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Missed miscarriage Monday - not coping

(9 Posts)
Jellybellymoo Fri 27-May-16 02:01:31

On Monday during my shift at work I started to get some bleeding (11 weeks into pregnancy) not much but enough to concern me to contact midwife. I was sent down for an early scan which confirmed the loss of my baby which stopped growing at 7 weeks. I went through what I can only describe as the hardest moment of my life when I had to come home after having the pills to induce effectively an early labour and pass my tiny beloved baby. I feel traumatised still and I know it's early days, I have one very healthy little boy (nearly 2) who I appreciate so much and has been a god send during this really hard time. Although emotionally I am struggling, I am lucky to have so much support but nobody who truly understand what I'm going through. I can't eat, only have the odd snack to stop the shakes, I can't sleep and find myself taking the strong pain killers I was given to help with miscarriage pain before bed to help me sleep. I completely understand this is not ideal but I am desperate for rest! I just wonder when this pain is ever going to come to an end! I feel I will never get through this. I appear fine to people around me until I am alone and my thoughts take over. I guess I am looking for someone who has experienced this and has seen light at the end. If you have taken time to read this thank you, just looking for some support through a really tough time xxxx

ICJump Fri 27-May-16 03:57:23

I'm sorry. Really sorry. Losing a baby is just awful. Big hugs

Sundressandsandals Fri 27-May-16 04:12:19

I've been where you are twice, albeit more than ten years ago now. I am so sorry that you're going through this. You will feel better, but you have to allow yourself time to grieve and that does take time. I found that writing in a journal how I was feeling helped - even though I don't want to go back and read what I wrote (it's just too painful) - but somehow committing those feelings to paper validated them and made me feel I had some sort of toehold in the churning mass of sadness. Wishing you strength and comfort xx

Whatsername17 Fri 27-May-16 06:32:19

I was in your exact position in December. I went for a scan just before Christmas so that we could tell parents on Christmas day. I was 11 weeks but baby had died at 7+4. I've been diagnosed with PTSD after being forced to go through a natural mc because it was Christmas and the hospital had no staff so refused tablets or d&c. What I can tell you is that what you are going through right now, all of your feelings, is totally normal. You are a mither who has lost her baby. You are allowed to grieve for this baby, be angry and have your whole world turn upside down for a while.You must seek help though, if it all gets too much - have you been offered counciling? In the meantime, consider doing something to mark your baby's passing. You need to be able to grieve. I did a couple of things that have helped. I bought a plant and wooden planter to bury my baby in (it happened at home so I had no choice but to bury my baby really). A plant might be a nice way for you to go and remember your baby. I bought a 'make your own' teddy bear that I stuffed and put my positive tests and scan pictures inside. It was £8 from amazon and is probably the most helpful thing ive bought. On my dark days I hug the bear and sob my heart out and it helps. I also bought a garnet ring which I wear - garnet is the birthstone of January which was when my baby was 'born'. I have something of my baby with me forever now. You are in shock. Allow yourself to feel. Do not try and 'get over' this, things won't be normal for a while. You will heal but you need to take some time. I found a lot of support in the miscarriage forum on here. Feel free to send me a message if you are struggling. Do not suffer in silence and take a look at support groups on Facebook such as 'Saying Goodbye' and 'Tommys'. Saying Goodbye run memorial services for lost babies which can help with the grieving process. I am so sorry for your loss flowers

positivity123 Fri 27-May-16 07:11:32

It's the hardest thing I have ever been through and I wish you all the best.
When I went through it somebody told me that it's because the body is an amazing thing and that it knows when something isn't right and it just stops growing so you can stay strong. Be kind to yourself, treat yourself to some nice stuff, allow yourself to wallow but know that you WILL get through this. You'll come out the other side a little bit bruised but stronger. flowers

socktastic Fri 27-May-16 08:03:50

I'm so sorry this has happened. You will get through this, just trust in that fact. It will be hard and it will take time but everyday will be a bit easier and the pain will fade. There may be times when memories are jogged and they are hard too.
Take care of yourself and make sure you've got people around you who will support you and don't be afraid to cry or even just talk about it with them.
This happened to us last year and it was horrible but things got better and I'm now 5 weeks away from welcoming a very big very active little boy into the world.
flowers xx

BugPlaster Fri 27-May-16 09:15:48

Sending love. Some good ideas for memorial items in pp.

BakingBunty Fri 27-May-16 22:02:31

It is so hard, and my heart breaks for you. You WILL get through it. I had two MC in quick succession when DS was 2. I felt guilty for being so upset when I already had a child. As others have said, take your time, allow yourself space. Don't feel you have to see people. Be prepared that people can say some pretty crass and stupid stuff... It's not that they don't care, they just don't know quite what to say, or how it feels.
We decided to sponsor a child to remember the ones we lost. It has really helped.
I now have a beautiful DD who has completed our family. Whilst I will never forget the babies I lost, I can't help but feel that without the agony I went through, I wouldn't have DD. And I can't even imagine that.
Stay strong. You will never forget but you will learn to cope. Thinking of you.

Jellybellymoo Sat 28-May-16 00:13:23

Thank you for your replies, it has been really comforting to have support and also to hear others experiences and that in time things will get easier! I guess my mind is constantly playing on the 'what ifs' and I feel like there's a gaping hole missing that the baby should have filled. We have decided we are going to frame our scan picture of the baby along with a poem both me and my husband like and put it up on the wall. We haven't had a burial for the baby as unfortunately as much as I passed the baby at home I was traumatised by what had happened I couldn't even bear the thought to look, my husband took care of things and I feel a huge sense of guilt for not trying to look at the baby or wanting to see what it looked like but I just knew I wasn't strong enough for that and would have made the process 10 times harder for myself! I'm so glad we have our little boy but I am so terrified this is going to happen again. My husband doesn't want to try again soon as he is still grieving this baby as I am. I just feel like there's a huge pet of me missing that needs replacing. I just hope in time we are both ready to try again and hopefully will never have to go through this another time. I feel so sad for those of you that have suffered this more than once, you don't truly realise how hard it is until you have experienced it and my love goes out to all of you xxxx

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