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Do we have to wait for post-mortem results before TTC again?

(20 Posts)
Kayals Wed 15-Jun-16 11:00:56

Hi, me and my husband lost our baby Joseph at 39 weeks... 2 weeks ago.

We have to wait 3 months for the full post mortem results, but were told after some tests done on me, that it was likely to be placental abruption as our bloods had mixed.
All I want is a baby, I had the most perfect baby with Joseph but he was sadly taken from us. I'm heartbroken but I still want another baby and feel empty not being able to be a mum.
Am I mad? Wrong to want to TTC as soon as I can?

ohnonotanother1 Wed 15-Jun-16 11:07:51

I don't know the answer to the tests question but no you're not mad. What a truly shitty thing to go through. Love to you all x

Pinkheart5915 Wed 15-Jun-16 11:15:02

Me and dh lost our baby Emily a few years ago at 30 weeks, we did indeed wait for the results as you don't know if they will find anything and if they do could help you in next pregnancy.
Also you need to give yourself time to grieve, I know that desire for a baby but you have to deal with the lose you have had. It is normal to feel empty after something like this it is part of the grieving process.


Pinkheart5915 Wed 15-Jun-16 11:17:29

After 2 weeks you will be very raw still, have you considered contacting SANDS ? They offer a lot of helpful services and they were very kind and helpful to me and dh.

bessie84 Wed 15-Jun-16 11:19:10

aaww hun, i couldnt read and run.

everyone is different, but i think (personal experience) you'd be better off waiting so you know some answers, hopefully. AND to take time for you to grieve AND for your body to heal a bit too.

i lost my very first baby at 41 +3 (girl, 9lb 3oz) and felt the same, i just wanted a baby, we ttc straight away, bam - was pregnant 5 months later. (boy, now ds 10) it wasnt the same, i really regret rushing in and doing it so soon. altho i do adore him, i neglected my physical and mental health and it wasnt easy.

make sure you have people to talk to, grieve, take it easy, this is still so raw for you.

do what you feel is right. sending hugs. x

Alb1 Wed 15-Jun-16 11:25:41

I don't have much helpful advice but we lost our DD at 35 weeks at the start of May and also want to TTC as soon as possible so I understand how you feel. We knew what caused our DDs death and that it is extremely unlikely to repeat so it was different for us though, it also meant our results only took 5 weeks (didn't have a postmortem jus placental and amniotic fluid tests) but it was really useful being able to chat to the consultant about what happened and what care we will receive next time, it put me at ease slightly so I think it's probably worth waiting. Does your hospital have a bereavement midwife that you can phone and ask about it? I don't talk to ours very often but she's great at answering my questions like that

Puggleface Wed 15-Jun-16 11:46:32

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son kaylas. I lost my son at 36 weeks last October. The pain is still raw. I like many of the other woman on this thread and you am desperate to have another baby, its such an animal instinct isn't it? Its like it takes over everything!
My advice would be to give yourself time to grieve and give your body time to heal. I personally had a C-section and my son died 5 days after he was born. Regardless of mode of delivery, your body will have and will still go through so much over the coming months.
Be kind to yourself and take all the help that is offered to you.
lots of love xxx

Quodlibet Wed 15-Jun-16 22:06:23

Really sorry for your loss.

Kayals Fri 17-Jun-16 13:58:32

Thank you everyone x

eastcoastmum2014 Fri 17-Jun-16 14:17:40

No experience, I just wanted to send my condolences to you and your husband. Look after yourself and talk to your gp about which charities might be able to help you. Sending lots of love from one mummy to another xx

Kayals Mon 27-Jun-16 16:02:35

Spoke to my husband he's made me see we should wait until we have the results and answers to our questions. Still very raw but the funeral helped us take another step forward.
Just going to focus on getting healthy and time with my husband.

3littlebadgers Mon 27-Jun-16 16:13:33

So sorry for your loss op, there is a thread running called the rainbow cave for women who are pregnant after a loss. It was a life saver for me.

My rainbow baby is 22 weeks old now, my angel was born sleeping last March at 40 + 5 there is 10.5 months between them.

I found getting pregnant gave me something other than the grief to think about but as soon as I found out I was pregnant the grief came back as did this massive amount of anxiety that steadily increased as the weeks went on and the stakes got higher.

Only you and your partner can decide what is right for you but please when you do go ahead look after yourself and accept all of the support you can. Do not be afraid to let the midwives etc see how vulnerable you feel they will be only too happy to support you.

I wish you all the best and I am happy to answer any questions you or anyone else had about pregnancy, birth and parenting after a loss, no matter how obscure. flowers

sepa Mon 27-Jun-16 16:23:40

I'm so sorry for everyone who has lost a baby. flowers

I'm not sure that anyone can tell you if it's right or wrong to start trying again. have you discussed it with your husband?

Kidneybean2016 Mon 27-Jun-16 21:21:26

So sorry for your loss x

Kayals Sat 02-Jul-16 11:02:52

4/5 weeks on I'm really wanting to try again. I don't think I can rain myself in...lets be honest my husband won't say no to naughties.
I know that what happened to Joseph is very unlikely to happen again from what test results we've had back. I know I want a baby not a replacement. I am fit and healthy... Well a stone to loose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.
Please tell me if anyone regretted trying so soon after loss?

hopinghopefullyagain Sat 02-Jul-16 11:12:37

Our first baby was stillborn at 32 weeks. She had previously been diagnosed with a chromosome defect and we knew still birth was likely. We too desperately wanted a baby but always knew that our daughter would never be replaced. We knee that her syndrome was very unlikely to be repeated, it was just bad luck. We didn't want to wait to ttc because it took 4 years the first time and I'm already 35. We decided to try straight away and I got pregnant the first month. It was the right thing for us but has still been incredibly hard. We are still grieving for our daughter and have been more anxious about this pregnancy. But it was undoubtedly the right thing for us. However we had 3 months before she was born to start to come to terms with her loss and we were both on the same page. Whatever you decide won't be easy. Please be kind to yourselves, take whatever support you can and be as sure as you can

JellyBaby26 Sat 02-Jul-16 18:27:46

So sorry for your loss

I had a daughter last may who was born with some serious issues and we were led to believe she wouldn't make it when she was taken off her ventilator etc. I remember sitting in NICU and I said to dh I need to have a baby and was desperate to be oregnant again despite not knowing what caused dd's illness/disease/still don't know what to call it.

Any who she is still with us but we started ttc a second child as soon as was physically possible as I was still mourning the loss of a healthy child. We were told we may never know what happened to dd and it could definitely happen again but I was still desperate for a healthy baby.

Anyway we had a second baby who is seemingly healthy. Im so glad we tried again. You need to do what's right for you. 3 months can seem a lifetime to wait and if it was me I'd try again but I am super impatient.

Best of luck flowers

AprilSkies44 Sat 02-Jul-16 19:55:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

April241 Sat 02-Jul-16 22:09:28

I didn't want to read and run, just wanted to say i'm so very sorry for your loss flowers

Kayals Thu 28-Jul-16 14:56:34

I'm still waiting for AF (nearly 9 weeks on)... anyone else have to wait this long?

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