Today I found myself looking at the most positive-positive pregnancy test I think you can get, short of a guest appearance by an annunciating angel. This fetus is exactly 25 days old, it is a complete surprise, it somehow made its way into existence across contraception... and its first 25 days have been Fucked Up.
It started its first week of existence bathed in lead paint chipping as its parents tackled the renovation of an old house. Although I wore a mask, gloves, etc, this is very much not recommended in the pregnancy websites. It also experienced quite a lot of solvent exposure with nearly every brand of paints and paint thinners that has a big scary label on it. Oven cleaner, nitromors - if it had a scary label, this fetus has had it all.
In its 25 days of existence I got drunk twice, drank unreasonable amounts of coffee and ate a lot of undercooked soybeans (long story). if there is anything you are most definitely NOT supposed to do in the first trimester, I did it. Twice. My husband and I were even joking "it's a good thing we're not pregnant" as we read the warning labels on chemicals.
Just to ice the cake of regrets I walked straight into a bollard on the street while talking to a friend and have a perfect bollard shaped bruise right over my stomach, having been punched poisoned and drunk it's frankly a miracle this poor fetus has any energy left to come up positive on a test, but I missed a period and here it is, a great big blue plus sign.
Now, it's a big surprise but I'm feeling pragmatic about it. Since I've been doing everything as wrong as possible, it might miscarry. Depending on how frazzled the poor thing is it by its traumatic three weeks it might even have to be terminated. But I'm also thinking about this logically and I'd like to do what's best for it. The poor thing is clearly a trouper.
Surely other parents have fucked up their first months? I can't be alone in this, surely?? Help me, Mumsnet... all the mums I know had complicated conception journeys involving IVF or emotional struggle as they tried so hard to get their baby, and then they became these perfect shining Mummy types who didn't eat soft cheese for nine months. And here is my soft-cheese-gobbling self with a fetus, asking for reassurance that I might not have COMPLETELY fucked it up. But I mean we all got here somehow right??
I should book in some kind of viability scan, shouldn't I? Are the doctors just going to scold me? I'd like to be a bit prepared for it if so...
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Pregnancy
Well, I've completely ballsed up its first month!
Cynthesizer · 25/05/2016 19:04
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