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2 weeks before I'm due and partner of 5yrs has walked out

(94 Posts)
Stephy90 Thu 16-Jun-16 19:28:30

Don't know why I'm here really, I just feel lost. Been with my partner for 5 years, bought a home together and agreed it was the right time to try for a baby. I got pregnant shortly after and he was more excited than anything, we were both overjoyed. About a month ago he started acting strange and working a lot of overtime. Despite numerous attempts to talk to him about it, I got shot down and told that this pregnancy must be affecting me strangely, that I was imagining it. Turns out this 'overtime' was in fact spent with a woman he'd met at work. Suspected nothing prior to last month. We had should a wonderful relationship prior to all this. Came home yesterday after a 3 day stay with family who live hours away to find his wardrobe empty and the majority of his possessions gone from our home. Was left with nothing but a long note explaining he'd met someone else, couldn't 'do this' anymore, he would be uncontactable and that he was so very sorry. I feel like someone has ripped my heart out. I'm totally numb. Just 2 weeks until it should have been the happiest day of my life and now this. What the hell do I do?

SugarMiceInTheRain Thu 16-Jun-16 19:32:33

I'm so sorry you're going through this and that your now ex partner is such a scumbag, even more so for trying to gaslight you into thinking you were imagining things. I haven't been through this but hope you have someone IRL to turn to. Be kind to yourself thanks Can you go back down to family for a bit, or could one of them come up to stay with you?

One plus side - at least you don't have the hassle of bagging up all his belongings and chucking them out the window!

Princesspinkgirl Thu 16-Jun-16 19:33:36

Goodness so you have family friends who can support you

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky Thu 16-Jun-16 19:35:03

Oh my goodness. What an awful thing to come home to! What an utter shit he is. How can any person want to be with a man who would walk out on his wife just before she had their first child!?!?!

Do you have any RL friends or family you can call to come over?

SugarMiceInTheRain Thu 16-Jun-16 19:35:13

On a more practical note - do you share finances or are they separate? You will be able to claim Child Maintenance (or whatever it's called nowadays). Presumably both your names are on the mortgage, so he will still have to pay his share of that until things are settled.

Handsoffmysweets Thu 16-Jun-16 19:36:52

Well I'm just going to come out and say it....what an absolute fucking lying cheating piece of shit scum bag this man is.

You must be in a state of shock OP and the next few weeks/months will be raw and emotional, coupled with the joy/tiredness/overwhelming feelings that a new baby brings. Do you have support in RL? You're really going to need it. When he says 'uncontactable' do you think he means for good or just for a while?

Oysterbabe Thu 16-Jun-16 19:37:33

I would ask for this thread to be moved into relationships, usually some good advice to be had there. flowers

chocfireguard Thu 16-Jun-16 19:39:47

Couldn't read and run. That is the most cowardice way that he could possibly have handled this. I am so sorry, op, that you are facing this. You have a lot to think about, on both a practical and emotional level. Firstly, finances...he must be accountable to pay some sort of maintenance??(hopefully someone will come along who knows more about that). Can you maybe trace him via his friends, so that he doesn't fall off radar for that? What on earth does he intend doing about the house you own together, ffs??? As for baby, he doesn't deserve to share something so precious sad. Have you any close friends or family who can be with you during labour and after?? flowersflowersflowers

MumUndone Thu 16-Jun-16 19:41:09

That's terrible, I'm so sorry. Please lean on your family and friends as much as you can, focus on getting ready for your baby. This is going to be such a tough time but you will get through it. I can't imagine what you must be feeling but eventually you will see that you are better off without someone so selfish. Please be kind to yourself. Can you get someone to come and stay with you?

MyLlamasGoneBananas Thu 16-Jun-16 19:44:22

Bloody hell. What an absolutely selfish git.

And a coward. He won't even discuss this with you. That is shitty.

I really feel for you. I know it's awful to think practically at such a traumatic time but how do your finances work? Is he jointly responsible for the mortgage etc. Have you checked any joint accounts? Did his note mention any practicaliries at all?

Awful that this is. You need to try and get the ball rolling on these matters now before your baby arrives.

Scoopmuckdizzy Thu 16-Jun-16 19:44:49

Shocking that he didn't even have the decency to tell you to your face. Are you able to rely on family/friends to support you?

