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pregnant at 44.

(33 Posts)
AprilSkies44 Sun 29-May-16 13:05:15

hello.
im an old timer on here but not used mn for a long time.

I am almost 10 weeks pregnant with my third child however there is going to be one heck of an age gap.......(25 years and 19 years to be precise) and this baby is with a different dad.

I am trying very hard not to worry about the negatives and the risks involved and it would be so lovely to hear from other older mums because quite frankly, although im delighted, im bricking it.....

ive got a scan coming up and then ive decided to have the serenity test (or similar) to test for chromosomal abnormalities but until thats done i cant stop worrying and im trying so so hard NOT to google.

at my booking in appointment the first thing the midwife said was "wow you dont look your age!" and i FEEL fabulous. ive always felt age is a number.

are there any other older mums or pregnant mums around for a bit of hand holding?

sandgrown Sun 29-May-16 13:13:33

Hi I had my son at 45 with a 21 year gap. No problems except blood pressure went up a bit. I did have the amnio. Everybody loves him. I worried that he may suffer from having older parents but we are quite " young" and his older siblings are like a second set of younger parents so he also gets to do younger things if that makes sense. Only two years between him and my oldest grandchild and they are great friends. Enjoy it x

SusanAndBinkyRideForth Sun 29-May-16 13:14:22

Well I'm 42 and pregnant with dc3 as well - but dds1&2 are only 4and 2! grin

I'm struggling a bit as dc2 still wakes several times a night, I have SPD/PGP, acid reflux, and only just finished teaching full time on Friday, so the SPD has really been a problem at work and at night.

But saying that, I can't see that I'm any more tired than other mum friends with similar age gaps and complications who are 15 years younger. The only difference is they are not keen on me having a home birth, and I have to see a consultant once.

I have just spent 2 hours scrambling round a soft play centre helping the 2yo chase her sister (which I'm sure I will regret later when the SPD complains grin) but I think having young kids keeps you young. Just wish I had kids who slept!! brew grin

SusanAndBinkyRideForth Sun 29-May-16 13:18:13

Oh and my odds on the triple test gas improved each pregnancy from 1 in 1000 with dc1 to about 1 in 6000 with this one smile

AprilSkies44 Sun 29-May-16 13:18:53

thank you.

i think ill relax more once ive had the serenity testing (well - hopefully. im praying everything is ok)

my daughter took it very badly to begin with but now is wanting to be involved, come to scans and things, my son is very laid back but lives abroad so wont be that involved but he is happy for me.

ive had mixed reactions although have only told a handful of people.

im not it feels real even to me just yet and im scared of getting attached in case something goes wrong.

AprilSkies44 Sun 29-May-16 13:22:27

i had home births with the others and i have discussed the same for this one.

my midwife was incredibly supportive but obviously im keeping an open mind.

and i might well be moving house in the midst of all this so may swap midwives too....

ive got less than a week to wait for the scan and if that confirms im over 10 weeks (which from my dates i am - i kept very accurate notes!) ill have the serenity.

im still a bit in shock - i was only off the pill 2 months.

AprilSkies44 Sun 29-May-16 14:47:07

this is literally starting again although the advantage is its like having the first again i suppose.....not having to run about after little ones while coping with tiredness and sickness.

the age thing didnt enter my head but ive had some very negative reactions from some people. one relative exclaimed ill be 60 at the school gates and how will i cope with menapause while running after a toddler....i didnt expect such negativity so ive been very careful who i speak to now.

has anyone in my position had the non invasive blood testing for chromosomal disorders? ive decided to have it but its a double edged sword.

Grizzer Sun 29-May-16 17:58:15

Congratulations April. I'm 43 & have 5 month old ds. I love it, especially being off work for 6 months - it's gone far too quickly.
My blood tests came back as 1:25 for downs so my hospital automatically send the blood for the genetic test. That came back as 1:105 so I was still told to have an amnio. I didn't have it because anything over 1:100 is negative for downs so that was good enough for me. I did worry a little during the pregnancy but ds is perfect.
You might not be high risk even with the age factor.
Ignore the rude comments, it's no one else's business. Hope you have a lovely pregnancy.

AprilSkies44 Sun 29-May-16 18:41:06

thanks grizzer
its lovely to hear positives from other older mums. some of the reactions from friends/family have been quite hurtful, and id go so far as to say i got some bollockings from some quarters.
once my scan confirms im over 10 weeks im booking for the serenity - the turnaround is 3 to 5 days - its just a constant niggle - is everything ok...

i really didnt expect to get pregnant again. this really will be my last and my dps first so just anxious. want to get the bloods done and get to 12 weeks then i will breathe.

Marquand Mon 30-May-16 10:24:51

Hey,

Congratulations AprilSkies! I'm 43 and expecting DC3 at the end of July. The other two are 6 and nearly 4.

I was very nervous until the abnormality scans were done, but once they showed all (that can be detected) is normal, I relaxed. At least with your age gap you won't have to deal with the anxiety of being replaced.

Of course, there are the normal worries about whether everything will be ok, money, dynamics between siblings, and how I will remain sane with three little ones and a full time job, but that hasn't changed much between the pregnancies.

