When to tell parents?

[ThePartyArtist]

I'm 7 wks pregnant and undecided about when to tell my parents and my husband's parents - both of whom live a considerable distance from us. I'm due to get a permanent contract at work when I am between 15 and 17 weeks so we don't want to go fully public with the pregnancy announcement til after then, but we would like to let them know before then.

DH and I have discussed telling just our parents and saying they must keep it to themselves until we say otherwise - we feel confident my parents will honour this, but are a bit worried that DH's mum can be a bit indiscreet with Facebook. DH says he doesn't mind my parents knowing before his. We'll be seeing his parents when I am 12 weeks so thought we'd say then (and emphasise to his mum about keeping it off Facebook!)

With mine, we can't decide whether to say now over the phone, or when we see them next (when I will be 11 weeks). On the one hand I feel like saying now would be better because a) I could talk to them about it and have their support, b) I wouldn't have to be secretive when I see my dad (without mum) at 10 weeks), and c) I guess I just feel weird keeping it from them as we are close. However the downside is it'd mean telling them over the phone so I have to decide which one of them to say it to first, the other might be in the room overhearing it etc. and it feels nicer to do it face to face. Can't decide really! Any advice from someone who's been there?

[crazychemist]

I didn't tell my parents till 11 weeks as they were on holiday from 8 weeks and I didn't want to tell in laws too early (DH didn't have a job lined up at that point, didn't want him coming under pressure while he was applying). Alas MIL guessed at 9 weeks as she came for a surprise visit and I had hideous morning sickness! I think telling parents in person when you see them is the nicest way to do it, and means you can emphasise the importance of keeping it quiet for a while. I doubt you'll have to be secretive with your dad as he's unlikely to ask straight out! Do you have much morning sickness?

[cloudlessskies]

It's tricky isn't it party? I'm in a similar situation. My advice to you would be to tell them each face to face so when you are 11/12 weeks. As it is special, being with them will be nice and you can be very clear that you want it kept private.

We're seeing my inlaws when I will be 8.5 weeks (1st pregnancy) and DH wants to tell them then but I feel like that is too early but they live far away so we wouldn't see them again for months. I will be 9 weeks when I see my parents together, then my dad goes away for 6 weeks which I'm happy to wait until then but then if DH insists on telling his parents face to face I can't make mine wait another 6 weeks - Mum would be distraught!

I feel like I don't want to say too early as something could go wrong but then they also know we're 'trying'. I also like having it so that just we know/don't want mum fussing over me all the time!

[FlipperSkipper]

I'm waiting until after my 12 week scan, then we plan to tell both sets of parents in person, but probably on separate weekends as we'll have to travel to see them. We told them both much earlier with my first pregnancy (they knew we were having ivf) and when I miscarried neither set were particularly supportive, so I'd rather wait this time.

[AspiringMother]

I'm currently 12 weeks & 5 days. I told my mum quite early on and my dad at 8 weeks. Most people recommend telling others at 12 weeks, but it's totally up to you! I didn't want to leave it for too long, as I felt as though it was such a BIG secret to keep. As soon as I got it out there, I instantly felt more relaxed re the situation, and all of our family reacted brilliantly! I'm like you though - and have since come off Facebook due to other reasons. Only tell your closest friends and family. Good luck!

[TinySalmon]

I FaceTimed my mum (who lived abroad) the day after telling DP when I found out. I figured if something went wrong in the pregnancy I'd want her to know about it and comfort me anyway.

[LondonGirl83]

First time I told my mum immediate as I figured I'd want her for comfort. However, when I miscarried she took it really hard. Also, she kept on asking me questions trying to figure out what I did wrong to cause it which became incredibly annoying as it wasn't my fault.

This time around I'm not telling her until I see her face to face in a couple of weeks. I'm already passed the high miscarriage risk but I figure since I've waited this long I'll just wait to do it when I see her.

[SquedgieBeckenheim]

Last time we told both sets of parents at 8 weeks. It was Christmas and we wanted some people to know to avoid too many questions about why I wasn't drinking! They kept it secret till we announced at 12 weeks.
This time we'll tell parents when we see them, so my parents at around 9 weeks. Dh's parents I don't know when they'll know as we don't know when we'll see them. They weren't too happy about keeping it secret so the later we tell them the better!

[Northernlight22]

Told them face to face almost immediately on my first pregnancy which ended in a mc. We live a distance away and so it made sense to tell them then as we were already visiting.

Second time was over the phone a week or 2 after we found out. Was a bit jaded by early pregnancy second time round as was scared it would end in a mc again so didn't want to do it face to face as I didn't want people being excited. Again, we told them early as if anything went wrong we'd have needed their support. Luckily, alls going well this time!

[Northernlight22]

Anyone who was told before 12 weeks was under instruction not to say a word though - it wasn't such a great secret first time, but second time most people managed to keep quiet!