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Should I end my pregnancy?

(13 Posts)
Stressyhead86 Fri 03-Jun-16 09:57:26

Ok this is a long story that I will try to shorten, I'm here due to my big dilemma as I don't know where else to turn.

I'm married to my husband of 2 years have 2 children from a previous relationship ages 6 and 9 my eldest is Autistic and also suffers with ocd and tourettes. The past year has been difficult husband lost his job and since then our relationship seemed to go very downhill arguments daily and he shut me out completely even though I tried my best to be as supporting as I could.

This year it go so bad I had had enough as he had turned very possessive if I went out anywhere and I kind of rebelled against him and shut myself off too. 2 months ago we seperated he moved out to stay with a friend and although we were civil I honestly thought that was it and we were done.

So then came my mistake I suffer from awful anxiety and depression so quite a fee times I invited friends over for coffee as I really struggle to be alone especially of an evening that's when I'm at my worst. One evening a male friend came over to chat and have a drink and after a few hours of chatting and drinking one thing lead to another. I immediately said it was a mistake and I didn't have any feelings for him and we both agreed it was stupid and I wasnt ready for another relationship.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago when I discovered I was pregnant I had taken the morning after pill but clearly this failed and I was defo pregnant.
I was honest with my husband and sat him down and told him the truth he asked if we could go to counselling and see if we could rectify our relationship and I was in complete shock that he would even contemplate getting together after what I'd done

So now I'm here 6 weeks pregnant living back with my husband babies father wants nothing to do with me or baby my husband can't have kids due to a vasectomy and I don't know what to do my children are difficult at the best of times constantly arguing and with my eldest issues I know I would struggle how do I explain to friends and family the few that know have pretty much dishoned me due to my infidelity and I've tried speaking with my gp he won't prescribe anything for my anxiety which is at its worst. I don't know if I should continue with my pregnancy or end it to save a lot of ppl my husband included heart ache and stress. I'm not looking for sympathy I accept I've done an awful thing but I honestly don't know which way to turn.

Jelliedeels Fri 03-Jun-16 10:05:01

Take a step back, how would you and your husband feel about having a baby?

Maybe if the father does not want to be involved and your husband can accept he won't be paternal father then it's worth considering keeping baby.

Stressyhead86 Fri 03-Jun-16 10:15:08

We have obviously discussed raising the baby together which he says he's sure he would love and want the baby but we also know that our relationship is already very unstable and we have a long way to go for us to be goof again. My fears are that the stress would be too much for us to manage with what we already struggle to deal with. My anxiety is also very bad I'm very worried something would go wrong and I know I'm not in the best of health as it is a bit over weight and trying to get off smoking I also suffer with sciatica and gastric's just one thing after another 😞

PacificDogwod Fri 03-Jun-16 10:17:39

Are you certain the baby is not your DH?

If the pregnancy was your DH's, how would you feel about continuing or terminating it?

If you had a miscarriage tomorrow how would you feel - relieved or upset?

I think you need to separate the sexual infidelity from the fact that you find yourself with an unplanned pregnancy.

Msqueen33 Fri 03-Jun-16 10:21:41

That's a difficult one. If the worst case scenario would be your left raising all the children alone how would you feel? I've got two kids with autism and one whose nt and it's bloody hard work. It really sounds like your marriage isn't in a good place and a baby by someone else could cause further issues down the line. Hugs.

Stressyhead86 Fri 03-Jun-16 10:25:07

My husband had a vasectomy and our intimate relationship has been put very much on hold currently.

I think if I miscarried tomorrow I would be relieved that I didn't have to make this awful decision I'm so very torn

crje Fri 03-Jun-16 10:27:32

I would end it and focus on looking after yourself , your children & your relationship.

PacificDogwod Fri 03-Jun-16 14:28:13

You do not sound torn - upset, yes; unhappy, yes; faced with a hard decision, yes.
But to me you actually sound like you know what the best forward for you is.

Stressyhead86 Fri 03-Jun-16 16:12:39

The reason I feel very torn is down to the fact we wanted last year to reverse his vasectomy we saved up almost all of the 3 grand we needed and then the car went bust and we had no choice but to use our savings we said then that it wasn't meant to be. So it's not like we weren't open to the idea of having a child and now the opportunity is right in front of us but it seems to not only feel wrong because it's not my husbands but with everything else on top be yet again the wrong time I'm 29 so I know I still have time in the future to save up and if life improved be a better time all round but I'm one of those ppl that worries if I gave up this pregnancy that I'm being un greatful and would I get the chance again.

leica Fri 03-Jun-16 16:15:46

You poor thing. I agree with crje: it's not the ideal time to have a baby.

Iflyaway Fri 03-Jun-16 18:08:31

Bottom line is could you bring up your 3 kids alone...?

If you can do that, everything else will fall into place. (LP myself, 25 years).

Pearlman Fri 03-Jun-16 20:31:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Britnyspears Fri 03-Jun-16 21:52:23

I can't answer the main question you have but just wanted to say don't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes and you were feeling alone, confused and were separated from your husband. I am sorry your friends are judging you so harshly at this difficult time. Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide.

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