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Pregnancy announcement - how did it go? Convince me it will be OK...

(10 Posts)
magnificatAnimaMea Mon 30-May-16 06:29:19

How did your pregnancy announcements go? If it was disastrous, did things recover?

Currently 15wks pregnant, all seems fine with the pregnancy; DH and I are putting off any announcements until our hand will be forced at 21 weeks when DH's parents arrive for a visit.

DH's parents will likely be polite, but probably a bit angry that they haven't been told earlier, and probably angry that my parents also haven't been told. My parents haven't been told because they will go nuclear. They think "people like me" should be forcibly sterilised or forced to give up children for adoption. My mother has hated me since before i was born; my father finds me a massive embarrassment. I have mild ASD, ADHD, and depression and am otherwise a perfectly normal, functioning adult.

Three things:
(1) DH will not go no contact with his parents. His parents refuse to believe that my parents are not the perfectly lovely, reasonable, intelligent people that DH's parents would like them to be - and thus frequently try to play happy families with my parents, and get bemused and hurt when my parents behave revoltingly. Thus, while I have as little to do with any of them as possible, I am not currently in a position to completely avoid fallout from either set of parents.

(2) I can't escape/hide when DH's parents visit. Even if I had any reason to "be overseas" - and everyone knows I don't have any reason, because I'm a full-time student and we haven't got the sort of money that would make me going on holiday overseas even faintly plausible, we are begining to accumulate baby stuff as various friends grow out of things like prams and highchairs. So there will be no hiding it; our house is small. And we'd eventually have to tell them anyway.

(3) I am on a waiting list for talking therapy at our local hospital. Funnily enough I think I might need it.

HoldTheDoorHodor Mon 30-May-16 06:50:40

Why would you want your H to go NC with his parents when it sounds like it's your parents you have an issue with?

HoldTheDoorHodor Mon 30-May-16 06:53:03

Sorry. Posted too early. Reading what you've said your parents are unsupportive of you. Ok, his parents can't see it but do they spend quality time with them, it doesn't sound like it.

As for your parents going nuclear, unless you are under 16 then really it's your look out. Too much of that nonsense and you aren't going to let them around much when their grandchild is here.

I'm sorry you are worrying so much at what should be a lovely time.

magnificatAnimaMea Mon 30-May-16 07:03:43

It's more that DHs parents will take it out on me, when DH's parents decide to play happy families with mine, then my parents go apeshit and behave like idiots.

I can see rough waters ahead for our marriage when DH's parents are telling me my parents' behaviour is my fault, and DH probably won't want to disagree with his parents.

So - like so many on MN - i have a DH problem, a PIL problem, and a parents problem. Oh and my sister will predictably behave idiotically as well. She has been well-trained by my parents to believe i am a subnormal embarrassment - but based on past form will also likely believe that I'm having a child in order to cheat her out of her rightful inheritance.

Gah. sad

icklekid Mon 30-May-16 07:09:52

I think you and dh need to explain to his parents bow excited you both are to be having a child. If they mention your parents close down the conversation quickly. It is worth seeing if your dh can have a conversation saying you have had a disagreement with your parents and would appreciate it if they kept their distance. Do you all live very close? As for your sister you can choose to share the good news that she will be an Auntie and see how she reacts or just leave it until baby is here. If she is negative you just don't see her much.

I hope you have good friends around who can support you both as it sounds like your family are hard work flowers Congratulations by the way!

WhizzPopper Mon 30-May-16 07:14:04

Why are your pil so involved with your parents? Dh and my parents have probably seen each other 5 times in our ten year relationship.

Could you not maybe tell them over the phone earlier so the news has settled by the time they come to visit?

magnificatAnimaMea Mon 30-May-16 07:24:23

My PIL had parents who came from totally different social circles (moneyed intellectual elite; uneducated struggling blue-collar). They see it as absolutely "the done thing" to socialize with my parents, despite the fact they actually probably don't like my parents much (mine certainly have little good to say about PIL, but mine have little good to say about anyone or anything) and they all have little in common apart from what university they all went to, and what social circles they mix in.

I guess we can tell them earlier, but that will just start WW3 earlier.

I just have no idea what to say as the dust begins to fly. I've always avoided conflict by removing myself, saying nothing - but this time I will be right in the centre of it - trying not to get stressed - and in a few months I'll be fighting my child's corner as well.

Willberry Mon 30-May-16 07:48:22

OP I feel for you in this difficult situation. In my experience the things we are dreading doing are rarely as bad in real life as we build them up to be in our head beforehand. I hope this is the case for you.

I suspect that your husbands parents will feel disapointed to be finding out so late on, but its your choice when to tell them. You could tell them you wanted to wait to find out all was ok at 20 week scan before anouncing your news, or you could tell them the truth. That you don't want your parents involved with this pregnancy/child and were worried that they would tell them. His parents have no right to be angry that you haven't told your parents thats nothing to do with them. You could explain if you feel you need to that you did not have a happy childhood and you want your parents to have minimal contact with your child.

stupidbloodyjob Mon 30-May-16 08:33:17

Jeez, they all sound like shitheads, I'm sorry you are going through this OP. It sounds like whatever happens your parents will be horrible so just do what you need to protect you. And ...

Congratulations!

HoldTheDoorHodor Mon 30-May-16 08:40:29

Oh. I can see how awful that is, and especially so when pregnant. You definitely need your DH on board. cake I'm giving you cake for not getting it first time and because you can't have wine.

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