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Husband doesn't want our 3rd baby

(17 Posts)
lonelylass Thu 30-Jun-16 23:34:09

I have changed my name for this as I'm a regular poster. Title really says it all. I'm 6 weeks pregnant and husband is asking me to have an abortion. I'm devastated. The pregnancy wasn't planned and he never wanted 3 children. I feel I can't do it but the alternative is so frightening. He says I should content myself with what we have already and that I'm backing him in to a corner. Equally I have said I can't do it and I love him and don't want to split up our family but I can't terminate our baby. Help please.

Angrybird234 Thu 30-Jun-16 23:53:18

Don't have any advice to give OP but didn't want to read and run. Ask yourself what YOU want, could you deal with the emotional after-effects of a termination? Do you really want to stay with someone that puts you in such a difficult position - your own husband??

I was pushed into having one 9 years ago and whilst it was probably for the best it still affects me to this day. Other people manage to not let it affect them, only you know how you'd feel.

Sending flowers

Shortninbread Fri 01-Jul-16 05:33:34

I'm pregnant with a third and my husband is very reluctant and not at all excited. The hard yards of parenting the other two put a lot of strain on I guess.

I really feel for you that your husband is being so insistent about a termination. It's still very early on and could he be in shock. Could this be his initial reaction? How long has he been insisting on this?

waitingforsomething Fri 01-Jul-16 05:35:43

When did you find out and tell him? If it's recent Give a few days for the dust to settle- he will be in shock of it wasn't planned and speaking the first thing that comes into his head.
My DP reacted similarly to our first as she was unplanned. He just needed time to think

Pearlman Fri 01-Jul-16 06:38:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2yummymummy2 Fri 01-Jul-16 06:42:46

Don't feel pressured into an abortion or rush into anything. It's your choice not his.

I'm pregnant with my 3rd arm and oh says things like the novelty has worn off and doesn't seem very interested at all but once the baby is born, it's almost impossible not to fall in love with a newborn so I'm sure your husband will come round as well.

What about booking an early scan at 8 weeks and seeing the little one, that might help him bond more when he see the baby on the screen

OhPuddleducks Fri 01-Jul-16 06:53:45

Many years ago I had an abortion. It was for lots of reasons and I still believe today that it was the right thing to do and don't regret it. Feeling that it is the right thing is the only reason to have an abortion: not because you feel forced into it. I agree with the other posters - give it a bit of time. He might be in shock and the situation may change. Hugs to you OP. Make sure you are looking after yourself. flowers

mishmash1979 Fri 01-Jul-16 06:59:55

Same thing happened here but with our 4th. He was conceived 4m after baby no 3 (which took 5 years to persuade hubbie to have) whilst on the pill AND breastfeeding every 2 hours!!! We only found out at 11 weeks but hubbie wanted rid. We went along to the scan to find out how far gone I was and I had told them we might abort. I never looked at scan screen till hubbie started sobbing. We never mentioned abortion again and the only time he has made a comment is when we money was tight. IMO he will change his mind. If he doesn't do you really want to be married to someone who forces u to choose between him and HIS baby. Cxxx

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Fri 01-Jul-16 07:00:42

How did you get pregnant? I mean was it contraception failure or did you take a risk? I'm not sure it matters anyway but it's interesting to know what part he played in the pregnancy coming about

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone Fri 01-Jul-16 07:32:31

You've already said you can't terminate your baby. It's not something I would recommend personally. I honestly don't think if he's a well balanced man that he will regret it once the baby is here. Is he worried about money/other things? Most people manage even if it does change the dynamic but I'm sure you will both love the child.

My OH asked me to terminate our little boy. He already had two children and we were in a new relationship but I couldn't do it. He's besotted with him now and we had a daughter 5 months ago (not an accident)

Toofondofcake Fri 01-Jul-16 07:37:21

Oh love how awful for you so sorry you've been faced with this.

Hold tight to your instincts as if you can't face the thought of an abortion it will surely sour your marriage and cause deep regret in the future.

I imagine that when your DH sees scans, hears heartbeats, feels kicks and then meets your baby he won't be able to help falling in love.
It's really not ok for him to pressure you into an abortion but I hope it doesn't end your relationship too. If it does then he will no doubt regret that too.

Hold on and be strong and stick to your beliefs on this one. flowers

LordVoldemortsMissingNose Fri 01-Jul-16 07:39:31

Also pregnant with no3, contraception failure. We both wanted to terminate in the initial panic filled days. I went for a consultation and was asked to return three weeks later as it was too early. In those weeks we calmed down and my husband changed his stance a lot. We aren't ecstatic as such but definitely finding a level of acceptance which I am sure will turn to excitement in the end :-)

I knew a termination would affect me mentally a great deal, I reiterated to my husband that it was me who would have to deal with that fall out, not him. If it isn't right for you, you really shouldn't do it for someone else x

kiki22 Fri 01-Jul-16 07:51:54

Our first was unplanned and dps first reaction was abortion I said flat out no way (I mc years before with an ex and knew another loss would kill me) he got used to it and has been a doting dad from day 1.

It seems a fairly common male reaction I wonder if it comes from the typical male lets fix this reaction so many men have to things?

lonelylass Fri 01-Jul-16 08:20:07

Thank you so much for all the replies and support.

It was contraception failure. And I only found out and told him a few days ago.

I love my husband, he's my world. He's the best father to our boys and very hands on. He just says he is stretched with two and can't do another, he worries about money too. Once upon a time (when I wasn't pregnant) I also voiced that I couldn't cope with another but that was before I got PG and hormones and a baby came into it and I never imagined I would be in this situation.

I struggle with my mental health anyway so having this on top I feel would ruin me. I would always wonder "what if?" And I believe I will resent my husband in the future if I do it. It's a horrible feeling and on top of this all I'm really sick already.

2yummymummy2 Fri 01-Jul-16 09:11:27

Lots of places do early scans from 8 weeks and don't cost very much if you google search in your area

Seeing the baby will definitely help him come round

Book one now so that you have it to look forward to and go have a pamper day or hair appointment to try and destress

I think lots of men don't really understand being pregnant as they just can't relate

aya32 Fri 01-Jul-16 15:09:24

Hi i have recently found out im pregnant with 3rd baby i am very hubby is happy but i feel very alone and scared how i will manage with 3 children..has anyone got any tips i had a abortion in the past and this is not an option...i want to be happy i just feel numb..

Pearlman Fri 01-Jul-16 17:58:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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