Issue with partner -am i being unreasonable?(7 Posts)
I am 26 years old and 22 weeks pregnant with a little boy (our first.) Ive been with my partner on and off for two years, hes significantly younger than me, only 21. I love him and on a "two young carefree people" level we get on great. I was generally quite a relaxed girlfriend of the "people can do what they like as long as they dont negatively affect others around them" mentality before i fell pregnant.
The pregnancy was a total shock to us and my partner initially wanted me to abort because we werent ready to be parents, wasnt the life hed imagined for himself etc etc. When i realised i couldnt live with myself going down this path there was a period where i wasnt sure whether hed stay or go. I always said the decision was his and didnt want to pressure him into a life he didnt want. My decision to keep the baby would remain with, or without, his support.
He came to the 12 week scan and since then has been largely supportive (with the odd wobble.) On the whole he has come around to the idea because he says he loves me and wants to be with me (and baby now theres a baby.)
However he is so young and silly in his thinking sometimes i cant help but wonder if wed be better off without him sometimes. Todays instance is only one example, i need a frame of reference to tell if im being unreasonable (-its possible at 22 weeks pregnant )
Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day and some of his friends all decided to pull sickies at work to sit in the sunshine (age 21 and carefree i may have been tempted to do the same once upon a time.) He mentioned that hed wished he had also done that after work to which i raised the point it would be a bit irresponsible in our position...
This morning he point blank didnt want to go to work. I was a bit scathing as i knew he wasnt ill and essentially told him not to be so lazy. He went in the end, in a huff with me for daring to chastise! At lunchtime we spoke briefly on the phone where he was very grumpy because it was sunny outside, he had no lunch (because he hadnt packed any.) And it had been a shit day. A couple of hours later i got a text to say he was at home, hed left half way through the day because his boss's friends had been bossing him about, it was a bad atmosphere and it was a sunny day.
As a 22 week pregnant girlfriend working full time who will shortly be relying on him as primary breadwinner while i do the sahm thing (if a single mummy id apply for state help to top up my earnings) my natural reaction to this is to be angry and actually quite upset/disappointed that hed do something so short sighted, immature and selfish. I didnt actually say any of those things when i confronted him about it, just that i was disappointed and that i felt it wasnt pulling his weight for the team. Sometimes you just have to put up with shit days at work because its your job and your committed to going...
His opinion is that its none of my business and that he was well within his rights to walk off if he didnt want to be there anymore. And it wasnt the only job in the world anyway so even if he did get sacked (which he wasnt) it wouldnt matter.
He's incredibly immature and unreliable? which you know. question is, can you tolerate it long term?
random ? that first sentence was a statement not a question.
He is just a immature young lad. Prob not ideal father material if I'm honest.
Oh the situation is faaaar from ideal! As i said, it wasnt planned by any means. None of this was an issue when we were a two people unit but my main concern is now with being a fabulous mummy and giving the best life i can to my little sprog.
Yeah that's really immature behaviour and it would worry me. On the other hand he might really wise up when the baby is born and the reality that he is a dad and needs to put his family before his own whims sets in. If it doesn't, then you may well be better off without him.
He hopefully might surprise you and change when baby comes along and really step up for you & baby and if not you move on from him and concentrate on you and the baby.
Baby will be fine with a loving mother if he don't step up to the mark so try not to worry too much, you don't need extra stress in your pregnacy
Good luck xx
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.