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Need all your help telling my mum im pregnant!

(27 Posts)
Spingroll16 Wed 03-Aug-16 15:02:42

Hello smile

So I've recently found out I am about 7 weeks pregnant. myself and my partner are over the moon, as we have been trying to conceive. I am step mum to a nearly 3 year old boy who we have every weekend. I also should add, we are getting married in October.

We bought our own house last year, and money really isn't great. We just about get by each month. However my DH is starting a new job in 3 weeks, on a lot more money. So I have no worries there.

My parents told me not to get pregnant before my wedding, but I wanted it so much I couldn't wait anymore.. I am dreading telling my parents! I think my mum will flip, and say we can't afford to get by each month, let alone with a baby too.

I've decided to do it tonight, as I cant wait any longer and thought she'd end up more pissed off if she was last to find out!

HELP PLEASEEEEE sad

MsStricty Wed 03-Aug-16 15:06:42

Since when do you need your parents' approval for anything, OP? You're an adult; you can do whatever you like. Your mother has no hold over you apart from the hold that you let her have over you.

Judgements about you a) have nothing to do with you, and b) are beyond your control to manage. Live your life.

Congratulations, btw! flowers

ayeokthen Wed 03-Aug-16 15:07:29

I found out I was pregnant 10 days before I got married, was absolutely terrified of telling my (VERY religious) parents. Ended up calling my mum and just blurting out "Mum I'm pregnant can you please tell Dad thanks bye!" All in one massive breath and then hung up. I was terrified! But actually they were great, and they even coped when I left my abusive XH a year later, was a single mum for years and then had 2 DCs with my DP despite not being married. What I mean is, they'll probably be pissed off at first, but they'll come round, babies tend to have that effect on people. Good luck OP!

OvariesForgotHerPassword Wed 03-Aug-16 15:11:14

Right, I've done an awkward announcement before grin

Be confident. Don't say "I'm pregnant", that opens the floor for talk about 'options'. Say "DP and I are going to have a baby". Smile and make it clear you're very happy about it.

If she reacts badly, stay calm. Say "I'm sorry you feel that way, we are very happy about this and I hoped you would be happy for us".

Don't say anything in haste that you may regret later. Try and remember that her reaction is coming from a place of shock rather than true disapproval/anger.

Tell her what you've told us, about your DP's new job. If she continues to be angry and you feel uncomfortable, say again, "I'm sorry you feel this way but we are happy and this is what we want. I am going to leave and give you time to come to terms with it. You know where I am, you are my mum and I don't want this to affect our relationship, but I am starting my family and we are happy".

Try not to dwell if her reaction is bad. My mum kicked my DP out and told me to get rid, I walked out and we didn't speak for ages. Seven months later my mum was my second birthing partner and loved seeing her granddaughter born, and now she absolutely dates on her!

Best of luck and congratulations smile

Sparklesilverglitter Wed 03-Aug-16 15:11:16

You are an adult, your don't need your parents approval to get pregnant.

Just tell them that you are pregnant and with a bit of luck they will be happy for their daughter.

Congratulation flowers

LizzieMacQueen Wed 03-Aug-16 15:11:32

I'm sure she'll be delighted but you say you were actively trying to conceive so have you not already imagined this scenario?

Big deep breath and tell her.....

Congratulations and good luck with the wedding.

Dozer Wed 03-Aug-16 15:12:41

Yes, it's not really your parents' business!

divadee Wed 03-Aug-16 15:15:30

My mum who is very religious (a minister so comes with the job!) and has had me telling her not once but twice that I am pregnant out of marriage. Once at 19 and now in June. Me and my ex husband did eventually get married which delighted my mum. The divorce not so much!

Now I'm getting nagged again about marriage to my partner which I would love but putting no pressure on either of us.

So what I am trying to say is they will be delighted. Shocked maybe but happy eventually. And if not then that's their problem not yours!

ayeokthen Wed 03-Aug-16 15:16:16

Divadee my dad's a minister too!

Spingroll16 Wed 03-Aug-16 15:20:27

When I told her we were engaged, she looked so disappointed. I mean she said Congratulations and hugged me, but she honestly looked so disappointed and it ruined the moment! I'm scared it will happen again!

Brilliant suggestion of not saying im pregnant, but rather 'we are having a baby and are over the moon about it!'

I am STILL bricking it, I was going to tell her after my wedding on the suggestion of my DH but she'd be pretty pissed off if she found out she was last to know!

Think its now or never, I'm going round after work. wish me luck!

We've never been happier, yes it isn't ideal when I have to get into a wedding dress, but most people don't really show until they are about 20 weeks anyway! I say most with a pinch of salt ha ha!

PotteringAlong Wed 03-Aug-16 15:22:06

Just tell her after the wedding?

DancingDinosaur Wed 03-Aug-16 15:26:37

Have you got a scan pic or is it too soon? I popped a scan pic into a card with the words 'congratulations grandmother to be' No words needed! Maybe you should wait until the scan and do that.

Gazelda Wed 03-Aug-16 15:27:08

OP, when I have to do something I'm dreading, I try to do a countdown in my head. For example, if I knew I had to make a tricky phonecall today at 5pm, I'd be telling myself right now "it'll all be over in two hours timer". It makes me feel as though the worst will soon be over.

But I truly hope that after the initial surprise, they will welcome your news and treat you as the adult capable of making decisions that you obviously are.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Goingtobeawesome Wed 03-Aug-16 15:28:38

Tell her after the wedding and if she finds out she was the last to know tell her, you ruined my engagement announcement by not being happy and I didn't want you ruining this as well.

