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Elective C section? VBAC? Disabled child and no idea what to do

(14 Posts)
WorstWeekNotCoping Wed 08-Jun-16 17:20:22

I need some opinions! Please!

When I got pregnant this time, I was blissfully ignorant of the birth situation. I pictured myself having a lovely home birth with DS pottering about. In my (stupid) head. I thought that if I'd had one horrible birth odds were that this one would be easy.

However, when I had my first midwife appointment and found out that due to the absolute horrific mess that was DSs birth, (failure to progress, stuck baby, fetal distress and emergency c section) a home birth wouldn't be safe at all.

The consultant offered me the choice between an elective section and a VBAC. She said she would fully support me either way, but if I went for a vaginal birth then she would have me on the monitors the entire time and have me closet watched etc. So I have to make this decision, however she wouldn't sway me either way, neither will the midwives so I've no idea what to do.

To add to the complicated mess, DS has severe complex needs, which means I can't just dump him on any random friend, people who care for him have to be trained to do so. Fortunately, DSs dad and his partner are very supportive and said they will have DS for 3 days, the day of the birth and two days after, they would have to take this off work unpaid.

Unfortunately, work have said he has to book this in advance.

From what I've read, they will only give you the c section dates at 36 weeks? If this is right I don't think this will be enough time for him to get the time off work.

However, if I tried for a natural birth and things went wrong again and I needed another EMC , this would be even worse as DS would have no care in place and I would be gone for 3 days.

What would you all do? Does anyone see a solution I can't? Thanks in advance for reading what's probably the most boring thread in the world

Whatsername17 Wed 08-Jun-16 17:47:39

My sil had a planned c-section after a very traumatic birth with her first. Honestly, seeing the difference in her after dnephew was born compared to dneice was amazing. She just looked so well. The birth was so calm and she coped so much better after. Only you know what you want, but do not be put off by the negativity that surrounds c-sections. The main objective is a healthy baby and mum. I was very close to an emergency section with dd but ended up delivering naturally. If i was told this time to have a section I'd do it in a heartbeat. Dd's birth was wonderful, but seeing how brilliant sil was after her section I'd just trust the medical staff and go for it.

WhereTheFuckIsMyCunt Wed 08-Jun-16 17:59:22

I think if you explain the situation to them there is no reason why they can't give you a date now if you choose an El lscs. I'm a supervisor of midwives and if a woman contacted me with this problem I would move heaven and earth to give her a date as far in advance as possible.

ElspethFlashman Wed 08-Jun-16 18:01:07

Gosh in your situation I'd have an elective all the way. Far too much stress otherwise.

Cluesue Wed 08-Jun-16 18:04:54

Would there be someone at home after the birth to help with both children for a good week at least

WorstWeekNotCoping Wed 08-Jun-16 18:08:38

Hi everyone thank you for responding. I have help after the birth. There are loads of people wanting to help and as long as I'm there to shout instructions in case of an emergency DS is fine with other people so that's not a major issue. It's going to be a pain as my due date means he'll be going back to school around the birth but that's something he'll just have to deal with bless him.

Do you think they would give me a date earlier on if I explained? I'm seeing them next week so I will ask. I don't want to seem like I'm not able to cope. When the birth is over I'll cope fine. I love being a mum and DS is very lovely and an easy child in all ways other than medical.

WorstWeekNotCoping Wed 08-Jun-16 18:12:13

Sorry to hear about your sil whats... I was very poorly after DSs birth and was largely on my own due to me and DSs dad being not much more than children and DSs dad being horrendous back then. But he's brilliant now, I'm very lucky to have his support (now he's an adult and not an older teenager dealing with a stressful situation)

I wouldn't want to go through that again myself to be honest. It wasn't nice at all.

SeashellHoarder Wed 08-Jun-16 18:18:57

I would go for the ELCS too.

Sanch1 Wed 08-Jun-16 20:15:28

They can't tell you that you can't have a homebirth. They have to tell you the risks so that you can make an informed decision. Look into NICE guidelines and the AIMS website. If after researching and considering the risks you decide a homebirth is best for your situation then NICE guidelines state that your NHS trust has to support you. You could also speak to your SOM, supervisor of midwives. Good luck with whatever you choose.

Mummyme87 Wed 08-Jun-16 20:18:58

Nothing much to add but elective CS are done after 39/40 unless there is a medical indication to do earlier

JellyBaby26 Thu 09-Jun-16 06:29:46

I had an ELCS last Friday and I too have a disabled child. I got my date at 36 weeks but I'm sure you could request it earlier. My consultant was very understanding with most things because of dd's condition.

I would have another elcs without a shadow of a doubt. The healing part has been fine for me and I am able to half look after dd. Can't quite lift her up yet but won't be long!

bessie84 Thu 09-Jun-16 08:09:02

i got my date at 32 weeks this time due to childcare issues, so im sure as hell theyd give you a date. x

WorstWeekNotCoping Thu 09-Jun-16 08:27:22

Thanks everyone. I'll ask about the date then. Hopefully they'll be understanding. I'm sure they don't actually want to be trying to find emergency care for a very poorly child either if I go into labour at home thinking about it.

Definitely not having a home birth after hearing the risks. I'd much sooner us all be healthy than anything else, that's all that matters to me really. Would have been nice but it's only a birth.

LBNM19 Thu 09-Jun-16 23:59:10

Hi, my oldest son is severely disabled, he has to be left with nurses.

When I had my 2nd son the hospital were very supportive and gave me the date for my elective C section very early so I could arrange nursing care for a fews days. Everything went to plan.

I am pregnant again and I expect the same thing will happen I will have another elective c section.

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