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Don't want to breastfeed

(239 Posts)
WelshManx Mon 08-Aug-16 10:41:45

My baby's due at the end of the year and I really don't want to breastfeed. My Mum struggled with me and tried for a couple of days before giving up and DH doesn't particularly want me to as he will be very hands on and wants to share the feeds and getting up during the night. I'm also going on holiday for a few days when the baby will be 3 months old (without the baby) so it would be unfair on her if I try to breastfeed only to change at 3 months. Apart from that, I just don't want to do it! I'm a bit of a wimp and not very good at standing my ground in certain situations and my midwife and hospital and GP are all ridiculously pro breastfeeding. I feel that they are going to 'bully' me into it and I don't know what to say to them?

SwearyGodmother Mon 08-Aug-16 10:43:51

Tell them to fuck off and that you'll do what's best for all of you. Or nod and smile and do it your way anyway. I tend to go for the first option in life, my sister goes for the second. She's a lot calmer as a result.

wobblywonderwoman Mon 08-Aug-16 10:44:06

They won't bully you into it. I would just say though - you could try and give the first few days colostrum (but if you don't want to then don't - a lot of women don't abd firmly ask for formula )

HooseRice Mon 08-Aug-16 10:44:37

Do what makes you happy.

SleepFreeZone Mon 08-Aug-16 10:45:01

Would you consider just feeding the Colustrum and then wrapping to formula? They might get them off your back.

SleepFreeZone Mon 08-Aug-16 10:45:38

Btw I am very pro breast feeding but it is your right to do as you wish.

WellErrr Mon 08-Aug-16 10:45:46

They won't 'bully' you but they will suggest that you breastfeed purely because it is the best thing.
No ones going to spend hours arguing you into it though as they just don't have the time.

The best compromise you can make is to do 2 days so your baby gets the colostrum (the first milk which is full of your antibodies and cannot be replicated), which really really IS important for future health, then change if that's what you've decided. 2 days wont change your life but it'll make a massive difference to your baby to have the colostrum.

No one will go on at you about it, there's barely time to help the women who want to breastfeed, never mind cajoling the ones who don't.

Leirope Mon 08-Aug-16 10:48:48

No one can make you do anything you don't want to do! I'm currently bf'ing but I find do find it uncomfortable the zealotry towards breastfeeding that many in the NHS seem to have. Ultimately, your baby will get all the nutrients it needs from the formula and will benefit much more from having a mum (and dad) who aren't stressed about feeding. And congratulations btw!

LuckySantangelo1 Mon 08-Aug-16 10:52:16

Do what ever you feel it best. But one thing I will say is maybe just try it to begin with because you never know unless you do. I really was dreading breastfeeding but it came quite naturally to me & I'm still doing it for my 14 month old.

GwendolynMoon Mon 08-Aug-16 10:53:38

Do whatever works best for you and maybe keep an open mind as you don't know how you will feel once your baby arrives.

'DH doesn't particularly want me to' - it always makes me cringe a bit whenever someone says what their DH wants with regards to feeding tbh. Hopefully your DH will support you in whatever decision you make.

Don't let anyone else influence you either way.

SpeakNoWords Mon 08-Aug-16 10:54:53

The midwives etc will have to do their jobs and pass on the information that (all other things being equal) breastfeeding is better for the baby and you. But once you've told them that you'd rather formula feed then they should back off and leave you to it.

nearlyreadytopop Mon 08-Aug-16 10:55:50

Having come through the baby feeding thing myself and currently supporting my sister through it I think it's quite simple.
You don't want to breastfeed = you don't breastfeed.
IMO the NHS pays lip service to it and support will be minimal. Most likely the first night while your newborn is (very naturally) feeding every 15 mins you will be offered formula.
Unless you are extremely determined to bf you would be lucky to succeed.
There is nothing to stop you giving the baby colostrum for the first few hours and switching to bottles after that.
But one thing I will point out - the notion that bf babies fathers aren't fully involved. That is nonsense, yes they can't physically feed the baby but they should be looking after the mother so she can look after the baby. Nappies, winding, bathing, cuddles, skin to skin etc are all ways to be involved.

purplevase4 Mon 08-Aug-16 10:55:59

Do what you want to do.

Not what your DH, or anyone else, wants you to do.

I agree with the people who say give it a go.

But otherwise, it's your decision and nobody can tell the kids in a playground who've been BF or FF at the age of 5. I suspect eating junk food later in life is far more damaging than being formula-fed.

Your DH does not get a say in it. Your body, your decision,

Afreshstartplease Mon 08-Aug-16 10:56:00

Op I have three DC and am expecting DC4

None of mine have been breastfed at all and neither will this one

I've never felt overly pressured just stand your ground and say no

turquoise88 Mon 08-Aug-16 11:00:23

People who say that breastfeeding is better for your baby need to be careful.

BreastMILK is better for your baby than formula MILK. The actual process of breastFEEDING is, to put it bluntly, hell for many women and if you think you'll struggle to cope or just don't want to do it then obviously formula feed.

Agree with a few of the previous posters who have suggested trying not to give the baby the colostrum and then switching. If you want to, of course.