Why wasn't she happy you were engaged?

It's time you realised you're an adult and your mother has no right to demand you don't conceive before the wedding hmm.

JFTR at seven weeks I couldn't do my trousers up and I hadn't put any weight on..

Spingroll16 Wed 03-Aug-16 15:28:58

I don't think I can wait that long to tell her, I'd want to tell everyone else before then. Ideally at 12 weeks.... but again, cant have her last finding out or she'd be so angry...

divadee Wed 03-Aug-16 15:29:50

ayeokthen it's a joy having ministers for parents isn't it? ;-) my mum and dad were both ministers only my mum left now as dad passed away 6 years ago. She is retired but still works 'occasionally' (all the time!)

Spingroll16 Wed 03-Aug-16 15:30:38

I'm in baggy tops and leggings as nothing else is comfortable, I don't think I'd make it to 16 weeks without her finding out!

I'm 21, but still scared off her reaction like an actual child is scared of being told off sad

ayeokthen Wed 03-Aug-16 15:37:05

Divadee I'm sorry about your Dad. Yeah, my dad is "semi-retired" not retired at all and its like living in a goldfish bowl being "the meenister's daughter" haha. He's put up with a lot from me, bless him. Can't imagine if my mum and dad were both ministers!!

Crocodillian Wed 03-Aug-16 15:40:05

flowers congratulations flowers
I had to face this last year and my advice is positivity no matter what dm says until she has no choice but to jump on board or grin and but out.
I was concerned about telling dm. Im married and we already had 1dc 7yo. Dm was very anti me having any more as there was a high risk of me becoming v physically unwell in pregnancy -and because she doesnt like kids- I'd been told a 2nd pregnancy would be difficult and dm had gone round telling everyone that her 17th gc was her last. (I have lots of siblings and dm didnt become a "career woman" until her 50s. Possibly why she didnt want me to have more than 1 dc)
We were trying for a while and I was so excited to get the bfp. I was quite unwell from about 5wks in and I knew dm would be genuinely worried about my health as well as being slightly annoyed that I was adding to the brood of gcs. As a big, grown woman I didn't need her approval, but I didn't want the stress of her banging on about what a bad idea it was for the entire pregnancy.
I commute into London for work and have to change near her office so I went to meet her in a crowded place for breakfast and told her that I had some amazing news that dh and I were so happy about. The fact that I was so happy stopped her from being too negative, although she did put in her 2pennies worth about my health, age (31 was too old and I'd be the oldest lady on the mat ward hmm) and age gap that would exist between dcs. But as I was talking about it dm couldn't be too negative as she couldn't help but get caught up in my excitement. Throughout the pregnancy I met all of her negativity with excitement and she began to get more and more into it culminating with her booking a week off when baby was born and just being amazing.
Within weeks of her 18th gc came her 5th and 6th ggcs. And then a 19th gc. I think she's resigning herself to the fact that you cant influence when your grown up dcs decide to have their own dc.

AudreyBradshaw Wed 03-Aug-16 16:14:55

I'm 30, married and in our own house and I STILL thought I was going to get told off by my Mam (...Who is also a vicar! High five to all ministers kids everywhere!) Incidentally she (and my dad) were/are delighted but I recognise "the fear" grin

Go with what pp have mentioned "me and dp are expecting a baby, we are thrilled". You can't control her reaction however you tell her so I'd just go with as simple and honest as possible. Congratulations flowers

LizzieMacQueen Wed 03-Aug-16 22:29:04

How did it go OP?

OvariesForgotHerPassword Thu 04-Aug-16 07:54:55

Hope it went well OP!

Spingroll16 Thu 04-Aug-16 08:53:59

I bottled it!

She wasn't in a very good mood already, so I wasn't going to make it worse!

I'm going to tell her at the weekend, with my partner there for support!

Thank you for all your suggestions!

SquedgieBeckenheim Thu 04-Aug-16 14:14:44

I knew my parents wouldn't disapprove,but I was still frightened to tell them! I felt like a naughty child, bottled it and made DH break the news! DD was planned, we were already married, owned our own home and in good jobs. Yet I still couldn't tell them! I think the fear can be intrinsic.
Hope you manage to tell her this weekend and she's supportive of you.
Congratulations!

Pumpkin123Lisa Fri 05-Aug-16 10:14:34

Congrats and try not to worry about it.
I was 20 and so happy when I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend (who is 20 years my senior) and wanted to wait until 12 weeks to tell people. My dad found out a couple days later because he guessed it haha, he was so happy (I hadn't lived at home since 17 so that probably helped). I did not expect my siblings reaction (I have 9)
Two of my sisters were over for a visit and got suspicious so they rifled through my bag and found my folic acid...they absolutely lots the plot.
Screaming a cm away from my face, telling my I needed an abortion and they'd had one and it was so much easier, what the hell was I thinking, why would get pregnant from "that old man" and every other insult and personal attack they could think of. I was so shocked I couldn't even respond, I was crying and just needed a hug..they had no right, I was so happy just minutes before! My partner gone to see his family for the day and it was a horrible thing to have to get through on my own.

2 years later most of them have apologised and are happy to have another niece..the others are **** and I don't really talk to them much. I am now 12 weeks along with number 2 with my amazing partner and couldn't be happier..just told everyone and got mixed reactions again!! (and some haven't even responded) but I didn't tell them face to face so no screaming lol xx

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