EllenDegenerate Mon 30-May-16 10:34:02

I've no experience of having babies in my forties but just wanted to wish you good luckflowers

Im sure you'll be wonderful and i hopeyou have a Very uneventful pregnancy

AprilSkies44 Mon 30-May-16 12:55:31

thank you. x

JessieMcJessie Wed 01-Jun-16 09:48:38

I will be 43 when my baby is born in August. First one. We were all set to have Harmony but the NHS screening at 12 weeks came back low risk- 1:1200, which isn't of course as low as many younger women get but was still well outside the NHS guidelines for further testing. I really hadn't expected that.

I am just ignoring all the older mother shit (which to be fair, for me is in media only; people IRL are very supportive.) sorry your family are being so negative about such wonderful news- we had to have IVF and it is an amazing thing to conceive naturally at 44.

Mishaps Wed 01-Jun-16 09:54:06

That is lovely! This lucky child will have 4 parents! It was certainly like that with mine, even though the older ones were only 6 and 8 when the baby arrived - they looked after her and had great times with her. And when she got old enough to go clubbing etc. I knew I could send her off happyily as her older sisters would have killed anyone who tried to take advantage of her in any way!

queenoftheboys Wed 01-Jun-16 10:02:08

Congratulations April! I had DS4 at 43 ten years ago - didn't have your age gap though - had just 5, just 3 and 18 month DSs too. I had lowish risk bloods/scan, but had amino anyway because the baseline risk was so high and I just wanted certainty. That's just me though.

The pregnancy itself was completely uneventful 'til right at the end when I was induced on my due date because my blood pressure had gone up and movements had stopped. Fast labour (20 mins from first pain to baby out!) with no painkillers. All very straightforward.

No problems coping after, exhausting obviously as you'd expect with 4 very young kids, but fine. I don't feel out of place at the school gate at all - older mums are the norm around here, you'd stand out more if you'd had kids in your early 20s!

So all positive here! Good luck!

OldFarticus Wed 01-Jun-16 17:27:11

I will be 41 when I deliver DS1 in December and I have never felt better. We still have a frostie (I fell pg after my first frozen IVF cycle) so I have not ruled out dc2 either yet! You're right, it's only a number!

Average age of first time mums in a vair posh area near me is apparently 42. Worry not. flowers

OldFarticus Wed 01-Jun-16 17:28:15

And forgot to say - sorry - NIPT testing confirmed risk of trisomy disorder was 1:10,000. Yay!!

AprilSkies44 Wed 01-Jun-16 19:51:06

thank you for the replies - im finding this massively reassuring so thank you.

only a couple of days till scan so quite excited! im pretty sure this will be my last (said that last time 18 years ago!) dp undewent ivf with his ex so this baby is a little miracle and i really didnt think it would happen.

i feel really well. better actually than when i did it all in my 20s. just want the blood tests done and then hopefully i can really start to get my head around it all!

PeppasNanna Wed 01-Jun-16 23:46:13

Good luck April & please keep the thread updated.

Will be thinking of you!flowers

kittybiscuits Wed 01-Jun-16 23:50:00

Congratulations and good luck. What a beautiful thread.

malvinandhobbes Thu 02-Jun-16 10:39:28

Congratulations!

My third baby is due right around my 42 birthday, and my older boys are 10 and 12, so I have a big gap too but not as big as yours. The NHS is not worried at all, and I've not had any problems in this pregnancy at all (currently 32 weeks). I've never found pregnancy easy, but this third pregnancy is much easier than the second. I think this is because I don't have a toddler. My older boys are very excited and help out a lot. It is very sweet when they offer to carry the groceries, etc.

I am looking forward to this. First babies are a bit terrifying, and while my second baby was a dream baby I did have two in nappies at the same time. This third baby won't scare me, and I can devote my full attention to her. This pregnancy feels like a lucky indulgence. Another baby after I thought we were done. It is lovely.

(I had the Panorama test at 9 weeks. That was very helpful for peace of mind).

shabbychic1 Thu 02-Jun-16 18:59:32

Hi aprilskies, congratulations. There's a thread - pregnant at 40 and above, on this board and it's lovely.

shabbychic1 Thu 02-Jun-16 19:00:49

Here's the link www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2507140-pregnant-at-forty-and-over-thread-2 flowers

5BlueHydrangea Thu 02-Jun-16 19:05:02

Well done. I have 18 years between my DD's. my eldest adores my little one (now 6). She is a bit like another Mum but without the responsibility! They have so much fun together. Massive life change having another baby with that gap but its worked out really well for us.

jollyroger2 Fri 03-Jun-16 09:04:34

Hi AprilSkies

Stumbled across your post just now when looking for a hand-holder myself! Relieved to find you and hear other stories. I'm 44 as well, about 9 weeks pregnant and feeling anxious about screening /trisomies etc.

I've just booked the Harmony test for 10 weeks. Worried though as I've also been feeling pretty awful throughout the pregnancy so far - I had a cold / chest infection that has still not completely gone away after three weeks and feel really exhausted. Scared these might be signs that all is not well!

I've got one DD who is 2.5. Conceived this baby (and last one) naturally but was something of a surprise having had a MMC last year at 10 weeks and then giving up trying after a while.

Lovely to hear reassuring stories from others and to find another expecting 44 year old!

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