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Sex and pregnancy

(18 Posts)
Emilyclark1991 Thu 04-Aug-16 17:07:14

Just trying to gauge where everyone else is with their relationship with pregnancy aswell. I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and the physical side of our relationship may aswell be non existent. I feel so down about it all and its hard to see how its going to change dramatically after having the baby. If I try and get close to him I always get rejected. And if I push for it I get a "if I have to" sort of response which just makes me feel disgusting. I understand things are different - because they are for me too but I hate feeling distance between us and a lack of sexual connection.

Has anyone else/is anyone else able to relate to me?

Nevlet Thu 04-Aug-16 17:18:28

Hello,

I have no advice but to say I am in exactly the same position. Am 36 weeks now and it has been like this almost since BFP. OH says he isn't sure why he just doesn't like the idea and it's nothing to do with me but I just can't believe that after 8 months of rejection! He seems to think it will all magically go back to how it was when we were TTC/not PG but to be honest I can't see it getting any better!

flowersflowerschocolatechocolate and soon winewine for us!!

Fluffsnuts Thu 04-Aug-16 20:44:35

My baby is 7months. Since his conception, I can count on one hand the number of times I've had sex. Until the third trimester I had no interest and felt dreadful. In the 3rd trimester we couldn't find a comfortable position, even though I wanted it. Since birth, I'm exhausted and feel so unattractive and on the off chance I do feel like it, it is agony.

Whatsername17 Thu 04-Aug-16 21:49:39

My dh found sex with a moving bump a little off putting. You need to talk and communicate. You can have intimacy without sex. We spent the entire first trimester doing other stuff because penetrative sex was risky. Try and see if there is a middle ground and try to get him to explain what he is worried about. Good luck x

FlourishingMrs Thu 04-Aug-16 21:51:37

I am 6 months and managing about 4 times a week, my friend who has been with her DH for 16 years never did it post BFP, her DH just cannot deal with doing in in pregnancy, was the same for 3 pregnancies. All is good now. Different women and men respond differently to pregnancy. Keep cuddling and no clothes in bed always works.

HughLauriesStubble Thu 04-Aug-16 23:18:52

My dh finds intercourse a bit off putting so we don't do the full deed as much during pregnancy, but we do other types of sexual stuff just as often instead. Your dh is well out of order with his 'do I have to' attitude though, I'd be having words with him for that.

user1467983757 Fri 05-Aug-16 08:48:40

I'm 11 weeks and feel really guilty for not wanting to. In my last pregnancy we had very rare sex. As I got heavier into the pregnancy my hubby just didn't want to. He didn't like the idea that he could hurt the baby. Couldn't change his mind. He wanted to after though when I really didn't! It settled eventually

Emilyclark1991 Fri 05-Aug-16 09:00:00

Yeah let's hope it changes. He says he's excited for sex when we've had the baby which surprises me with the lack of want at the moment. I know it's all changes but it's hard to deal with on top of your hormones and your own body changes not making you feel as attractive as you once felt. It's really making me want this pregnancy just to be over with.

Afreshstartplease Fri 05-Aug-16 09:03:13

I'm 29 weeks and until about a week ago we were managing but now dp seems put off by the bump. He still instigates but once we get down to it it's so awkward and just doesn't work. So now I can't be arsed TBH

LadyLynsey Fri 05-Aug-16 10:03:29

I'm 13 wks and haven't DTD since my pregnancy test. I was scared of prompting a bleed :-/ then the nausea kicked in aswel and I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do less!
Partner was as patient as possible but now he's getting impatient again...almost can't wait to be bigger so he leaves me alone! grin

elliej83 Fri 05-Aug-16 10:24:03

I'm having the same issue Emily. I can't seem to understand why he doesn't want to do it but it's not just sex for me it's a general lack of affection. We went a whole week without even a peck in the lips or a cuddle which makes me feel really unloved to be honest. I brought it up and didn't get much of a response. I've pretty much had to ask for a kiss or a cuddle this week and just makes me feel a bit like a baby machine at the moment.

Emilyclark1991 Fri 05-Aug-16 11:50:46

Yeah I completely get you Ellie. It really starts taking its toll on you and I think my perception of pregnancy and how I'd feel V reality has hit me ALOT cos it's so different. Getting them to understand is hard work. My partner will still kiss me but it's not the intimate, passionate kisses we used to have. I really have no clue how to change things I feel like I've tried everything

elliej83 Fri 05-Aug-16 23:18:34

Totally agree on the perception of pregnancy. I was definitely not made aware of how much stretching, aches and pains went on internally. I've always seen women look like they are glowing!
I tried to bring it up tonight to say even if you're not bothered about having sex which I can see he may find weird that my body has changed that some affection might be nice. Problem is he's one of these men who could live with no touchy feelness cuddle or kisses where as I can't. He said he just thought because I'd had some pain this week is want to be left alone but it's really the opposite!!

Emilyclark1991 Sat 06-Aug-16 09:07:18

So did anything happen after your talk? I do think the hardest thing is to get them to understand. I've had this conversation saying it's not just sex but it doesn't go through. I never thought I'd dislike pregnancy this much because of one thing but it changes so much and just makes me feel horrible doesn't it

Desmondo2016 Sat 06-Aug-16 09:50:37

We had nothing til 12 weeks, about weekly from then and now the last week I can't get enough!

elliej83 Sat 06-Aug-16 20:46:46

Oh Desmondo I envy you. I want to be doing it all the time but it's just not happening.
Emily he's made more of an effort when it comes to the odd kiss and cuddle but we'll see if it lasts in to next week. When I mentioned it last time he did remember for a day or two but then it tailed off again.
On the sex front it's not going well. I had a wax in Thursday and had some kind of reaction so things not good down there... Won't go in to too much detail but I've not particularly been trying. He did say at lunch time he was quite horny this morning but I just said why didn't you do something about it??!! I think he did just in the shower.. Alone!

ShyOyster Sat 06-Aug-16 20:53:26

My DP was a bit like that in the 3rd trimester. I wanted a shag 24/7 and he was just completely freaked out by the bump. If it makes anyone any better, everything went back to normal post partum. Not straight away because I just had no interest in sex for the first SIX months but it did eventually. The nasty side of me quite enjoyed his suffering when it was the other way round-he wanted to DTD but I just really really didn't.

LondonStill83 Sun 07-Aug-16 21:47:35

I think it's pretty normal unfortunately. Some men just can't get past the mental block that there is a baby in there and they might hurt the baby or put the pregnancy at risk.

I have a stitch in which has made sex impossible and we get by mostly sorting ourselves out and having the occasional BJ/mutual masturbation session. I trust it will go back to normal after and am trying to keep that in mind. It isn't always easy though!!!

To DH credit he's great at making me feel "touched" in other ways, so I get lots of cuddles and back rubs etc which I think saves me from going crazy!

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