Advanced search

Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

Uninvited 'advice'

(17 Posts)
Cottagecosy Mon 18-Jul-16 20:52:04

just wanted to vent my frustrations at the inescapable uninvited advice/ scare mongering that I seem to be attracting as soon as anyone knows I'm pregnant.

In a well known high street chain today I asked for directions to a maternity section. Queue a barrage of unwanted advice from the shop assistant and her colleague. What annoyed me more was that it wasn't just well meaning helpful advice but advice/ personal stories clearly intended to scare me/ make me aware of how 'horrific' the process of giving birth/ breast feeding etc. Can be.

I'm not naive, I know it's not all pleasant but the idea of having to listen to this kind of thing every time I go shopping for anything maternity/ baby related fills me with dread. It would be nice to be able to choose to focus on the positives if I want to!

Anyone got any tips for dealing with this?!?!

Tinklypoo Mon 18-Jul-16 20:56:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flossiesmummy Mon 18-Jul-16 21:02:33

Pretend it's your fifth child and say nonchalantly 'oh don't be so silly, the first four weren't that hard! Piece of cake!" <tinkly laugh> <head tilt>

suspiciousofgoldfish Mon 18-Jul-16 21:06:42

This used to really annoy me too.

But listen to it, prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

People don't often ask me for advice in RL, strangely...

CarlGrimesMissingEye Mon 18-Jul-16 21:08:00

I didn't get this it makes me wonder what vibes I'm giving off grin

plimsolls Mon 18-Jul-16 21:09:49

I like flossie's approach!

I just either nod and smile or (my favourite but only works with certain types of advice) look blankly and ask "why?" And keep asking until they are forced to spell out exactly what unpleasant thing they were hinting at. They tend to look a little ashamed of their scaremongering at that point.

bumblebee86 Mon 18-Jul-16 21:10:46

This really annoys me too. I know everyone has an opinion and their own experiences but it seems that they want to tell you that's the way they did things, things went are the best.

LondonStill83 Mon 18-Jul-16 21:12:03

I am seven months in and yup, get the same. Mostly I just ignore it but sometimes it's actually been helpful- eg, SIL directed me to good nipple cream and said a bottle sterilizer has saved her sanity.

Take the good, leave the bad- like life, really!

missybct Mon 18-Jul-16 21:22:56

I'm nearly 8 months and I've found everyone's a fucking expert grin

Cottagecosy Mon 18-Jul-16 21:42:10

Haha flossies I love that- may try that next time!

Suspiciousgoldfish- I understand that perspective but it's not one I adhere too. Either way though I wouldn't tell someone having an operation all the awful things that could happen, or tell someone going on holiday the statistics on air crashes and robberies abroad. It just seems bizarre that women feel the need to share all the horror stories of pregnancy and parenting!

And I totally agree I'm not talking about all advice. I have already made notes of some very helpful suggestions and advice which was genuinely well meaning- I'm not poo pooing the value of others experiences at all. Just not strangers in shops who want to scare me!

Ah well will just have to find a thick skin and perfect the head tilt/ stories of my 10 existing children haha grin

AudreyBradshaw Mon 18-Jul-16 22:16:37

I've been lucky in that the first three people I told I was pregnant basically said "don't listen to the horror stories, some people will try and scare you, but you will be fine!"

So whenever the threat for want of a better word of unwanted advice/horror stories have arisen, I've been quite breezy and positive "oh it will be fine/No point stressing about it now, eh?/Well, you get what you get and you don't get upset" or just smile and nod nonchalantly.

I don't know how this baby is going to behave and the woman in Mothercare who's just clapped eyes on my certainly doesn't, don't give it a second thought!

Farfromtheusual Thu 21-Jul-16 16:00:41

Just ignore. Its only gets worse. As everyone says take the good, leave the bad.

The one that really fucks me off is 'ooo your life will never be the same again' and 'ooo you've got all this to come' when their child is having a meltdown. BIL is the worst for this and I want to punch him every time he says it angry

Like I don't know what I've signed up for hmm

ChristmasAccountant Thu 21-Jul-16 16:04:24

Yep 6 months here and am a sahm to a 2 year old but people still ask me if its my first and tell me horror stories. Well no it's not my first and after a 47h labour and emergency section, I've got my own horror story thanks!
Smile, nod and walk away is probably the best option but I'm hormonal, hot and irrational at the moment

MetalMidget Fri 22-Jul-16 13:15:37

I didn't start getting this from random strangers until a month or so ago (I'm nearly 40 weeks now, eek). I've had:

* "Oh, you'll be fine - my first took less than five hours in total, and my second - we didn't even get out of the house, my husband had to deliver him in the ensuing!" - random woman by the sandwich aisle in Marks & Spencer's

* "Blimey, are you carrying twins? Remember you can eat curry/drink raspberry leaf tea/castor oil to speed things along" - various strangers!

* "Your pelvic floor will never be the same again, it'll be wrecked!" - a male colleague (who also referred to myself and another pregnant colleague as 'wide loads'

* "Our first was very traumatic, they used the vacuum thing, she's still got the mark on her head 13 years later..." - same colleague

* "You've got to let the baby cry and not pick them up straight away, even when they're newborn. They have to learn to be alone." - my best friend

* "If I had my time over again, I wouldn't have bothered with breastfeeding, formula's so good now. It'll ruin your body!" - my mother

Batteriesallgone Fri 22-Jul-16 13:19:24

You could take the nuclear option and say 'oh gosh you're right. I'll have to seek a late abortion'

But then I am a total bitch, complete with resting bitch face, so people rarely dole out this kind of shit to me (I'm actually quite nice once you know me blush)

skatesection Fri 22-Jul-16 13:22:35

What fucks me off the most is the
"can you eat that?"

As if I haven't scoured every pregnancy book and religiously updated every app to learn what foods are safe in pregnancy!

gandalf456 Fri 22-Jul-16 13:25:57

It doesn't change when you have them either

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now