I am 19 weeks pregnant and not in the best personal circumstances, but trying to make the best of it, as it were.
This morning I had a fight with my ex (the father)- one of those awful ones which comes out of absolutely nowhere, leaves you stunned and confused and not having any idea how it happened.
I'm usually a pretty placid person, some might say too nice and too accepting of other people's shit. But after almost a year of being fucked around by this guy I am finding it increasingly difficult to have any control of my emotions.
Anyway suffice it to say, he said something really cruel and hurtful to me this morning (about a wedding he's going to in a few months and how he's going to "find the hottest girl there and bang her"- hurtful because he knows I'm not over him and our relationship yet) and I just lost it. Blind rage.
I threw my coffee cup, screamed that he's never given a fuck about me or the baby, called him a c*nt, threw over the clothes horse (full of clean laundry) and stormed out, slamming the door, to hyperventilate and panic-cry. It might not sound like much, but I really frightened myself. It's not me. At all. I just got so angry. White hot waves of it. How dare he talk to me like that? And I totally lost control. I could feel the adrenaline pumping for ages afterwards and it took a long time and a lot of sobbing before I calmed down.
This isn't the first time it's happened - last time was when he told me he cheated because I was fat, and I ended up screaming at him and breaking a knuckle punching a concrete wall. Again, so unlike me.
I suspect I need professional help but I cannot get an appointment for a few weeks. In the meantime- am I having a breakdown? What should I do? Any coping strategies? Am I going to be a terrible, awful, shouty, angry mother?
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i really scared myself - help :(
7 replies
Thelittleredhead · 04/06/2016 14:36
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