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Lonely, isolated, depressed

(6 Posts)
FellOutOfBedTwice Mon 16-May-16 10:21:22

I'm posting this for some words of wisdom or if anyone else has any stories really that might reassure me I'm not losing it.

I'm 27 weeks pregnant with my second. Have a DD who is almost two.

Have had hyperemesis in this pregnancy alongside recurrent infections. It's been miserable. Daughter seems to be at a very difficult phase in terms of no real naps in the day and very "on" all the time- loud and demanding. She's a lovely kid but has a lot of energy and takes up a lot of energy. Taking her out on my own is very difficult because she hates the buggy, screams at the reigns and generally runs away from me. It's like herding cats just going on a quick trip to the shops or park. I can't carry her because I've not got the strength and am obviously an awkward shape now! So it's just easier to stay in with her on my own most of the time.

Was working two days a week but been signed off for nearly three months now. My parents (who are lovely) have my DD on the days I should be working so I get a rest then, but aren't getting any younger and I don't like asking them for any more help than they already give. My DH is amazing and supportive and doesn't expect me to do anything in the house if I'm not able up- but he works long hours, is a head of department in a large secondary school and it's exam season so he's got a lot on too and I don't want to worry him more than he already is worried.

I've spent the morning being sick and crying so I know I feel worse than normal today.

Feel very isolated right now. Have/had a lovely NCT group with DD but all are back at work full time and so we never get together anymore. Only two other friends with babies that aren't miles away, one nearby but she's in the throes of newborn stage and not wanting (understandably) to make many plans because she's knackered and breastfeeding round the clock. The other is a 45 min drive and also works part time and is busy.

I posted a thread a few weeks ago wondering about antenatal depression (I'm already on fluoxetine 20mg for anxiety which predates motherhood- been on it for 10+ years) but when I saw my GP he thought not and blamed my unwellness for my feeling low.

However I just feel hopeless right now. The three days in the week it's just me and DD I have no energy. We go to playgroup one morning but that's it. I try and see a friend or something one of the other afternoons but often no one is free or I'm too tired/ill. I feel I'm letting her down because we spend a lot of the time indoors watching telly (although the weather has been a bit better so we've been in the garden a bit).

I just feel like this is endless, that this hopelessness has no end and that I am completely alone. I know I'm catastropisng to a certain extent. DD starts nursery in Autumn which I'm hoping will give us all some more structure but at the moment I'm not coping and barely functioning. It's everything I can do to get out of bed.

Well done if you got to the end of that. I just needed to vent. If anyone has any useful tips or helpful suggestions for how I climb out of this pit, I would appreciate it.

FastWindow Mon 16-May-16 10:26:07

I feel for you! You are NOT on your own in this. Toddlers are incredibly demanding physically and mentally.

Could you invest in some part time childminding? It would give you a break and your Dd some good experience of a setting with other children before nursery starts in earnest.

FellOutOfBedTwice Mon 16-May-16 11:33:59

Thanks for replying Fast. I've never felt so isolated. Always been a social and "strong" seeming person so admitting I'm not handling things well is really not coming easy to me.

Yes, there's a possibility of some childminding in terms of cash but the waiting lists round here are nuts (London, a lot of working parents) so I'm on a waiting list for a few hoping one comes up soon.

Husband is a teacher and baby due summer holidays so only need to cope without him for the next 9 school weeks during the pregnancy but it seems like about a hundred years. Like I say I am catastrophsing pretty badly, I know which isn't like me and I'm crying all the time too.

I think I've got an ear infection to boot! Just phoned the doctors for an emergency appointment and couldn't get one which made me cry. receptionist was very short and I explained I'm pregnant, ill, not coping. She couldn't have cared less. Was so temped to tell her to go fuck herself!! I didn't though- was mature! grin blush

GrumpyMcGrumpFace Mon 16-May-16 11:39:23

I was just looking to see where you were - a long way from me sadly, but have you looked at MN local? I met lots of nice MNers through the local thread, and even though the babies are nine now, we still meet up every so often and contact virtually more often. You do sound so very down, I wish I could do more, but didn't want to just ignore your post. It is hard being pregnant and looking after a toddler - I had just moved countries when I was doing this, so I didn't know people around (so MN was a great lifeline). It will get better again xx


Angrybird234 Tue 17-May-16 07:10:09

Hi OP didn't want to read and run, sending hugs. Not been in your situation so can't offer any advice, must be really difficult for you. Could you take DD to a soft play centre so she can let off some steam whilst you enjoy a (hot!) coffee in relative peace?
I know leaving the house can seem like the hardest thing in the world to do but with the weather being a bit nicer a short walk every day might help both of you x

zippy30 Wed 18-May-16 14:59:30

Hi felloutofbedtwice, I wanted to reply to this as I've been in a similar situation and can understand how you feel. I remember the last trimester of my pregnancy with DD, which I spent at home looking after 2 year old DS as an extremely difficult time. I was living in a new area & had few friends nearby and felt very isolated & fed up.

Looking after a toddler is so exhausting, not to mention when you're heavily pregnant and have little energy for dealing with meltdowns & constant mess.

A few things that helped me were trying to break the day down into separate chunks - like a 15-20 min walk in the morning (even if DS fought getting into the buggy), followed by DS snack and tea break for me. DS could then watch Cbeebies for a while, then lunch, then naptime (for us both!), sitting outside in the garden with toys, then a stroll to the shop for milk etc. Nothing major- just a few things to keep me sane. It sounds strange, but I also found listening to the radio through the day really helped too. I felt like it kept me connected to the outside world.

It doesn't feel like it now, but things will definitely get better. flowers xx

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