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Pregnant with 3rd child…don't know how I feel about it or what to do

(12 Posts)
Kody12 Wed 06-Jul-16 05:50:38

Hi Everyone,

I've just found out that I'm pregnant with my 3rd baby, I have 2 boys almost 4 and 21 months. We live overseas and have no help at all and just don't know what to do!!.

We've always talked about having a 3rd and never completely dismissed it. We use the timing method and it has been completely successful but for some reason this time I didn't say pull out, usually DH just does but for some reason this time he didn't. I was slap bang in the middle of my cycle and had noticed fertile mucus but wasn't really that concerned because it had taken months of TTC with both my boys.

Anyway, fast forward a couple of weeks and we had a positive pregnancy test and I/ we have never felt so confused in all our lives. We wanted a 3rd but the timing is so bad with finances and to make matters worse I just got offered a promotion in work THIS WEEK! I never would have taken a risk if I knew that was on the cards - not that my work would impact on any decisions we make but it is my dream job, I mean dream job!!

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, I'm so scared and confused. Every time I come to terms with it I mention it to my husband and he freaks out again! We even mentioned a termination but really don't think I could do that, although he said if he knew I was ok with it he might suggest it (what do you do with that?). I'd always wonder and think about if this is my girl.

I feel so, so guilty for this child and awful that it may come into the world with parents that aren't on board with it. How could we have been so stupid and irresponsible at our age!! I feel ok one minute and then end up in tears!

Just wondering if anyone else has been in this position and how you coped

JanTheJam Wed 06-Jul-16 06:21:35

Oh Kody flowers

DD2 was our surprise dc3. Dd1 was 3 and ds was 1. We weren't sure if we wanted more but our family didn't feel quite finished. We had just decided we wouldn't have more when I fell pg in the same circumstances re lack of contraception.

We both cried, we both worried, dh lost his job a few months later and we relocated across Aus.

But DD2 is my magical, wonderful dear delight and I love her more than I could imagine. Three is bloody brilliant - far easier than 2 IMO - but you can feel a bit out numbered at times.

But this is me and my family. If you don't go ahead with the pg that's fine too. You must do what is best for you.

Good luck.

JanTheJam Wed 06-Jul-16 06:22:06

Oh and I'm totally done at three and Dh just had the snip.

Kody12 Wed 06-Jul-16 07:25:52

Thanks JanTheJam,

I know this is our baby now, there isn't another option he/she will complete our family but it's so hard having such negative feelings. When I saw the positive result I was ok and even happy but when I told DH his negative response threw me and then with the job offer I've ended up all over the place.

After reading your post I've just remembered that DH freaked out with ds1 but loves him dearly now so I'm sure it'll be the same this time....hopefully. Thanks, good to hear that it worked out for you!!

JanTheJam Wed 06-Jul-16 09:10:24

DH has always reacted in a not thrilled and freaked out way. Even when we were actively trying. I think it's going from abstract to reality that throws him. He's still a great dad.

I totally get not having support either. Are you in a place you can pay for help? I know financially you said things are tight. Do you have a written budget/track where money goes? Not trying to pry but we were always, always broke in Asia. It wasn't until we moved this last time that we got on top of things because we had to.

dizzyfucker Wed 06-Jul-16 09:27:04

I was in that position. My 3rd is now 7 and I have a 4th. Life changes so much and it seems like water under the bridge now. I didn't go back to work in the end and changed jobs/direction. I cannot offer anything much because everyone's life is so different but just to say that the here and now changes so much. Are you in a country with good maternity? Will the job be available with good childcare options? When will your oldest start school? So much to think about and try to relax. These things throw us off course sometimes but other directions aren't always a bad thing. Take your time to digest and think about all your options flowers

Kody12 Wed 06-Jul-16 10:54:17

Thanks Jan and Dizzy,

Answering you both in one really. We're in Australia, no family but good friends (maybe not good enough to look after 3 kids). We have our boys in a good daycare and have a family daycare I know that I would be comfortable leaving a smaller bub in but my work is a minimum of 45 minutes away and I just can't imagine doing the commute with 3 kids & they want to trial me on a 3 month secondment first to make sure I'm right for the job (talk about bad timing!). I'm going to take the offer and not say anything because who knows what will happen and strictly I'm only just 4 weeks so most people don't even know yet!

Oldest boy doesn't start school until 2018. JanTheJam, finances are ok, we could manage the cost of daycare if I work. Before I had my 2nd boy my work didn't matter to me but took 18 months after having him to work from home for DH's business and let's just say it didn't go well (my sanity was on the edge of being lost!). I need adult company and something other than my 4 walls!! wink

We'll work something out that suits us as a family, I've no doubt, just daunting at the moment. My employers are flexible but it'll be HARD. I've only been back in the workforce for 4 months and remembered how much I love and need that part of my life.

We'll find a way to deal with the chaos, we always do. I'm just going to stay as positive as possible about it and not bring it up to DH because he brings me down. It always takes them longer than us, as like you said JanTheJam, the abstract is different to the concrete!

Fingers crossed this is a girl because living in a house with 4 boys is going to drive me bonkers!!!winkshock

Kody12 Wed 06-Jul-16 11:00:25

By the way thank you both so much. Have outsider opinions from women that have actually been through this really helps. I'm currently on the top of the roller coast where I'm fine with it all...feeling the anxious sick feeling a lot less. It'll sink in!!!

JanTheJam Wed 06-Jul-16 11:57:58

Ah, I'm in Aus too. We were in Sydney. No support at all and DS had asthma and was in and out of hospital when he was under two. We found a local woman who did ad hoc baby sitting as a part time job along with looking after her son. So great if DH was away and I had to take ds in urgently. We are in Perth which is near DH family.

I'd describe 3 as crazy but awesome. And you can make it work if you want but obviously not at expense at your mental health!

Good luck.

Grace1980 Mon 11-Jul-16 17:14:48

Hi Kody,

Was looking for a thread like this as I've just found out I'm pregnant with number 3 - literally 10 minutes ago - and am freaking out slightly. My others are 4 and 2 (nearly 3). My husband has really wanted a third for ages, and I was half on board but a little more reluctant (my second was a bad sleeper. Didn't get a full nights sleep until she was 2). We were on holiday a couple of weeks ago and feeling relaxed and happy - and here I am, pregnant. Quite nervous about how I will cope. I don't really have family to help either which makes things much harder. So I can empathise with you! How are you feeling about it now? Xx

Stickhasgrownup Tue 12-Jul-16 06:14:18

So I also found out I'm pregnant yesterday.... no idea when it happened but I guess contraception is not 100%!
I'm 38 and hubby is 44 and we have 3 children already..... and a puppy!
My youngest is nearly 6 and it's safe to say we were happy with our completed family.
Now don't know what to do! Never have I wanted 4 children yet here I am.....

WottyMcWottFace Tue 12-Jul-16 06:41:00

Take it as a gift ....., it may be hard to imagine now but fast forward 9months when your holding your beautiful baby and all your worries will be a distant memory. I was terrified at the thought of my third but now she's here she's truly wonderful and I feel so blessed. It brought us closer as a family and completed us. Neither my first or second slept and I too had just been promoted an that was the cause for a lot of my anguish, I needed the drive of my career but here I am now enjoying my mat leave getting to spend quality time with my new baby and ds2 and dd7 which is priceless! My job will be there when I go back ( ....if I do go back)
It's not easy but life's to short to worry about what ifs ... Try and relax and enjoy, DP my just be worried about change but things have a way of working out and you will manage even if it's another boy 😉

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