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Help! I don't know if I'm ready for this...

(8 Posts)
Babybrain123 Sun 29-May-16 00:46:26

Hey everyone.
I'm 28 weeks pregnant and I just don't know if I am ready to be a mum or not yet (I know how crazy that must sound).
My pregnancy wasn't planned and although I am in a loving and supportive relationship, a baby wasn't really on the cards for at least another couple of years.
My partner is 3 years younger than me, and most of the time this doesn't make too much of a difference but recently he has started to tell me how worried he is about being a father and I can really relate to what he is saying.
I'm so scared about when the baby comes.

PILProblems Sun 29-May-16 01:23:24

Hey! I'm also 28 weeks pregnant, congratulations on being constantly kicked in the bladder! grin

This is my second DS with DH.

I fell pregnant at 19, at the time, me and DH were 'friends with benefits' and had been since we were 15! We'd never been in a relationship, we were just best friends who loved and cared for each other, and had sex quite frequently blush

When I found out I was pregnant, he was actually in a relationship with another girl and although he ended that, it wasn't really because of me. I'd love to say he dropped everything to be at my side, but he totally freaked out.

The minute he held his son for the first time, he was hooked. It was like all those years of use denying just how much we loved each other vanished. He moved in with me, and was the most amazing Dad in the world. He still is! We got married a year later, and are still madly in love and crazy supportive of one another.
That's the most important thing about raising a child, it's not 'how ready you are personally for a baby', but how ready your relationship is.

You and your DP already seem to have better communication than most the women on mumsnet. That's a HUGE positive!
Keep this up, keep talking about your feelings, keep laughing with one another. Have date nights where you don't talk about the baby, and plan date nights where all you do, is talk about the baby!
You're 28 weeks, you have time to think about adoption, if that's something you really want. But keep communicating. Talk about why you don't feel ready, and try and combat those fears.

I read a stupid, and cringe worth quote a while back, but it's really helped my anxiety over parenting. Basically, 'Parenting is the hardest, yet most simple task to do. It's like pushing a 20 tonne Boulder up a very steep hill.'
I took that to mean that, although parenting is super super difficult at times, it's also something that comes naturally and if you give it time.

Hope my 1am rambling helped in some way! Good Luck OP flowersflowersflowers

Afreshstartplease Sun 29-May-16 06:33:08

The vast majority of first time parents feel like this at some point, it's perfectly natural. Have you told him you feel like this too so that you can support each other?

KP86 Sun 29-May-16 06:44:55

Even the people who planned and planned for their baby ask themselves why on earth they did it at least 100 10 times once the little one arrives. It is a hugely life changing event, but in a mostly positive way!

skankingpiglet Sun 29-May-16 10:47:57

Totally normal smile
DC1 was unplanned but DH and I had been together 7 1/2yrs when I found out I was pregnant (married for 2). We both wanted children in our future, and were 30 and 41. We were over the moon at the 'surprise' but still had many moments of panic and doubt: Are we doing the right thing? ARE WE READY FOR THIS?! I don't think anything really prepares you for it, but we were as ready as we'd ever be in hindsight! I think you'll find the adjustments easier than someone who feels they are totally sorted for it tbh (if those people exist) as you're aware there are unknowns. You'll find yourself more capable than you ever thought possible.
I'm 35wks with DC2 now and still ask myself the same question of if we've made the right decision, despite the pregnancy being planned. The reasons are different; ready to be a mum as I think I've done ok for the last 2yrs, but still worry about the impact on our and, most importantly, DD's life. I figure it's too late to worry about it now! grin

ItsyBitsyBikini Sun 29-May-16 10:55:23

Totally normal! I'm 39 weeks and constantly worrying that I'm not ready/I'll be a rubbish mum/how the hell am I going to get through labour? You can't really prepare for a baby, no matter what you do; classes etc, you'll always find out something when they've arrived that you never knew or thought of!

You have a loving and supporting partner, I'd speak to the mw about any major fears you have (I did that and she put me at ease) and once you have a birth plan, don't dwell on it. I've only just done my birth plan (as I put labour out of my mind until last week) and DP and I had a lovely conversation and a bit of a joke about it. Put me at ease and made me realise that although we are both shit scared of what's coming, there is no one else in the world I'd rather have doing this completely scary thing with me.

Good luck! You can do this smile

pandora0 Mon 30-May-16 01:48:07

I had days of feeling like this when I was pregnant with dd, it's a horrible gut wrenching feeling isn't it, just not knowing if you're doing the right thing or if you're ready to have a tiny person who will depend on you for everything. My dd will be turning 4 months this Saturday and I have absolutely no regrets at all! She's an amazing gorgeous little person who I created (that's the part I can't get my head around) of coarse you'll have days where you just wish it could all go back to before you had the baby, you'll lose a heck of a lot of sleep and probably feel like a zombie for the first few weeks/months BUT you'll look at your child with pure love and you'll just know your life wouldn't be the same without them, you'll stare at their little face while their sleeping and wonder what you did to deserve this beautiful gift, you'll wake yourself up from a deep sleep to check they're breathing and only then will you truly know what unconditional love is. Enjoy the next 12 weeks of pregnancy and peace because your life will be turning upside down in 3 months time but I would bet my money on you not wanting to change it for the worldsmile good luck with everythingflowers you're very normal to have these feelings, everyone does

Babybrain123 Mon 30-May-16 18:10:45

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling better about it all having read your thoughts and advice. I'm glad I'm not the only one that is feeling/has felt like this.
I'll try talking with my partner this evening and hopefully we can pull together!

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