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How to change my boyfriends mind about the baby?

(11 Posts)
061678719x Sat 16-Jul-16 09:04:40

Found out I'm 4 weeks pregnant, I'm so happy and excited but obviously nervous. My boyfriend doesn't want to keep it because he thinks he's too young and still wants to live the party lifestyle. Is this normal for the guy at first? I think he may just be freaking out as it isn't inside him he obviously isn't bonding with it like I am. Any advice?

ApocalypseSlough Sat 16-Jul-16 09:05:29

You must do what you want. Regardless of whether he's on board.

BertrandRussell Sat 16-Jul-16 09:07:13

Decide what you want to do. Assume that he will not want to be involved- decide for yourself.

Ifailed Sat 16-Jul-16 09:08:16

did you not discuss having children with him before you got pregnant?

Normandy144 Sat 16-Jul-16 09:09:58

You won't change his mind just as you won't change your mind. Decide what is best for you but be prepared that he might not have a change of heart.

Afreshstartplease Sat 16-Jul-16 09:10:29

You do need to realise that he might not come around to your way of thinking

If you want the baby you need to make that 100% clear to him and then take it from there, but I wouldn't try to pressurise him into being happy about it. Yes he may change his mind. But he might not and you can't make him

kiki22 Sat 16-Jul-16 17:13:08

I fell pregnant first time by accident dp wanted to terminate now he is glad we never DS is the light of his life and we are expecting another planned baby soon

My sister fell pregnant by accident the dad never came round to the idea made noises every so often about meeting my niece but never did, so my niece has never met her dad (and never will he died)

My best friend another accident the dad wasn't happy but stuck around they split 2 years later now he's in her daughter's life but inconsistently she's more or less a single parent financially and practically but with someone turning up rocking the boat every few weeks.

Moral of the story you never know how it will work out so you need to do what's best for you looking at doing it alone while hoping you won't need to. Good luck x

Eleanor2016 Sat 16-Jul-16 19:16:06

How old are you and you boyfriend? I had a situation like this at the beginning, I'm now 33 weeks pregnant x

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 16-Jul-16 19:25:02

Congratulations 💐

You are happy & excited to be pregnant, that's your right & you shouldn't let him spoil that.

It's your body & your choice. You just have to be clear with him that you have no intention to terminate your pregnancy and it is his decision to either 'stay' and be supportive or leave - but termination is not an option.

Who knows whether he'll grow up & stay, or leave & continue with his party lifestyle, but you shouldn't have a termination to 'keep him' because it's no guarantee & your resentment is more than likely to destroy the relationship anyway.

If he says he should get a say about a termination, he's wrong. It's your body. He had 'his say' when he didn't use a condom. Your body, your decision.

happy2bhomely Sat 16-Jul-16 19:30:26

You can't change his mind. He might change his mind, he might not. I was 16 when I accidentally got pregnant with our first, so was he. He wasn't happy. Neither was I, but I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy without his support. He wasn't involved for the first 3 years. It was hard.

17 years later, we have been together 14 years, happily married for 7 and have 5dc. He regrets the time he missed.

Life and love are unpredictable. Do what you feel and think is right for you right now.

LadyLayLay Sun 17-Jul-16 08:57:00

If he says he should get a say about a termination, he's wrong. It's your body. He had 'his say' when he didn't use a condom. Your body, your decision

How do you know that he didn't use a condom?

Not sure if you're still reading OP?

I think that both people should have a say, providing it was a genuine accident (i.e. you were on the pill but were one of the 1 in 100 who got pregnant on it, or he WAS wearing a condom but it split). That's not to say he should have the right to march you down there and demand you get a termination, but he has the right for his side of the story and for his feelings to be heard, just as you do yours.

I don't think it's as cut and dry as this "It's your body, you do what you want and don't think about his feelings!" stuff. It's his life and baby too. Do you want a relationship with this person longterm? Is he a good sort or a bit of an unreliable one?

Abortion is hard, but so is raising a child, more so if you're going to be doing it alone. Do you have support around you? Enough money to live on for you and a baby, plus bills, car, food etc.?

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