The comments along the lines of, "oh just tell them to fuck off" amuse me. As if you're actually going to be that rude to a professional who has simply got to do their job. I'd like to see these people offered this "advice" to do that in real life hmm.

WelshManx Mon 08-Aug-16 11:01:22

DH is very supportive of whatever I want to do, so if I change my mind then that's fine with him. Also, I realise that when she's born I might change my mind, so I'm not ruling it out 100%. If i do change my mind, how would it affect her when I'm away for a few days? I've heard that some babies don't swap to bottle feeds at easily?

Hoppinggreen Mon 08-Aug-16 11:02:22

It's your preference - your baby will be fine either way.
You probably won't be bullied but you MIGHT get some health care people trying to change your mind, I was an older Mum no I found that calmly but firmly saying I was going to FF worked fine but I did have to stress it and in fact just after I had had DD and was in no fit state to protest ( was taken for surgery soon after) one mw did stick her on my boob and I was too shocked to do anything about it.
Please research properly how to FF safely as you will not receive any help or advice from your MW, I certainly didn't and I had to help several other new mothers ( one of whom I met crying in the baby food aisle in Sainsburys) who had been told by their mw that they couldn't advise them on FF.

katiegg Mon 08-Aug-16 11:02:39

I didn't want to breastfeed either. Throughout my pregnancy I trotted out the 'I'm going to try, but if it doesn't work out in not going to beat myself up about it' line to community midwives. Honestly, my plan was to persevere while I was in hospital and switch to formula milk as soon as I got home.

I fed ds in recovery and in the middle of his second feed, in the middle of the night on the post-natal ward, I completely broke down and cried to the midwife that I knew it made me a terrible mother but I didn't want to breastfeed. Do you know what she said? She gave me a hug and a tissue and told me that was absolutely fine and brought me a bottle of formula milk. No guilt, no questions asked. She started to tell me about trying to feed him and using formula to 'top-up' but when she realised that wasn't the issue, she gave me another hug and told me it was far more important for ds that I was happy and healthy rather than torturing myself trying to breastfeed.

Ds is now 20 months, happy, healthy and thriving with a happy and healthy mum. Dc2 is due in December and I won't be attempting to feed this time, simply because I don't want to and that's a good enough reason.

Do what's best for you, and if you don't want to breastfeed don't feel pressured into it.

mrsnec Mon 08-Aug-16 11:03:03

I had a very open mind and I tried it both times.

I gave up after 2 weeks with dd and 4 days with ds although milk never really came in properly anyway. I am glad I tried but I did beat myself up about it the first time. The second time I realised I had 2 babies to look after now and it wasn't worth agonising over.

I am not in the UK but I did get bullied over it by many Hcps and I did have to be quite firm with them and not in a nasty way I did find myself repeating look, it's my choice and I don't have to explain myself to anyone.

I would just be prepared for that. I still encounter people on a daily basis who say I didn't try hatd enough and I want to punch them!

MotherOfGlob Mon 08-Aug-16 11:05:01

Perhaps, as other posters have said, you could just give the colostrum for the first few days? This doesn't have to be given direct from the breast, small amounts can be expressed and given by syringe. Then go on to formula if you still feel you wish to.

A friend of mine firmly said that she would bf for 6 wks and then go on to formula, which she did.

Do what's best for you.

turquoise88 Mon 08-Aug-16 11:05:35

I've heard that some babies don't swap to bottle feeds at easily?

In my experience, there was a huge emphasis on not introducing a bottle too early as it may cause "nipple confusion." What actually happened was that we waited til 6 weeks and my DD refused bottles for a good while and it took us ages to find one that she was happy with. I still breastfeed now that she's almost one but she still has a bottle a day with her Dad.

You'd need to pump when you are away. If you find that you have an urge to give breastfeeding a go when your baby is born, you could consider combi feeding until 3 months and then switching to bottles completely from then on.

Thefitfatty Mon 08-Aug-16 11:06:01

Just firmly say No. Say you've done the research and you've decided it isn't for you. Personally, I wouldn't even bother with the colostrum (I didn't with DD). Just sit firmly in your no.

katiegg Mon 08-Aug-16 11:06:14

Sorry, just to add... I know not that breastfeeding doesn't make me a terrible mother, nor will it make you or anyone else a terrible mother either. I'd had a very rough delivery, was exhausted, high on drugs and hormonal grin

Sorry if that read like I was saying formula feeders are bad mothers!

PotteringAlong Mon 08-Aug-16 11:09:43

I fed both mine for 18 months. It would be insulting to my DH to say he wasn't a very involved father.

You say you might change your mind about breastfeeding after the baby is born and ask how to go on holiday for a few days without her when she's 3 months old. I suspect you might change your mind about going away too.

elelfrance Mon 08-Aug-16 11:13:51

If you're sure you don't want to BF (as I was on my second), you just keep cheerfully repeating "I'll be formula feeding, thanks"
I think if you sound sure of yourself, they won't push the issue.
If they think you're undecided, they may try to influence you to try BF, and if you decide to try it out, thats ok too.
In the end it is entirely your decision, and once you're happy aith your decision, what medical personnel or others think is irrelevant

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