friends. She lives 3 hrs away and can be a nightmare when she is here or we are there! Like doesn't want anyone else around or to spend time with my twins.. It drives me nuts and I constantly remind her that they have lots of other people who love them and want to see them too!

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