Partner denied paternity leave?? Any advice??

[PisforPeter]

Am 38 weeks pregnant & booked in for a planned Caesarian next week & just found out that my partner is not allowed paternity leave. He started a new job last year & is just a week short to qualify for paternity leave. They won't allow him to take unpaid leave either. Has anybody been through this & come out the other side?? He has 3 days of annual leave he can take. We have a 3 year old also. We have no family nearby & they are fairly disinterested anyway. I can't stop crying, I'm most upset about the fact that this special time for us to bond as a family has been taken away from us

[gunting]

Yes this happened to us.

My partner took 2 weeks emergency leave and claimed income support for the two weeks. Your partner should be allowed the time off but not the pay so the government can usually cover it.

[VimFuego101]

Well they are technically correct, but I've never known any company actually enforce it, they've always offered the option to use unpaid leave or holiday time. What a bunch of miseries. Is it his boss saying no, or HR? If it's HR, then maybe if his boss is sympathetic they can try and work out something informal about taking some extra time and making it up before/after.

Have a think about when you will need your DP around the most - you may not need him as much when you're in hospital, he might be best off saving those 3 days for when you come home. Could you ask to have your CS outside of his work hours? could he shift his working hours around so he could do an early feed/wake up with the baby before going to work and let you rest? Could you pay someone to come in and either help with your older child or maybe do cleaning?

[PisforPeter]

It's the boss who is bring difficult. I think HR would have favoured some sort of compromise. My son goes to pre-school a couple of days a week so that will help. I just feel that we will never be able to get this time back as a family. When our dimness born it was lively to have time to settle into things as a family

[PisforPeter]

son was

[navylily]

That's really harsh.

Though I found the whole new family dynamic was very different with DC2. It's much more busy and less of a little bubble anyway because you have the older child and all their routines.

Do you have any friends you could get to come round and keep you company or look after DC1 for a bit?

[ShowOfHands]

DH could only afford a week and I was in labour for 3 days. It's not ideal but we made memories and we found a routine.

[PisforPeter]

I suppose that's good to hear navylily, it helps me if I don't feel
I'm missing out so much. I think it's just such a shock & only a few days to get my head round it.

[winchester1]

We both went back pt a couple of days after our second was born so working opposite hrs to.each other. With our first OH had to work ft the week after and then take his leave during which he had to.continue two days a week.
It was fine both times. Obv if you can up.your toddlers hrs or get a cleaner for a.few.weeks it will help but otherwise just survive until you find you can do a bit more.

[FuzzyOwl]

Surely he will be able to take some form of unpaid emergency/dependants leave? After all, you will be in hospital after major surgery and unable to look after your children. It might only be a day or two, but it will be better than nothing. I would get him to speak directly to HR about it.

[BombadierFritz]

(Cancel the c section? Or is the pat leave based on edd rather than actual birth date, so 2 weeks later than the 38 weeks? )

Thats really mean of them :(

[PisforPeter]

It's based on due date on matb1.

[Peppapogstillonaloop]

My husband flew off for work 3 days after no2 (although to be fair hd my mother there)
It was fine, we all still bonded, it is different with no 2 you aren't in that lovely newborn bubble really as one of you is always dealing with the toddler while you ignore the sleeping baby

[confusedandemployed]

Sorry I can't work out the maths re eligibility but what about him taking some unpaid parental leave? If not around birth then shortly after.

www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

[PisforPeter]

I think you have to have worked for them for 1 year confused. He started last September so would not meet criteria.

[LaceyLee]

Agree that maybe he could take a few days off to look after dependents (i.e. You and baby). Don't really see how you can be expected to look after the three of you post c section. If you were having surgery for another reason he could take time off couldn't be?
Otherwise is there any chance you can get in touch with parents and at least get them to help with some of the practical tasks?

[confusedandemployed]

Oh yes if September start then you're right

I truly don't understand why companies are so short sighted about this. Why the fuck would your DH have any loyalty to them now? Fuck 'em. As soon as his year's service comes round get him off on unpaid parental leave for 3 weeks and see how they like that. If you can afford it, obviously.

Sorry. Being flippant but it's a real problem that companies don't think long term.

[PisforPeter]

I completely agree confused, so fucking short sighted. It's so annoying because you can self certify for 7 days for a sore throat but nothing we can do about this

[GlitteryFluff]

What would happen if he just took the time off? Would it be a warning or is it a sackable offence?

[3luckystars]

Does he have force majeure leave?

My dh cant get time off when our baby is due either, I don't even want to think about it. I hope you figure it out, maybe your partner will get a sore throat that week though.

I think his boss is shortsighted too. Good luck.

[PisforPeter]

I don't think he wants to push it, he is the main earner so needs the job. I just can't believe somebody can be so mean spirited.

[PisforPeter]

3luckystars I hope it works out ok for us x

[Alibobbob]

As he's only a week short to qualify can he take his 3 days holiday the week your baby is due then pat leave for the following week or two?

[Legendofthephoenix]

Don't cry I know how you feel my partner had to work and no one in my family cares. All you can do is your best if you have to sleep a little bit longer with the telly on for your dd then do it. All you have to do is make sure everything is safe and if you need to rest then don't feel guilty. You will be fine just try to think possitively I know its easier said than done but try. I have 4 children and my last 2 children I gave birth on my own and the last child ended up assisted birth (forceps) you should have seen the shape of his head.

Where there is rain there is sunshine you will get through this. He will be there with you in the evening.

[PisforPeter]

Thank you legend

[PisforPeter]

alibobbob decision is based on edd on matb1 & they will not consider a compromise. The business needs him apparently ....
Like I & our children don't