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When did you tell people?

(16 Posts)
MrsH987 Tue 07-Jun-16 20:34:50

I found on at the weekend that we're having our first. we're only 2-3 weeks along. We decided not to tell either set of parents despite seeing them both as we wanted to enjoy a few days to ourselves. We think we're going to tell both at the start of next wee as we will be seeing both sets again and may be few weeks till we see my family again. (MIL lives in same city as we do but my parents live 1.5 hours drive away) I'm meeting friends for drinks at weekend so she will figure it out when I don't actually have a drink.

I have my first doctors app this week as i was off work before finding out so in convenient.

We don't plan to tell siblings until we hit the 12 week scan. Everyone else will be after.

How does everyone decide when to tell people?


Ellie06 Tue 07-Jun-16 20:46:35

We found out at 3+3 weeks and have only told a few close friends so far. Currently 6+4, going for an early scan at 8 weeks, if everything fine will tell parents after that. Want to wait for 12 week scan before we tell anyone else.

Marshpillow Tue 07-Jun-16 20:50:29

We told our parents at 5 weeks because I was already being sick. Friends I told from 10 weeks as and when I saw them (unless I couldn't hide my sickness from them.) DH told his boss at 14 weeks.

BonesyBones Tue 07-Jun-16 20:54:29

I am 10 weeks today and have only told SIL who also happens to be my best friend. Planning on leaving everyone else until 20+ weeks if I can hide it that long.

quitecrunchy Tue 07-Jun-16 21:04:51

Congratulations on your pregnancy! We waited until after we'd had a private scan at 11 weeks to tell parents (I didn't think I could handle their disappointment on top of my own if I miscarried early on). I actually wish now we'd waited until after our proper dating scan and screening tests as immediately after we told them they were bursting to tell other family members and making me feel guilty that they couldn't share their excitement, so we ended up caving and telling the rest of the family before we really wanted to. I did tell my best friend at just 6 weeks though - I knew I'd want her support if it didn't stick.

Tinklypoo Tue 07-Jun-16 21:11:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeashellHoarder Tue 07-Jun-16 21:18:02

First pregnancy 15 weeks before we told anyone even our parents, second pregnancy 12 and this time 11 weeks as we've just got NIPT results back and clear. But I've been very lucky mostly with just nausea and not much vomiting - would have been very difficult to hide otherwise.

MrsH987 Tue 07-Jun-16 21:21:54

My husband had initially suggested waiting til 12 weeks to tell parents but if something did happen I think I would need to my mum to know. And if we were to tell my mum and MIL found out later that she wasn't told the same time it would cause a fight.

My worry is that she doesn't keep it to herself until we're ready to share it with everyone else. Her nephew recently had a child and her sister didn't tell her until the baby was born. Also my 15 year old sister had a baby 18 months ago and we didn't tell her until after the baby was born. (At the time she had been saying some very unpleasant things about my family so neither me or my husband wanted to hear what she would say as they would be unpleasant and judgemental)

We just want to keep it quiet until we're ready for the world to know.

SeashellHoarder Tue 07-Jun-16 21:45:10

In your position I would consider telling only your mum and swearing her to secrecy. She need never say she knew from 5/6 weeks.
I would hate to tell MIL and then be worrying who else is she telling.

quitecrunchy Tue 07-Jun-16 22:33:12

I'd second what seashell said. Tell only who you want, and only when you want to!

smellsofelderberries Tue 07-Jun-16 22:35:28

I told my whole family and my two best friends, and DH's family really early, between weeks 4 and 5. A few other close friends who knew about the miscarriage I had at Christmas, before 12 weeks, everyone else after 12 weeks. We're telling people as we see them though, not made any announcements or anything.

The reason we told my siblings and DH's parents so early is because last pregnancy, the first they knew of it was when we found out it was going to be a miscarriage, which was really stressful for everyone. We needed the support and had to cancel a lot of Christmas plans.

I'm also terrible at keeping secrets!

CharminglyGawky Tue 07-Jun-16 22:43:51

I told my mum and dad about 4 days after the BFP when I was about 4 weeks. It seemed very early but they were visiting and in all likelihood we wouldn't see them again for a couple of months and I wanted to tell them in person.

It was the right decision as I have had their support which has been lovely. Struggling with morning sickness and still chatting with friends as if everything is great because they don't know is HARD! At least I could phone my mum and moan about how poorly I felt blush

I'm now 8 weeks and have an early reassurance scan tomorrow after that we will work out when to tell MIL. Again we want to do it in person and they live hours away which is a pain!

Surely your MIL would understand if your mum found out first? I think most people get that sometimes you just want your mum's advice and support! My MIL is a lovely and reasonable women though...


Salene Tue 07-Jun-16 22:46:11

Told family and close friends both times as soon as we found out so like 2/3 weeks pregnant

socktastic Tue 07-Jun-16 22:50:18

I told my mum and dad quite soon after we found out. They live in the same town as us and we see them regularly. However, we decided to tell my partners family at Christmas time as we'd had our 12 week scan just a fortnight beforehand. They live a bit further away and since we were spending Christmas with them it seemed like the best time to do it. My mIL wasn't bothered at all that my mum already knew although we didn't really make a point of it. Aside from that I told my best friend who was also pregnant at the time.
As for a proper announcement or anything on Facebook I was about 22 weeks before revealing to the world. I'd told everyone I wanted to tell face to face before that.

ThinkPinkStink Tue 07-Jun-16 23:07:46

I found out at 5 weeks - and the three weeks before we told anyone were the longest of my life!

I told my mother and my business partner at 8 weeks - by that time it felt like the pregnancy was a bit more 'established' (I can't explain why I felt that, I just did). I knew my mother would be thrilled, and needed to explain to my business partner why I looked and felt so goddamn awful.

We told a few friends in the following couple of weeks (primarily those who we would feel comfortable having a difficult conversation with should the worst happen).

We told the wider family and friends at 12 weeks after the dating scan.

We also did a Facebook announcement (which is very much unlike us, we're usually pretty private) at 22 weeks - I guess we were just too excited and wanted to tell the world.

I don't think there's a right time to tell people, it's just what you feel comfortable with, and being aware that although there is a far greater than average chance that everything will go swimmingly - there is always an element of risk.

Many congratulations!! flowers

MrsH987 Wed 08-Jun-16 08:53:51

Thanks to everyone for all their thoughts on this. Either way we're sure our families are going to be happy and thats the main thing. X

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