Grandparents names

[Avriljen]

My MIL has been going round telling everyone what her and her partner will be called by the baby when it arrives (I'm 17 weeks just now). She hasn't discussed it with us which has annoyed me because I don't really want her partner to be called anything, he didn't bring up my husband, they got together when DH was an adult so isn't like a stepdad. We called my grans husband by his name as it was the same situation, I assumed we would just do this. I don't know if I'm just being hormonal and grumpy (feel free to tell me I am) but it's bothering me a lot that we haven't been consulted about it, I thought we would all decide together who was going to be called what. We're going to have to use these names for years.
How would it normally be decided?

[burythechains]

Well, we took the view that it was not our decision to make - entirely left it in the hands of the grandparents.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yes, you are being hormonal and grumpy.

It is not for you to choose what the grandparents go by. The grandparents choose what they go by (unless it is entirely ridiculous like Grancha/Glamma).

And I think refusing the partner a family name is petty and childish. It won't matter to your child that he isn't blood related.

[Avriljen]

Should have said - the name they have picked for him is ridiculous! I hate it but they have already told loads of people so I feel we're stuck with it now.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Okay what's the name?

[ByTheNine]

Just call them what you like, I doubt they'll refuse to engage with your child if it calls them the "wrong" name.

[DollyBarton]

I think it's up to them what they wish to be called within reason. Try not to let it upset you because it's really not important, though it feels like it now.

Also, your DPs stepfather may not have raised him but will be there as a step grandad for your baby in exactly the same way as a grandad. So I'd treat him like a grandad.

[user1463652193]

I'm going to go against most I think and say that we've decided what the grandparents will be called, though we did tell them and agreed it with them. My FIL wanted to be called G'Daddy (he may have been joking, but it was a flat no!!).

[Avriljen]

I don't want to say the name in case I offend anyone else that is using it, it's not something I have ever heard of and I really don't like it but I'm sure someone must be using it and love it!
I also want to point out that I get on really well with MIL and her partner, I'm not trying to exclude him but just don't like the way it's been done.

[RaeSkywalker]

My take on this is that DH and I can decide what we want to be called (at least until the baby is old enough to decide for itself), so the grandparents should be extended the same priveledge.

I understand your feelings about MILs partner, she has probably overstepped the mark there. At least she's not suggesting 'grandad' though!!

[RaeSkywalker]

I suppose the other consideration is- how involved will they be? For example, if you're expecting them to look after the baby whilst you work, the name probably reflects how big a role he will play in the baby's life, and you might want to let this slide to keep the peace.

[Avriljen]

Thanks for all the replies, I definitely know I'm being a bit unreasonable! We would have preferred a conversation about what everyone likes, we wouldn't just demand they are called something they don't like, but it would also have allowed us to say no to any suggestions we didn't like. Too late! I know I'll just have to put up with it, I don't want to hurt her partners feelings, I know he'll be great and is really looking forward to the baby arriving. They won't be watching baby while I work but will def be involved in its life and I don't want to cause upset so early on!

[socktastic]

My MIL has come up with something a bit odd which neither me nor my husband think is the best idea but since it's her choice we really have no say in the matter. I'm sure we will get used to it. It's important to her and I doubt the wee one will really care!!

[RosieTheCat]

My nan got together with her partner after my dad was an adult, they've never married, he had nothing to do with raising her kids, he's known as "Gampy" to us grandkids as he felt awkward using grandad as he's not related to us but wanted to be part of our family could this be a reason he's picked a different name?

though I will admit at almost 30 I feel a bit daft calling him that but its his choice and I love him

I go by a nickname as well, most people have no idea of my real name, family have never had an issue with me being auntie rosiethecat but that's because it my choice what I'm called, I think it's really just up to the individual family members to choose what they get called as long as it's not something like second mummy and you'll just have to deal with it

[CharminglyGawky]

My mum has always stated her preference on what her grandchildren will call her, I have known it for at least a decade and I am only in the first trimester with her first grandchild now! It is a personal choice for her as she was very close to her grandmother and wants to be called the same, I don't see it as my choice.

My MIL is known as a different nickname to her other grandchildren and so I am assuming will want to be known by that name with this one as well.

Mil's partner can chose if they want to be known by their actual name, a nickname or what. They didn't raise my husband but they are very much a part of the family now and will be a main part of the child's life. As such I will treat them as an equal grandparent!

[TheCrumpettyTree]

It's up to grandparents what they get called. You don't get to veto their decision.
Our conversation went like this

Me: What do you think you'll be called?
DM: Not sure, maybe Nana/Granny/Grandma etc
Me: Ok then

There you go.

[ChatterNatterer]

I'd be the same as you! My mother's husband was less than a stand up guy and got my sister calling him dad within 5 mins of moving in with my mom - so I was adamant my children wouldn't refer to him as grandad, sadly he's passed away so we won't know what they would have called him but I would have been as peeved as you if he had announced a name!