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anyone else terrified of second (or subsequent) labour?

(7 Posts)
justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Thu 28-Jul-16 11:35:20

My first pregnancy was so smooth. Almost right up until due date I would wake and forget I was pregnant! Labour was different though. Not traumatic but not the easiest either. I woke with the show and small cramps which slightly intensified within the following 24hrs and then wham I was in established labour for 90 minutes(!) and the contractions were horrendous. It didn't help that I had to stay on my back to be monitored the whole time as baby's heartbeat was dropping. It ended with an episiotomy, forceps delivery, stitches and then my beautiful baby.

This time I'm set up for a home birth as I'm paranoid I might have an even quicker labour. I have a birthing pool because I'm trying to set myself up for a "relaxing" labour. After all, my labour this time could be entirely different to my first. I've had a fair bit of pelvic pain with this pregnancy and I can't get about that much as it causes me cramps. I can feel that my baby's head has engaged and it's very uncomfortable whereas last time I didn't know until I was told. I have pain around my belly button from the stretching and I'm booked to see mw later to have blood pressure checked as I've had headaches the past few days which just isn't normal for me. So I'm hoping these little differences means a smoother labour! But any sign I get and I'm absolutely crapping myself sad literally tbh!!

It's not because I'm set up to give birth at home. It doesn't matter where I labour,I'm terrified either way. And I'm really trying to relax because the irony is that relaxing makes labour that bit easier apparently!

Anyone else feel the same? Any wise words to help me grow a pair? Please?!

dinkystinky Thu 28-Jul-16 11:41:56

Hi OP - just wanted to say, I felt exactly like this with my second (after having a v smooth pregnancy with no 1 and an awful traumatic birth). What I did to help me realise/reinforce that this was a different pregnancy and so could well be a different birth was (1) change hospitals (2) get a doula I knew and trusted to help fight my corner and read lots of Ina May Gaskin birth stories about births that did go well (to reinforce that such things do exist!) and (3) did a hypno birthing course - not so much for the relaxation element but more for the fear release element. It was so so helpful. DS2's birth was a dream - 3 hours from start (waters going) to finish (holding him in my arms after a water birth in the birth centre) and went so so smoothly - so smoothly in fact I had no worries or fears when it came to DS3's birth.

You don't have to do a course - check out Marie Mongan's hypnobirthing book and CD and there are downloads available on line.

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Thu 28-Jul-16 14:32:29

Thank you dinky. I was actually silently praying when I wrote this post that someone would comment like you have so thank you for that! Will definitely check out some online hypnotherapy videos. I haven't much time to read the book (39 weeks!) and I spend my time napping when little one does so couldn't even squeeze in some chapters then! But I will definitely put some time aside this evening to listen to some downloads. Thank you again for your comment. It has already helped immensely!

dinkystinky Thu 28-Jul-16 15:44:30

It will be ok.

I used to fall asleep to the rainbow relaxation/fear release downloads (used to drive my DH crazy!) - but it obviously made its way in. I think feeling like I was addressing the things that made me scared relaxed me and helped me sleep - and ultimately helped in the birth.

BerylMeeps Thu 28-Jul-16 15:49:20

I'm just going to say that my recollection of what happened in the birthing room and the MWs report differ wildly- although they had given me a lot of drugs so hey ho.

So I'm scared. I'm 40w preg and terrified. But that's ok. I'm allowed to be. That's what I say to myself, it's going to hurt, and you're scared, and that's ok. It's still happening, baby is still coming out but I'm not going to let the fear control me, I've accepted it, and I'll deal. Fingers crossed!

Belmo Thu 28-Jul-16 16:10:59

I felt just like this! My second is 12 weeks now (already! shock) Labour was loads easier second time around. Much shorter - 5 hours rather than 18 - painful but totally manageable, the only bit that was really painful was the pushing stage but again that was 5 minutes rather than two hours the first time.
I couldn't believe how much better I felt afterwards - felt like I'd been hit by a train first time around but felt fantastic this time! Just a small tear which I didn't feel and hasn't given me any bother.
Good luck! So worth it grin

sj257 Thu 28-Jul-16 17:27:21

Yes, it's my third. First was a difficult birth, 17 months later I had to do it again and I think I'd blocked it out and it all came back to me while I was in labour and I had a meltdown. However that labour was actually OK, it would have been fine had I not been an anxious wreck!

I'm just really scared of having to do it again 😱

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