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Confused, pregnant and single at 26

(9 Posts)
Stupidgirl1990 Fri 22-Jul-16 13:21:46

Ive been casually seeing a guy since the end of April. I had a week where i messed up my pill and had sex. I took the morning after pill and thought nothing more of it and continued my pill as normal. 6 weeks later and no period i discovered im pregnant. I told the father the night i found out and without really thinking about it i agreed to an abortion.
This wouldnt be my first. I had one during a long term relationship in March 2015. Since then i wouldnt say i regret my decision because at the time as soon as i found out i felt so disgusted and scared i just wanted it to go away asap, but i do regret thinking it was my only way out and the guilt has been heavy. Having known what i do now about terminations i feel too scared to go through another one and feel emotionally im not strong enough to carry two abortions on my shoulders.
I work in the nhs at a hospital and my last period was literally my first day working there. Does anyone how i could make this pregnancy work? I havent even informed my doctor of my pregnancy. My parents dont know and the father thinks im arranging a abortion and at the same time my twin sister is 12 weeks pregnant. Since finding out i am also pregnant i feel asif its ruined how happy i am for her. Before my news i was the happiest proudest aunty alive and now im terrified ive ruined her pregnancy with my unplanned one. I know ultimately my family will be there to support me but this not what they wanted for me. Im so confused and worried about luterally everything right now. Any words of advice would be appreciated and very open to pros and cons of keeping the baby

divadee Fri 22-Jul-16 13:35:26

First off. Relax. I know it's easier said then done. You still have a little bit of time.

It is up to you what you want to do. I am very pro choice but I also do believe it is your choice. Don't do anything you are not 100% happy with because someone else is putting pressure on you.

You need to take some time for yourself and decide what you want to do. No one else. Just you. No boyfriend, no family, no friends. Just you.

Lorelei76 Fri 22-Jul-16 13:41:14

OP "Any words of advice would be appreciated and very open to pros and cons of keeping the baby"

well that's interesting - you are open to pros and cons, does that mean you aren't sure?

you say that you feel you can't go through an abortion again. Is that due to the medical procedure? The reason I ask is that the medical stuff associated with having a baby can be much worse.

If in fact, you just want to have the baby - then do. You haven't ruined your sister's pregnancy! You are both separate people. I hope you have support. Oh and if you told the father you were having an abortion, so what, you're entitled to change your mind. It's your choice, no one else's. Either choice is not for anyone else to judge.

Stupidgirl1990 Fri 22-Jul-16 14:39:35

Yes, im so unsure. Obviously i hadnt planned to be pregnant outside of a stable relationship. The guy is genuinely a lovely guy and he has no intentions of upsetting me when he asks if id made any steps towards an abortion but whenever its mentioned i just want to burry my head. He had always been conscious of us falling pregnant and always asked if im on the pill to which id always say stop worrying. I feel so bad on him that this has happened and he has been very worried since. Ive told him i wont rush into a termination again like last time. He was understanding and appologetic for pressuring.

Somebody said guys come and go so never make a decision on what a man wants. Which i agree but i feel like im letting him down and living out his nightmare

Lorelei76 Fri 22-Jul-16 15:57:59

Do you know how far along you are?

Have you got time to talk a medical person about your feelings? What is your doctor like?

I reckon after a couple of days you will know what you want to do. can you make a GP appointment for next week? You will need it regardless.

LondonGirl83 Fri 22-Jul-16 16:17:16

Oh I really feel for you. If you don't think you are emotionally able to have another abortion, then don't.

I get you feel guilty but the reality is birth control even when administered perfectly fails about 1% of the time. The father is an adult and had to be prepared that this could happen in a sexual relationship, even if its unlikely.

Don't worry about your sister and put the father's wishes out of your mind for a bit and think about what you want and how you could make it work on your own if necessary.

Stupidgirl1990 Fri 22-Jul-16 16:40:07

Im about 6/7 weeks i think. I found out after week of no period and that was a week ago. I have been taking folic acid since finding out as a precaution and advised by my twin. So im not worried about seeing a dr urgently. I just feel like seeing or ringing the abortion clinic or the dr is admitting a decision which im really not ready for. Physically the abortion was fine, but nothing prepared me for the emotional turmoil that followed which was a shock cause i was so sure last time. But part of me thinks maybe this time could be different??? Argh i really dont know what to think say or do.

LondonGirl83 Fri 22-Jul-16 16:50:19

Why do want an abortion? If you can think of reasons you want one that have nothing to do with anyone but you that might be a decent starting place for making a decision.

Lorelei76 Fri 22-Jul-16 18:14:11

Well you've got a bit of time but you should see the GP in any case.

If you're taking folic acid it does suggest you know what you want.

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