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He's giving me mixed feelings about pregnancy!

(10 Posts)
RaeKapoor Thu 19-May-16 19:02:51

We've been married together for two years now and as much as he loves talking about how much he wants children (as do I) we've not gone through with it just yet.

However, I'm now 2 months pregnant (completely unplanned) and he knows but he doesn't seem to do much about it. His behaviour is a lot worse. He's ignoring me, he's out late until night with his pals and he's planning on going on holiday for 10 days with his pals too in a few months.

This is stressing me out! I haven't got parents and his aren't in the same city so it's difficult and weird because I rarely see my in-laws and my mother in law doesn't particularly like me. We've tried talking it out but it doesn't seem to help. He refuses to go to professionals to talk about it and find another solution.

Yesterday I told him I need some space and he didn't respond and just took off.

I was wondering if anyone else is going/went through the same thing. I have no idea what to do. Any thoughts? It's tearing my apart sad

Thanks in advance smile

Redken24 Thu 19-May-16 21:01:24

what do you want him to do? he seems to be acting like a normal person who isnt pregnant.

KayTee87 Fri 20-May-16 22:17:33

Redken you think it's normal that her husband is ignoring her? Really?

Op has he said he's not happy about the pregnancy? It might just take him a while to adjust. Did he discuss the holiday with you or just go ahead and book it without telling you?

Emilyyyy Fri 20-May-16 22:52:42

Last year I found out I was pregnant (unplanned) and my boyfriend was horrible to me, accused me of planning it, his mum kicked us out until I got rid of it (she didn't particularly like me), my boyfriends friends decided it would be a great idea to shout abuse at me at a train station calling me every name under the sun to the point where they got refused travel and nearly got arrested... best part of it all- my boyfriend stood and watched and didn't intervene until at least 15 minutes into the abuse....
Even with all that I decided to keep the baby (I miscarried in the end sadly)
My point is men deal with it in different ways, I'm now pregnant again and my boyfriend has said he'll support me no matter what, but has still been quiet so I'm in a little bit of a similar situation and don't know how to get him to open up.

Maybe he just sees it as an opportunity to live his life before the baby comes along- some men have this warped view that life stops totally when a baby comes along.

God I ramble on!

Lovelydiscusfish Fri 20-May-16 23:26:43

Sounds very stressful. Congratulations on your pregnancy, btw - that is the most important thing.
Has he said at all what he feels about the pregnancy? In my experience, some men struggle with their partner's pregnancy yet go on to be great fathers. Others remain rubbish after the baby is born. What is your gut feel here?

RaeKapoor Mon 23-May-16 19:30:50

Thank you KayTee87! Redken's negative energy is not something I'd like to be dealing with right now. He's always been excited about having kids! He loves children to bits and when I told him about the difficulties of getting pregnant in general he said to me "don't worry we'll make it happen". He's also always talked about how he would take care of me if I was pregnant but now I find that so hard to believe. I'm really not too sure about what's going on in his head. I try talking to him about it but he just dismisses it. Also, he booked the holiday and then told me about it. I feel like he's trying to get away from me! I asked him if that was the case but he said I'm over exaggerating

I'm sorry to hear that Emily, how awful and inconsiderate! I wish men could read minds and see how much us women go through with pregnancy. Congratulations too! I hope everything goes well and smoothly for you!

He doesn't talk about the pregnancy, lovelydiscusfish sad it's what hurts me the most. All of this talk about being pregnant and how amazing it would be for him to have his own children is a blur. He's missing the 3 months scan for some festival he planned to go to with his mates, he's going away for over a week when I will be about 6 or 7 months pregnant and he refuses to talk about the pregnancy!

Am I doing something wrong? I'm off to see a consultant tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm trying to keep my cool by meditating and staying occupied with hobbies and my job of course. I just wish he'd open up to me about this. It kills to see him like this

Thanks a lot for the support smile

bringonthrsummer Mon 23-May-16 19:56:00

Exactly the same however we already have 2 children together! He didn't come home on Saturday night and hasn't spoken to me since. I refuse to to rise to it as it's always me that has to make things up when I've done nothing wrong. I'm nearly 19 weeks now, we never discuss the baby or anything! Know how you feel X

Redken24 Tue 24-May-16 06:10:58

op - not sure why u took msg as being negative... ?

emily is totally right when she says men do deal with in different ways - maybe its not feeling "real" to him right now as he isnt the one with morning sickness, nausea , tiredness etc

sorry he will miss scan - that is really shite - hopefully he realises that he should be there, always another time for festival xx

VoldysGoneMouldy Tue 24-May-16 06:16:34

This person is not your partner. He is not treating you with respect, or as an equal in any way.

The ignoring you, planning things like holidays then informing you, the deterioration in his attitude towards you - these are all red flags for abuse, which starts and escalates a lot during pregnancy.

Focus on you, what is best for you, and what you want from this situation, as he is not in any way thinking of you.

KayTee87 Tue 24-May-16 07:45:34

I still think even with men dealing with things differently it's bad form to book a holiday without discussing it with your wife and to not be there for the first scan because of a festival. I hope he comes round op and realises he's being an idiot flowers

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