Stephy90 Thu 16-Jun-16 19:46:56

Thank you everyone, I just never ever imagined this could happen sad unfortunately my family and friends are all quite far away (7 hour drive) as we relocated to a new area together 7 years ago for my partners work. It just so happens that my partner grew up in this area so when we came to live here he knew quite a few people and even has some family members here. My only friends in this area are our joint friends and over the last few weeks they have all been acting strangely towards me. Yet again my partner pointed out it was all in my head but now it all makes sense. They all knew sad

Crispbutty Thu 16-Jun-16 19:48:37

I'm so sorry. What a selfish nasty piece of work he is. And if this other woman is aware of the circumstances then I hope the pair of them find no happiness at all. Take care of yourself and let everyone know what he has done. He deserves no support and I hope his family are there for you too. X

Gazelda Thu 16-Jun-16 19:49:47

Stephy do you have any workmates? have you told your midwife?

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 16-Jun-16 19:50:56

They knew and they were funny with you not him?! I would be moving home to have the baby around family and friends.

Stephy90 Thu 16-Jun-16 19:50:59

I haven't plucked up the courage to tell any of my family or friends back home yet. To be honest I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I've been telling them all throughout the pregnancy how happy and excited we are, how in love we are and meanwhile this has probably been going on the whole time. I feel so stupid. Going to try and pull myself together and call my mum tomorrow to tell her. I know she'll jump straight on the plane to come and support me

ladamanera Thu 16-Jun-16 19:51:01

What a crap hand to be dealt before your baby's birth. Go home to your parents house if you can. Stay somewhere completely different and loving and where you can get the support you need wiyh people who will be excited about your new baby. Best of luck x

Helloooomeee Thu 16-Jun-16 20:00:47

flowers Please do not feel ashamed or embarrassed. What sort of an arsehole would do this to someone?! You need support right now, tell your mum and take it from there but do not isolate yourself. The next few weeks are going to be the hardest but you will get thorough them.

Long term, I would suggest you think about moving back to your family and friends, be selfish and do what is best for you and the baby!

bevelino Thu 16-Jun-16 20:01:11

This is outrageous and he cannot leave you in the lurch like this saying he is going to be uncontactable 2 weeks before your due date. What is your partner going to do about supporting you and the baby? I wonder if he has told OW that he is about to become a father.

I hope you have close family and friends who can support you through this.

CinderellaFant Thu 16-Jun-16 20:03:28

Your mum sounds ace, and exactly what you need. You don't need that arsehole in your life. You and your little baby, fresh start. flowers

WellErrr Thu 16-Jun-16 20:07:27

Wow. What an utter utter cunt.

I'm so sorry OP flowers

But it's good in the long run that he's done this before the baby is born. You're not going to be sat at home with a newborn still being gaslighted and questioning everything.

You know where you stand now. You know how absolutely fucking LOW he is. So you can plan. You can plan a life away from him, for you and your lovely baby flowers

I second asking for this to be moved to Relationships.

hippydippybaloney Thu 16-Jun-16 20:16:43

I'm so sorry, that's awful.

Uncontactable? Does he really think he can just walk away from his obligations to the child he helped make like that? Utterly disgusting.

Whatsername17 Thu 16-Jun-16 20:37:36

Call your mum now. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. He is the one that deserves to feel embarrassed and ashamed. If i were you I'd contact his family and ask that they get a message to him that he needs to sit down and talk to you about what his plans are towards his child. The last thing you need is him turning up and demanding to see the baby. Get your mum with you asap. He is a shit.

Petal40 Thu 16-Jun-16 20:43:11

Get yrself home and fast....transfer all Drs notes to yr mums hospital...move in with mum.send a relative to collect yr need to go home honey and need yr families support x

MyLlamasGoneBananas Thu 16-Jun-16 20:43:50

Devina8call your mum. Get her to come down and help sort some practical stuff then whilst she's here have a long hard think about going back home with her. You don't have to have your baby where you are now. You could go "home" and have lots of support and consider where you want to be longer term.
Be selfish. Don't consider him.anymore. Do what suits/works best for you right now. He didn't give you a choice or option so you certainly are not obliged to give any say in what you choose right now.

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