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Pregnancy and work - the age old dilemma but I need your help!

(2 Posts)
LegallyE Mon 11-Jul-16 08:12:37

Hi everyone

I am new to this forum so not entirely sure if I am posting in the right place...

I work abroad for an international law firm. My husband and I have been together for many years and have recently got married. We work in different cities so he commutes for around 2.5 hours daily by car, which is not an ideal situation. My job is fine, but I don't really enjoy being a lawyer in private practice (I never really have), however, the security of the job, the high pay and the fact that I don't really know what else I would like to do with my life have kept me away from making a change for almost 4 years now. Also, being abroad, changing jobs and going to a less secure one can be a bit more scary than back in the UK... It is easier to jeopardise your career here than anywhere else.

Anyway, my husband and I want to have a child. We are both in our 30s (me early, him mid) and feel that it is really time to start trying. The problem is that we are not really set up to have a child right now - my husband's commute, us wanting to change the city we live in, me having to find a new job if and when we do.... The list goes on. I am completely and utterly overwhelmed and not sure what I should be doing. I am also aware that once I get pregnant, I can't really change jobs, nor can I afford to have a break away from work entirely while on maternity leave, as I doubt I could be hired into another law firm after having 8 or so months off from work. My current job, while pretty good, is probably incompatible with life as a mum either - I work in an all male team and the hours are pretty unforgiving. Given that I have also started here six months ago, I am sure I will be ruining my relationship with Partners by announcing my pregnancy (if we are lucky enough to get pregnant soon) so early into the job. However, to be completely honest, I don't really care.

I want a job to be what it is - a job, where I can progress, succeed and, to an extent, enjoy what I do, but not one where I am terrified of getting pregnant and unable to plan my life as I want due to the fear of jeopardising my career. I also do not want to be a mom who can rarely put her children to bed. This means I may need to change my job and move in house or to a less well paid job at a smaller law firm - if I do that now, I will have to wait another 6 months before I can even consider pregnancy.

I am sorry if all of this sounds a little bit messy but that is exactly how it all sits in my head at the moment... I guess my question is should I sort my life out, move to another firm and wait another year before trying, or try now, and just see what happens?

Would really love to hear from all of you, and - in particular - any other lawyers out there who know what it's like smile


Beansprout30 Mon 11-Jul-16 09:30:16

Hi there, I'm not a lawyer I just do a pretty average office job but I think everyone has similar concerns of how they will deal with a pregnancy and wonder when is the right time etc

Truth is there is no right time and if you are wanting a family, don't hang around. We started ttc when I was 30 thinking it would happen quickly, I'm now 33 and my first is due in two weeks! Ideally I would have like to be trying for number two by now.

I was worried about how we would cope, how work would treat me etc but once into the ttc journey, my mind was more set than ever on wanting a child and I knew we would just have to work around it if and when it happened!

Best of luck!

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